Presenting Lothian in Simpson-vision!

(I am Totally stealing this idea from Donna)

Meet Lothian, the newest resident to Springfield. Lothian works at the local comic book store where she and "comic book guy" make fun of customers all day. Lothian particularly hates those who purchase lame ass Manga books and she lovingly refers to them as "Mongo's." When Lothian is not working she enjoys watching her favorite TV show "The Puffiest Catch." The show follows a bunch of fishermen while they work, doing the most deadly job: fishing off of Springfield sound for puffer fish. In fact, her most prized possession is her "Puffiest Catch" t-shirt.
Lothian is looking for a good, nice looking man who has never played Dungeons and Dragons. Tattoos are a plus but not required. He must have a sense of humor and enjoy the luscious curves of her yellow body. The perfect man for Lothian will respect her life-long ban of Krusty Burger's, although he does not have to only eat Tofu Totties himself. If you think you have what she is looking for, if you can name all of the members of the Fellowship of the Ring while dancing to "Rock of Ages" by Def Lepppard, then give Lothian a call. Her number is 614-867-5309

Michael Moore PWNS Wolf Blitzer and CNN on Live TV

Michael Moore is my new hero.

I just have to say ...

Tonight Tonight Tonight!

Mullets are sexy-ass, and make me wet.


I may get laid tonight.

(I've been saving myself for a man like him.)

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have ...

First the good news:

I have lost 15 pounds!
Woot!!

My blood pressure was crazy high, but who cares? I will just be a sexy skinny bitch having a heart attack.

Other good news:

This Sunday night, bitches.

Def Fucking Leppard.

Will have pictures, hopefully.

**and now let the bitching commence ...

In case you didn't know...

... I FUCKING HATE MY JOB!!! I am too tired to go over the details of tonight. Let's just say that I really really want a job where

ALL of the people do ALL of the work and not SOME of the people do ALL of the work.


When did we become a society where hard work is looked down upon? What kind of person feels good about themselves at the end of the day after doing nothing all day at work? I appreciate hard work. I truly believe I could work in a factory where the harder you work and the better you do your job, the more acknowledgment you get. Don't get me wrong. I don't have to look much farther than my own father to see how a factory worker can just be kicked to the curb. I am just saying, who is proud of themselves for getting the most amount of money for the least amount of work. How can a person pass judgment on others when they never get their fingers dirty? I wonder how does it feel to be totally and utterly fucking useless?

Dearest management staff and co-workers,
If some of us rose up and chose to not do your goddamn job for you, or chose to only do that which is required of us, you would all be fucking lost. I am tired. Tired of being treated like shit and getting under appreciated. Tired of doing the work of 2 people. Pull your heads out of your self righteous, self important, holier than thou asses and realize YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT THE REAL WORKERS. YOU ARE USELESS, THOUGHTLESS, ARROGANT AND LOST. AND SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!

That is all for now. Didn't take me long to start complaining about work again, did it?


(PS- I have no clue why the type on this post is so huge, but I can't fix it. It just represents my anger I suppose.)

Honda Element Gil

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO FORGOT ABOUT GIL. HERE IS THE ORIGINAL VERSION. I WANNA BUY AN ELEMENT JUST TO KEEP GIL IN THE BUSINESS.

Honda Element Gil

EVEN MORE GIL!! THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE!

Element and Friends-Pigskin

I LOVE GIL!!

Pride 2007

Click on the PFLAG logo above to join. Happy Pride Day everyone!!

Dramatic Look

5 seconds of drama.

She only goes about 2 mph, but she's no lemon!

Hello all! I thought I would devote a little posty-post on my walking /weight loss/ healthy living journey. Thanks to Donna I am keeping up with things so far. She is definitely my motivation and is giving me some great advice!

So, I went to Tar-Jay today and did something I never thought I would do. I bought a bathroom scale! Yep, that is right. I will be weighing myself regularly. I never thought I would ever care enough about vanity to check my weight on a regular basis.

However, I have been reading up on this walking thing and getting some important information on creating walking programs. Apparently it is a good thing to set goals for yourself. I think keeping track of my weight will help me motiviate myself to keep getting out there.
(Of course, when I weighed myself on the new scale and it said I was 5 pounds heavier than the doctor's office told me! I still think I am losing, so I am trying to not let the "number game" get to me.)

