Rock and ...What!?

LOST
by: Coldplay

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost
Every river that you try to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing stops
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off..

Mental health

Things have reached their breaking point with me. I am having a bit of an emotional breakdown and I can't promise when I will be back to update everyone. The only good thing I can tell you is that I am not suicidal, just very very sad. I may end up taking a leave of absence from work so that I can explore what is medically and/or mentally wrong with with me. This state of mind has been a long time brewing and I have finally given in.

I used to find solace writing about my feelings in my blog and what has me so upset with my life. However, it never really ended up helping. I am very unhappy with my job, however so many people are without one that I can't justify complaining. My life is better off than some, and I just can't express my pain in a public forum anymore because I am embarrassed that I can't get it together. No one wants to read someone complain all day long.

I always seem to have drama over the weekends and this is no different. I haven't left my apartment in 3 days, calling off work 2 of those days. Although the tears won't stop, I am dragging myself in today. Sunday will be spent researching doctors/therapists who can hopefully help me.

I appreciate everyone's love and support throughout the years. I will post with updates as much as I can. Don't call, only text message or e-mail as I am not up to talking. Please don't worry about me as I really hope that someday a lotus will bloom from all this muck and murk.

My parents had a baby!

Well...a furry baby to be exact. They did what I never thought they would ever do and got themselves a puppy. Her name is Itsy Bitsy or "Bitsy" for short and she is a Shih Tzu. She isn't even 6 months old so she is very tiny and cute. These are some photos I took on my birthday vacation in February. That is, of course, my daddy. She is sleeping on his tummy, all curled up in the fleece Miss Piggy blankie my Mom made her. Bitsy has her stuffed teddy bear that she sleeps with all the time.

It has definitely livened things up in the household and gives my dad something to do all day since he no longer works. Mom is really wanting grand babies so this is the next best thing. I was worried about them getting a puppy and having the stress of doing all the training and what not. However, Bitsy is either a very smart individual or Shih Tzu's are a very smart breed. She knows to ring a little bell hanging from the doorknob when she needs to go outside. While I was there, I trained her to not chew my shoes and to not get in my face while I am trying to eat. She is currently learning how to come when called, which I am sure she will pick up quickly.

Lesson learned for Lothian: I do NOT want a puppy. They take a hell of a lot of patience and energy -- Two attributes I do not possess. Whenever I move somewhere that allows dogs, I will adopt an older friend.