Monday, July 28, 2008

Someone call Miss Cleo!


So, I open my MSN page today to a very uplifting horoscope. It read:

"Today should be a gratifying day, dear Pisces, full of great news, pleasant surprises, and opening up doors of opportunity on just about every level. Opportunities to earn more money could come your way, new friends could be introduced to you, and opportunities for education and travel also may be presented. Whatever actually manifests out of all this, however, is up to you. You might find decisions difficult."

I am thinking, super! I need some good news on the job search front! I need some insight into where I am going!

What I got was a note in my mailbox from my supervisor telling me she scheduled some "1 on 1 time" with me tomorrow to discuss my "attendance and performance." My performance has been fine, but attendance ... not so much. I am very nervous and will let you all know how it went.

*sigh* Good job psyching me out Moons and stars!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Rock and ...What!?


3 Days Grace


Never Too Late


This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it
And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like
It's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost
Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late (It's never too late)
It's not too late
It's never too late



*Youtube would not let me embed the actual music video. Which is a shame because the video is wonderful and really moved me.*

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Maria Hulyk

I have been debating about how and what to say in this post so much that I have let the story go too long. I don't have the words to describe the emotions I have been going through. The woman's name above is the name of just another customer I had to help at work a week or so ago. Just another older woman calling to order her medication. Just another sweet voice, heavily accented, on the other line.

I often wonder if I was meant to take her call. If, by some act of power much larger than I, her phone call was directed to me. Maybe if someone else had taken her call, they would not have heard her tell them she was a Holocaust survivor and spent time suffering in a concentration camp.
Maybe they would have been too wrapped up in their own lives that they would not have heard that she was only 15 years old at the time.
Maybe they wouldn't have had sympathy for her when she began crying over her husband that she missed so much.
They wouldn't have asked if she had children to help her. They wouldn't have learned that she lost the ability to have children because the Nazi's at the concentration camp put "poisons" in what little food they fed the 'prisoners' so that they wouldn't need to provide "napkins" for the women.
Maybe they wouldn't have cared that she could never adopt because the government felt she and her husband were too old for a baby and her mother in law didn't want to help care for a grown child.

I told her it was an honor to speak with her, but I don't think she caught that. It was a great honor. I don't have the poetry to explain what the Holocaust means to me. I am not of Jewish decent, although I am of Polish decent. In a sense, I feel that I lived through it or died during that time in a previous life. Ever since I was a child I had a certain fascination with the Holocaust that went beyond some sort of sick interest. It all seems very familiar to me. The languages, the fear, the confusion, the architecture. Air sirens strike a terror in me that I could/can never begin to understand.

It is surprising to meet someone who survived such cruelty because they are all passing away from age. Why is this story significant to me? Because people are forgetting. In tears, I started to speak to the woman who sits next to me at work about the amazing life that just touched mine. The woman that is the same age as me. The woman who has a child. The woman who did not know what a concentration camp was. She didn't even know what I meant when I said The Holocaust. Her response. "oh, I think I saw a movie about that once."

A movie?!

History repeats itself, there are Holocaust's going on at this very moment all over the world. Isn't it imperative to not let people die in vain, to remember such important faucets of history? I wish I had the words to express how disappointed and shocked I was that she truly had no idea what I was talking about. When I told her 6 million Jews were murdered along with countless numbers of Gypsy's, Gays and Lesbians, Poles, disabled people, and those denying Hitler she gave me the most horrifying blank look I have ever seen.

Abu Abdullah Muhammad al-Harithi al-Baghdadi al-Mufid said, "No tool is more beneficial than intelligence. No enemy is more harmful than ignorance."


**In looking for an image for this post I came across a very interesting website/article about "The Holocaust Myth". If you are kind enough to read this far, please be kind enough to quickly check out the website. It is short and very interesting. You can find it HERE. Thanks!

These Dreams


So, I am one of those people who have reoccurring dreams. The less frequent one involves me being chased by someone who is trying to hurt or kill me. There is always a child or two in the dream with me that I am desperately trying to protect. I don't need Siggy Freud to explain to me what THAT one means.

But what the hell is with the constant dreams of my damn teeth falling out?! Has anyone else had this dream? Usually it involves my teeth crumbling out of my mouth. It is gross and horrifying. I also seem to have this dream 1-2 times a month. According to the website Dream Moods:

One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. Sadly, we live in a world where good looks are valued highly and your teeth play an important role in conveying that image. Teeth are used in the game of flirtations, whether it be a dazzling and gleaming smile or affectionate necking. These dreams may stem from a fear of your sexual impotence or the consequences of getting old. Teeth are an important feature of our attractiveness and presentation to others.

Another rationalization for these falling teeth dream may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream is an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the value of your own opinion.

A scriptural interpretation for bad or falling teeth indicate that you are putting your faith, trust, and beliefs in what man thinks rather than in the word of God. The bible says that God speaks once, yea twice in a dream or a vision in order to hide pride from us, to keep us back from the pit, to open our ears (spiritually) and to instruct and correct us.

In the Greek culture, when you dream about loose, rotten, or missing teeth, it indicates that a family member or close friend is very sick or even near death.

According to the Chinese, there is a saying that your teeth will fall out if your are telling lies.

It has also been said that if you dream of your teeth falling out, then it symbolizes money. This is based on the old tooth fairy story. If you lose a tooth and leave it under the pillow, a tooth fairy would bring you money.

I don't know how I feel about these interpretations. I don't really think I am all that vain. However, I do frequently feel powerless. I have these dreams so often and they are SO disturbing, that I think they are trying to tell me something. However, I am not sure if any of the above applies. Any suggestions?

Rock and ...What!? (in honor of above post)


HEART
"These Dreams"

Spare a little candle
Save some light for me
figures up ahead
Moving in the trees
White skin in linen
Perfume on my wrist
And the full moon that hangs over
these dreams in the mist
Darkness on the edge
Shadows where I stand
I search for the time
On a watch with no hands
I want to see you clearly
Come closer than this
But all I remember
Are the dreams in the mist
These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away

Is it cloak 'n dagger
Could it be spring or fall
I walk without a cut
Through a stained glass wall
Weaker in my eyesight
The candle in my grip
And words that have no form
Are falling from my lips

These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away

There's something out there
I can't resist
I need to hide away from the pain
There's something out there
I can't resist
The sweetest song is silence
That I've ever heard
Funny how your feet
In dreams never touch the earth
In a wood full of princes
Freedom is a kiss
But the prince hides his face
From dreams in the mist

These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away

These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away