I have to admit it, I don't really mind the walking thing. Of course I hate to exercise, and hate to sweat. Some days I really have to fight myself through it and fight against everything in my body telling me to stop and quit. I typically have to drag myself out of the house to go walking (unless I am going with a buddy, then I am fine. Go figure? I think I get bored all alone).

However, once I finish I feel really good about myself. The sweat is pouring and the heart is pounding, but it feels good (maybe it just feels good to be DONE!) I miss it if I don't do it, just like I miss and feel "off" if I don't drink massive amounts of water everyday -- I am pretty much only drinking water now.
(By the way, caffeine is almost completely gone out of my life for good. I don't use it unless it is a dire emergency, and then in major moderation. I maybe consume 1-2 cups of coffee or soda a week. My heart thanks me for that! It has made a huge improvement in the palpitations.)

I am proud that I am sticking to things ... even though it has only been two weeks!

I feel really good since I started becoming more active. I have more energy and sleep way better. I even feel a little more in tune with my body. How do I explain what I mean by that? Well, I think most fat people (yes, I am not afraid of the F-word) don't really see themselves as fat. They have no connection to their bodies -- no realization just how big they are. Then, once you see a picture of yourself, or you can't fit into a theater seat, you are thrust back into reality and it is painful!

Since I started walking and have been noticing little minor (positive) changes in my body, I have become more conscious of it. Maybe even a little more loving towards it. I am not a skinny girl looking out of a fat body. I am aware of my size, and am living in my body. I don't know how else to explain it, but I think most of you understand.

I still have bad body image days, but these little improvements that only I can see are lifting my spirits and helping me to keep up with the program. If I can see these changes with very little work, imagine what I can could happen if I push myself! Right now I am starting out slow and doing the bare minimum -- 3 days a week, 30 minutes a day. Sometimes more, sometimes less. A lot of the programs I have been reading up on suggested 15 minutes everyday. However, since I am focused on cardio health, I really believe keeping my heart pumping for a good 30 minutes is much better. I still try to fit in something everyday -- a little walk around our huge (about 1/2 mile around) building at work during breaks, park further away from store entrances, taking the stairs, power shopping, etc.

I can do a mile in about 25-30 minutes. I can do two miles in an hour. For many people, that is not very much but to me it is amazing! I am trying to not let the exercise demons get into my head ("a mile is nothing!", "a woman your age should be able to do more", "You are only exercising 3 times a week?!") . I think we are our worst enemy in all of this!

GOALS! So, now I have to set some goals. Everything I have read has said that telling yourself "I just want to get healthy" is not good enough. You need measurable goals. Plus you need rewards. Well fuck if I can think of anything!! I can think of BIG rewards for BIG goals ( ie: lose 100 pounds = a trip to Alaska, lose 20 = new tattoo, etc) But I think I need little goals and little rewards. I know I won't be able to see the 'big picture' and keep fighting toward such huge and far away goals -- I will just get discouraged/bored and quit.

I know that I would like to work up to exercising every single day for about 30 minutes. I would also like to work up to doing it at longer intervals (hour maybe two) and more miles. But, what is a realistic time frame to achieve this? How do I reward myself for meeting these goals? I don't think a hot fudge sundae will work.


**Help me out bitches, send me some of your suggestions!**
If I like 'em, I will post them and keep everyone updated as to how close I am to the goal. Now is your chance to punish me, my little mistresses!!

No, it's not John from work!

I was standing behind him today while he worked at his computer.
Looking down at him, standing so close, it took all of my willpower to not reach over and lightly brush my fingertips through his soft blond curls.
How soft those upturned wisps would feel in my caress!
Just the lightest touch.
It felt so natural.
To just lose all of my inhibitions, bend down, and gingerly kiss him right behind his ear.
My lips only slightly touching that sensuous lobe with the most loving touch.
It felt so real, so ... acceptable. Like I had done it a million times before.
The touch, the kiss, his body. Taking is warm hand into mine.
A brief flash of knowing, of an almost familiarity to his flesh.
That sense of freedom and possession -- that HIS was a body I could feel. Touch. I was allowed to, had access to.
I am bitterly reminded of that oh so frequently unappreciated sense of entitlement of touch that lovers so often take for granted -- This. is. mine.
My entire body wanted it. Wanted to lose control and act foolishly.
I clenched my hands into fists and jammed them into my pockets, locking them away from their foolishness. Reminding myself that this is not for me. It is for another to enjoy.

But Oh! Those curls.

