Tuesday, October 31, 2006

"...With a spooky little girl like you..."

I thought I would give you guys some spooky videos to watch to entertain yourselves for Halloween.

**I promise these are NOT "screamers" -- you know, those fucking things where you are supposed to watch closely and then all of a sudden something screams and jumps out. I hate those things!**

I also found a creepy game/site you might want to check out. There are a few "jump-out-at-cha's" but not too bad.

Enjoy! http://www.tamba.co.uk/askthespirits/
EVP
Ghost
Little Ghost Girl 2 (Actual EVP Recording)
Ghost 2 Evp
Haunted Hollow - PRISM Investigation - EVPs

Hobbit Halloween!


Hey everyone! Yeah, I know I said I would be updating soon, but I just didn't get around to it. Deal with it!

Anyway, I just wanted to invite folks to my place of employment tomorrow. Since I am working on Halloween, I am dressing up.

I decided to go as a Hobbit. I got the skirt, top and vest. I have elfin ears that I am going to wear, and plastic Hobbit feet too! I will be wearing my cloak, with my leaf of Lothlorien pin. I will also have my little ring of power on.

So, stop by and make fun of me. Take pictures of me. Be rude to me knowing I can't tell you to fuck off -- oh wait, the customers already have that under control. But at least stop by and say "Suilaid".

I will be around from 10-6:30. Although, I hope to sneak out a little early. Some friends and I are hoping to go to The Experience and get the panties scared off us. Yeah, Yeah I know, Ron. I wussed out on you. However, the more I got to looking at the site for the haunted wood, the more fun it seemed. As long as no psycho is chasing me with a chainsaw, I am cool ... I hope.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Ahhhhh!


Ah yes, I finally got my computer fixed. I had to change my work schedule, but I am not back online and out of the library. Of course, I kind of miss the speed of those computers, but alas I can now look at all the internet porn I wish.

I have tons to write about, but unfortunately I have to get to the grind, so I will be updating ya'll soon.

Before I sign off, I have Two favors that I must ask of all my loyal readers.

1) Think good healing thoughts for my lovely friend Anna, who is having some health issues right now. She is hopefully recuperating comfortably today. Take care of yourself!

2) Think good emotionally healing thoughts for my sister Jennifer. She lost her dog Jayme to cancer yesterday. I loved JuJuBee too and am saddened to hear of her death. It was sudden, but Jennifer had her for over 11 wonderful years. I will be writing more about Jayme in a separate post.

I know the power of good thoughts, so keep these two in your hearts today and send them some good vibes. They need the love.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

I miss my computer!!

The library is closing in a few minutes, so I will be brief. For anyone who doesn't yet know, I am out of computer commission for a while. After a lengthy power outage, my computer will not turn on anymore. I am stuck using the public library computers which suck. I miss internet porn!!

Anyway, I sense someone is looking over my shoulder so I will close now. I just wanted to give everyone a heads up as to why I am MIA. Hopefully soon I will be hearing from the tech guys and they will schedule a time to fix my poor baby. Until then, I feel as though I am out of touch with the world.

After this weekend, I should have plenty to tell you bitches about, so I will do my best to make it to the library to type away.

Until then, if you need me you can call my cell.

Monday, October 16, 2006

White & Nerdy

Just once, I'd love to do this!!

This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations! ):
*******************************************
Operator
: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. "

Operator
: "What sort of trouble??"

Caller
: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Operator
: "Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared. "

Operator
: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Operator
: "Nothing??"

Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Operator
: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Operator
: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"

Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Operator
: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Operator
: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

Caller: "What's a monitor?"

Operator
: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"

Caller: "I don't know."

Operator
: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"

Caller: "Yes, I think so."

Operator
: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: "Yes, it is."

Operator
: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

Caller: "No."

Operator
: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Caller: "Okay, here it is."

Operator
: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
--------------------------------------------------------
Caller: "I can't reach."

Operator
: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"

Caller: "No."

Operator
: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"

Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

Operator
: "Dark??"

Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
--------------------------------------------------------
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller: "I can't."

Operator
: "No? Why not??"

Caller: "Because there's a power failure."

Operator
: "A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
--------------------------------------------------------
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Operator
: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take itback to the store you bought it from."
--------------------------------------------------------
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Operator
: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller:"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"


Operator
: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!! !"

**This guy is my hero.
I hope you enjoyed the laugh,
love Lothian.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Deep Fried Diabetes


Charlotte Observer 10/10/2006 How to make Coke better? Fry it

Sorry for the unoriginal posts lately. I want to get in the habit of posting everyday, so I thought that on days when I don't have the time to sit and write something or am feeling non-witty, I would share some things that I find online while checking out other sites.

Today was a hellish I-want-to-fucking-walk-out-or-stab-a-customer-in-the-eye-with-a-number-2-pencil kind of day, so I just want to stare at the TV for a couple of hours and gorge on chocolate. Sorry bitches.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Human Rights Campaign National Coming Out Day Video

Today was National Coming Out day. Here is a wonderful video celebrating Human rights/Gay Rights. I want to send out all my love to those coming out, and all my respect to those who have already come out of the closet. You have my respect for your bravery and my love for all of those who have been outcast.

As they say in the video, Talk about it. Erase Hate.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Another e-mail forward...


3 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

LESSON ONE:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


Management Lesson:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


LESSON TWO:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.Finally after a fourth night,the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


LESSON THREE:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!

He laid there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Management Lesson:

1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is yourfriend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends the three minute management course.

**Someone forwarded this to me, and I thought it was so funny and so TRUE! I figured you all would like it, since many of my friends are having "issues" with their management team. Enjoy, but don't forget, I didn't write this one either. I am not very clever!***

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Why women are so crabby.

Hey bitches,
Damn, I wish I had written this, it is hilarious!! Kudos to whomever did. I got this forwarded to me through a myspace friend. It really made me giggle, so I thought you all would enjoy it too. Remember though, I didn't write this. I can't take credit for the fun this time.
love, loth.


Why women are so crabby

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %*#!* (and
hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Tootie's Bong

The Three Bongs

Thursday, October 05, 2006

New! Lost Season 3 Trailer (new footage)

TWO WORDS: PANTY CREAMER!!

Monday, October 02, 2006

AN OPEN INVITATION

**********************************************


HEY YOU GUYS!


A BUNCH OF US FROM WORK ARE GOING TO THE
RENAISSANCE FAIRE
THIS SATURDAY


EVERYONE IS INVITED, SO IF YOU WANT TO JOIN US
PLEASE CALL OR E-MAIL ME

THE MORE THE MERRIER!!

(and hey! if I can convince her, maybe Christina will let me borrow one of her costumes!)