Happy Birthday

Colin,

Happy Birthday my darling!


Your present is waiting for you between the sheets. Lubed up and ready to ride.

Come and get it anytime.


Yours truly,

-Lo.

Update-Palooza! ultimate long postie-poo

Damn, I think Blogger is going to blow up with all these freaking posts I have done tonight. I know I have not been keeping you all updated lately and I apologize. Working two jobs is kicking my ass. However, I had some free time after cleaning and before sleeping, so I thought I better get my ass to typing.

My new job (which I think I will permanently refer to as "that test grading thing") is going fantastic. Some of the people are a little ... odd. The first project didn't go so great, and thought "what the hell have I gotten myself into now?" I really didn't like my "team leader" and I was trying, with some failure, to adjust to the new way of grading and the new type of papers I was grading. I recently found in the bottom of my purse a scribbled rant wrote around that transitioning time about the people there:

"Dear susie sonofabitch,
I can't stand listening to you chomp and chew on your fucking Styrofoam rice cakes. Clicking and clacking your claw-like fake nails furiously on the computer keyboard like a pissed off wood pecker going to town on a tin roof. Hearing your nasally voice moving around the break room whining into your cellphone "can you hear me know?" like a bad parody of an even more annoying commercial.
love,
- Lo."

I feel better know though. I have met some really nice people and am working pretty steady. I think I will have projects to do until the end of July. Then ... I have no idea. I really don't know what I am going to do once I have to go back to full time at the store. I can barely stand showing up 3 times a week. By the way, I will announce it now: stand corrected! I can'tt work more than 23 hours. I should not have complained about not getting 30 hours. I barely want to show up now as it is. I Am glad I only got scheduled 23 hours a week. It's pretty nice not giving a shit, and not having to give a shit. I get to do the bare minimum and that's it. Not too shabby.

An update on my health:
I had a recent doctors appointment to get a prescription refilled. Yep, I have to make an appointment and go see her to get stuff refilled. ($$$) Anyway, while I was there I decided to do some "spring cleaning."

Remember the 'lady problem' I have been having lately? The never-ending lady problem? Yea. Last time I saw her, she told me I had to research what birth control pills I wanted to be on and find out the generic names of them before she would prescribe them to me. I did all that (with some help from Maggie).

Months later, at the appointment, she could have cared less what pill I wanted. I could have chosen any! Plus, I didn't need the generic name. All I needed to do was tell the pharmacist that I wanted generic and voila! $10! All these years being miserable because I couldn't afford $35, only to find out that generic has been available the whole time!!
Things haven't improved for me yet, (and I am sure I am not protected yet boys!) However, it hasn't quite been a month, so I am hoping this gets all cleared up soon.

Now for my spanking.
Have been with holding information from ya'll. I don't know why I haven't been open and telling about it, I just wished to keep it kind of quiet. I certainly wasn't trying to hide it, I was just tired of having "something wrong with me". I guess I figured that if I didn't tell anyone about it, maybe it wouldn't go badly.

See, for the past few years, I have had these ... heart palpitations. I will just be hanging out, working, trying to sleep, etc when all of a sudden my heart seems to skip a beat. I couldn't figure any cause of it (exertion, caffeine, stress), so I of course ignored it. I think my heart would have to be hanging out of my bellybutton before I would think to go to a doctor to see what was up!

Well, a couple of months ago the palps starting increasing in frequency. Then, one night at work I had a really bad episode and almost blacked out & passed out. Since I used to be a smoker, I am overweight, I have bad heart issues on both sides of the family, and my grandmother had to have a pacemaker to combat an irregular heartbeat, I figured it was time to mention it.

The doc sent me a cardiologist who took things really seriously. The short of a long story is: I have a really fast heart rate (around 100 bpm with the average being around 60-90 bpm) and pretty okay blood pressure. He ran some blood work and everything looked good (cholesterol, potassium, etc). I had to take a stress test that involved a (quite painful) ultrasound of my heart, followed by a monitored stint on the treadmill, followed by another (I mean, I have bruises!) painful ultrasound. The results looked good though, everything is structurally alright with my heart.

I have to wear an "event monitor" for 30 days. Basically it is this cool little machine that I wear 24-7. I put a little sticky on my chest, and one under my left breast. Then I snap little electrodes onto them and put the monitor in my pocket. Whenever I get a palpitation or feel my heart doing the funky chicken, I press record. It records for 60 seconds -- like a mini EKG. Once I get one or two recordings saved, I call a 1-800 number and talk to a tech who takes some info from me like what I was doing and what my symptoms were. Then, I put the phone to the monitor and press send. It screeches and beeps like a fax machine having sex with an internet connection. Then that is it! Pretty cool contraption.

I have only recorded one thing so far, and my skin is breaking out into hive-like blotches from having to wear those electrodes. I must be allergic to the adhesive. So wearing it is a pain in the ass, but if it shows something, then great. In 30 days, I just mail the thing and they will look at what I sent and let me know where to go from there.

In the meantime, he prescribed me a medication to lower my heart rate. For some reason, I am afraid to take it. So I am going to wait until after I send back the monitor to fill it. Apparently it makes you really tired for the first few weeks so I want to be done working the two jobs so that I am not dragging and doing really poor work.

Needless to say, I also need to lose some major weight. let's just say I was WELL over what I thought I weighed. I have always told myself that I would never panic about my weight unless I went over a particular number. I have blown past that number by about 15 pounds.

I am doing good though. I am starting to eat better, and exercising. I think I will buy an at-home exercise DVD (that I can tolerate without being really annoyed) and start doing workouts at home, as well as taking regular walks. I may even look into whether I can afford to join a health club again. I used to do water aerobics at a place that is now right across the street from me, and I loved it! I think it is only $15/month, so I might be able to swing it.

If anyone wants to start getting more active with me, I need all the help and motivation I can get. I hate exercise, I hate sweating, I hate hot summer days, and I love ice cream. However, I am ONLY doing this to be healthier. Weight-loss is only a nice side effect of keeping my heart and knees healthy. I think this mind frame is what will keep me going in all this. I need to feel young again because I AM YOUNG! DAMN IT!

Oh, and the hot dude that I work with is certainly motivation too! More about him in a later post...

One Amazing Broad!

The hot mama wearing the visor is my good friend Donna. She is a big supporter of the Susan Komen race and walk for the cure. According to her website she will be be participating in the:

"Susan Komen 3 Day Walk for the Cure November 9-11 in San Diego. I'll be walking 60 miles in 3 days! But I have a lot of work to do before that, like getting in shape, and collecting the $2,200 in pledges that I need. Please visit my Official HQ page at

http://www.the3day.org/sandiego07/princesspixie
or contact me at pproyale@yahoo.com."

Please visit Donna's brand new and purty blog at http://donnasblogforthecure.blogspot.com/
Send her some love and if you can, please donate a small bit to her cause. As you can see, she needs to raise quite a bit of money and can't do it alone. If you visit her Official HQ page, you can make a donation. It is quick and easy, and you can donate any amount -- even $5.

She didn't ask me to post this and will probably kill me for doing so. However, she is a dear friend and anything I can do to help, I shall. I personally have already donated to her pledges and if everyone out there just donated 5 bucks, we could get her walking that 60 miles. Plus, she will get to visit with her brand new grand-baby boy!

Congratulations Donna and GOOD LUCK!!

Don't Chew Jesus

I have been sitting on this post for awhile. I just haven't had the time to fully dedicate my anger toward this on going issue. Well, look out bitches because I got the time now!

Recently while I was at work, a co-worker came up to me with some disturbing information. She said a customer had just came up to her with a book from our Gay and Lesbian book section that had a religious tract on the inside.
Don't know what a tract is? Here is some (quite) interesting information on tracts that I got from Wikipedia:

As religious literature, they were used throughout the turbulence of the Protestant Reformation, and various uphevals of the 17th century. They came to such prominence again in the Oxford Movement that it became known as Tractarianism, after the publication in the 1830s and 1840s of a series of religious essays collectively called Tracts for the Times.

These tracts were written by a group of Church of England clergy including John Henry Newman, John Keble, Henry Edward Manning, and Edward Pusey. They were theological discourses that sought to establish the continuity between the Church of England and the patristic period of church history. They had a vast influence on Anglo-Catholicism. They were learned works and varied in length from four to over 400 pages.[1] An important center for the spreading of tracts was the London-based Religious Tract Society.[2] Tracts were used both within England - affecting the conversion of pioneer missionary to China, Hudson Taylor - as well as in the cross cultural missions movements such as Taylor founded: the China Inland Mission. Charles Spurgeon wrote many tracts, and in addition to these evangelical writings, his "Penny Sermons" were printed weekly and distributed widely by the millions and used in a similar way.

The publishing of tracts for religious purposes has continued unabated. In the United States, the American Tract Society has continuously published literature of this type since 1825. As evangelistic tools, tracts became promininent in the Jesus movement. One of the most widely distributed was "The Four Spiritual Laws" authored by Bill Bright of Campus Crusade for Christ and first published in 1965. "This Was Your Life" was the first of many tracts written by Jack Chick. Later Chick tracts followed the pattern vivid cartoon images and began to focus on vehement Anti-Catholic opinions.

In the 1980s and 1990s Last Days Ministries reprinted articles in the Last Days Newsletter by Keith Green and other contemporary and historic writers including David Wilkerson, Leonard Ravenhill, Winkie Pratney, Charles Finney, John Wesley, and William Booth. More recently Living Waters Publications prints tracts such as "The Atheist Test" or "Are You Good Enough to Go to Heaven?", as well as tracts which feature attention-getting illusions or gags. These include the "Million Dollar Bill", which caused a legal controversy in June 2006.

Brochure-like tracts, also known as pamphlets, advocating political positions have also been used throughout history as well. They were used throughout Europe in the 17th century. In the 18th century, they featured prominently in the political unrest leading up to the American Revolution. A well-known example of a far-reaching tracts from this era is Common Sense by Thomas Paine.

Tracts were used for political purposes throughout the 20th century. They were used to spread Nazi propaganda in central Europe during the 1930s and 1940s. According to Jack Chick, his impetus to design cartoon-based religious tracts was brought on by hearing of a similar promotional tool used by Communists in China to wide success. [3] In the months before the John F. Kennedy assassination, Lee Harvey Oswald handed out pamphlets promoting Fidel Castro and Communist Cuba on the streets of New Orleans, Louisiana.

I've never seen any political tracts, just the religious ones. They are fucking everywhere: under your windshield wipers, given to waitresses as tips, and books. This co-worker and I went through every single GLBT book in that section and found over 10 tracts folded inside various books. Many of the tracts had the words "Death" or "Heaven or Hell?" in big letters on the front.

I went to our New Age section, and by God, there were more of those suckers inside books on Wicca, Witchcraft, Magical Arts, Astrology and Occult. Let's just say I was PPIISSEEDD!!

Of course, there is not a whole hell of a lot that you can do to stop these terrorists. If you don't see them placing something inside of books, you can't punish them or stop them. I do understand that my employer can't set up signs that say "please refrain from placing your hate into our publications". I would love to know if anyone has ever been "saved" from reading one of these!

I just wish more can be done. It breaks my heart to imagine the poor person who innocently opens their Lesbian parenting guide book only to find a pamphlet telling them they are going to Hell. They do not deserve to experience that and no matter how hard you think your heart is, hate still hurts. To be honest it would make me not want to go back to that store, even if it wasn't the fault of the business but the fault of their ignorant, simple minded, hate-filled, inbred, hypocritical customers.

Don't get me wrong, I think religion can be down right beautiful. If you have that peace in your heart and you come from a pure place, then I can honor that. It is when hate and judgment are being thrown at people in God's name. He who is without sin, cast the first stone. If I need saving, I will find you. There is a fucking church on every corner. I don't mean to pick on the Christians because many religions have those holier than thou people who perform atrocities in the name of religion. By the way, what does Hell look like Mr. Fallwell?

So, what can I DO? Well, every week I go through those sections of the bookstore and remove any hate pamphlets I find and pitch them. I also thought about scanning the tracts I found to show you what they looked like, but I thought better of it. However, I think we should write, or call or e-mail these folks and let them know just how much their words mean to us. I even thought about grabbing a whole bunch of subscription cards from gay magazines and feminist magazines and signing them up for subscriptions. (wink, wink)

Those words should be burned and the addresses ... shared with all!:

"If you have decided to trust Jesus Christ as your Saviour after reading this tract, please write and let us know."
Fellowship Tract League
PO Box 164
Lebanon, Ohio 45036
www.fellowshiptractleague.org

"This prayer card answers a request from Our Lady that prayer cards be distributed throughout America so that all might know she has come here and wishes to be known as Our Lady of Light. To honor her request and help to distribute her prayer cards, write to:"
Our Lady of Light Prayer Card
PO Box 176236
Covington, KY 41017
859-331-9393


To all of you tract passers: As Frank Zappa once sang, "Jesus thinks you're a jerk."

**The title of my post comes from an actual book in the Christianity section. Don't believe me? Check it out right here. The title cracks my shit up every time!**

Employee Appreciation

EMPLOYEE APPRECIATION DAYS ARE A-COMIN'!

GET THE GOODS WHILE THEY ARE HOT!

LET ME KNOW WHAT CHA' NEED, GIVE ME SOME CASH, AND I WILL

PICK IT UP FOR YOU.

BOOKS: 40%
CD DVD: 30%


JUNE 8-12TH

YOU KNOW WHERE

Not just a fan...

Not only do I love watching and reading about crab fishing and commercial fishing of all kinds, I actually care about the men and women behind the stories I love so much.

May 6th is a special day. The following blurb is from the Seattle Fisherman's Memorial to honor those who have gone to sea, only to never return. May they rest in peace and may their families find solace someday. To read more, or donate just click the blue link above.

"In 1988, the Seattle Fishermen's Memorial dedicated a magnificent bronze and stone aggregate monument at Seattle's Fishermen's Terminal. The celebration culminated years of effort and generous contribution by Seattle's commercial fishing community. This towering sculpture and the bronze name plaques at its base have become a place of reverence, recognition and healing for the families of more than 670 local commercial fishermen and women who have lost their lives pursuing their livelihood since the turn of the century.

More than a tribute to an industry and the lives of its men and women, the monument fills a special need for commercial fishing families. In many instances, those who are lost at sea simply vanish, leaving their loved ones without a word or a trace. The construction of this monument has provided their memory a residence, a site for family and friends to visit, to place flowers, to reflect and to heal.

Each Spring, on the first Sunday of May, the Memorial hosts a service to honor all of those who have died at sea and to place additional names on the plaques. Sadly, commercial fishing remains the country's most dangerous profession, and new names have been added each year."

Aunt Barbara

http://www.my.tupperware.com/imauntbarbara

Aunt Barbara Presents Processed Meat from Austria

I. Love. Her!
See more of my aunt, at
http://my2.tupperware.com/tup-html/I/imauntbarbara-welcome.html

Kissy face.

Ha! Finally I am able to post my kissy face picture that I took for all of you that have been showing me such love over the past couple of weeks (and years). Thanks for putting up with me bitches!

26 HOURS!!??

26 hours!? That is all you can give me is 26 fucking hours!! I guess it is time for a new job. After working for 6 years, every fucking holiday (except christmas), every inventory night, doing all the grunt work, putting up with certifiably insane people, being yelled at, cursed at, talked down to, and insulted...I get 26 fucking hours?

You know what, fine. One day I will get mine. One day I will be the one in charge. One day I can be the one with the power and I am totally going to

FUCK! YOU! OVER!

Maybe I will be in charge of the nursing home your poor ass will be sitting in. Yeah, and I will put fucking laxatives in your apple sauce.

On second thought, your assholes are probably going to be so fucking tight from years of being power-hungry, suck-up wannabes that you will want to shit.

So no fucking Prunes for you. Ever!


PS- Hey you! Yeah, the bitch I closed with tonight. You wanna know why I was so quiet tonight and not talking to you? For once it didn't have anything to do with your ass, so stop thinking you are the center of my universe. You just assume it is Lothian being pissy again.

I was quiet because I was sad. I got a call tonight that my Aunt died.

I wasn't being bitchy, or crabby, or fucking miserable in my work. I was sad. I don't share my sadness. I don't fucking walking around telling everyone who has a set of ears about my medical problems. I like to keep my personal, personal.

A LESSON, STOP ASSUMING AND START ASKING! STOP IGNORING AND START BEING MORE PROACTIVE. THERE IS A REASON EVERYONE IS FUCKING MISERABLE. IT ISN'T ALL OUR FAULTS.
Open your goddamn eyes people.

Sig and Edgar Hansen on Leno 4/24/07

Oh, and you bitches thought nobody but me watched Deadliest Catch??

Thank you!

Thank you. That's all I can say is thank you.

I am totally overwhelmed by the support of everyone out there! I am doing much better as the idea gets more and more embedded in my brain. I still have the random panic attacks when I think about sleeping outside in a cardboard box because I took a chance on life...

However, that is doing me no good so I need to STOP IT!! I called my folks and let them in on everything and to my great surprise they were really very supportive. They said that they felt I was doing the right thing, and if I needed their help I can have it. So all in all, it has been a good day.

Also, I found 49 cents on the floor at work today, so I am financially set for a while.

As usual, I will keep everyone posted as I find out more information and things develop. Hopefully things are looking up for me and I can start making you laugh again instead of freaking everyone out and depressing them.

I love you, I am off to get some well deserved sleep.

EASIER TO BE MISERABLE

I am so exhausted from crying and being stressed out that I don't even know if I can be cohesive. Basically I just stepped down from my job. I didn't quit, I am just not going to be a "Lead" anymore. I enjoy this test grading thing too much to give it up and I can't do both. I think I could do both, but my 'permanent job' will not let me. I applied to the 3 other companies in Columbus that do test grading and I begin a new project with them on Wednesday.

Why am I upset? First of all, my manager did not even bat an eye when I told her I was stepping down. She didn't care one bit. I don't understand what I needed to give her, what I needed to do to make her happy. All I ever wanted was to do a good job! All I ever wanted was to be appreciated. All I ever wanted was some respect. I get none of that from her. I don't understand it and I don't find it fair. I don't understand why I care so much.

I thought I did my job well. For fuck's sake, I have been a "Lead" for the majority of my 6 years at my job. (If I had to venture a guess, I would say 5 of those 6 I have been a "Lead.") It is incredibly hard for me to just give that up -- it is all I have known for all these years. No matter how much I joke about it and how little I show it, believe it or not, I do fucking care about my job. I do want things to look nice and be correct. I feel a sense of pride walking through the area of the store that I take care of and know that it is correct and looks nice. I thought my stepping down would have been shown a little more respect and thoughtfulness than just a shrug of the shoulder and an "Oh, Okay."

Why am I terrified? Read the title of this post. I have always found it to be easier to be miserable than to shake up my life and change things. Hell, my garbage disposal hasn't worked in nearly a year because it is easier for me to just deal with it than call the landlord and have him rip everything up to fix it.

Pathetic isn't it? I am just not a risk taker and I fear the unknown. However, I have been so miserable these past few years. Every time I pray, it is to be happy. Every time I 'make a wish' it is to be happy. Every time I look in the mirror, I do not like what I see. I never used to be a Big bitter babe. I used to be happy. I contemplate suicide sometimes because my life is NOT what it is supposed to be. It is just in a shitty rut that, for whatever reason, I will not get myself out of. I am in my own fucking way.

Recently I filled out a "fun" e-mail questionnaire made by a friend of mine. I answered truthfully and sent it on it's merry little way. Thank goodness I saved a copy of it because I got to thinking about my answers. I looked them over and realized how much my replies revealed. I will include the survey at the end of my post. I am sure you will find the revealing answers too if you read it.

So ... now I have really set myself up! I am losing at least 75 cents an hour. I am not guaranteed hours. In fact, the way the manager talked I may not get any at all. I have a sneaking suspicion that she will take this opportunity to push me out.

All I really want to know is ... why?

I shouldn't worry, right? I have another job. I have this test grading thing, right? Yeah, right. It is not permanent - it is on a project by project basis. I could find myself without any work in the next month. I could find myself without any insurance.

OR ... I could find the happiness that I am looking for.

I am in financial dire straits right now, so the fat angel that is on my shoulder is telling me to just give up this test-grading-finding-a-job-I-love bullshit dream and just go back to my permanent job. She is telling me that it is a stupid idea and one that will never work. She says that all I am going to do is go back in a month to my workplace begging for my "Lead" job back. She is yelling that I will never find something to make me happy, that all jobs suck. I should not be taking such a risk because I will lose it all.

However, the chubby little devil on my other shoulder is whispering to me that this is no big deal. That maybe this is just the push I need to get out of retail completely. She says that it isn't like I am quitting my job completely. She is still holding onto the hope that there is some good left in this world and that if I need more hours, I will be able to have them. She knows I do a good job and will be shown the respect I deserve someday and by someone. She looks at someone like my dear friend and motivator Candy, with longing. A longing to have the kind of "fly-by-night", "no matter what happens it will be okay", "life is too short to not be happy"- kind of attitude.

So who do I listen to? The devil or the Angel? I certainly can't get my heart and my head to make a decision they both agree on! I am just crossing my fingers and hope that it will all be alright. I am leaning on my friends and their support as I know that many have been where I am right now. I envy Candy and her life motto to be happy and enjoy life. I aspire to be more like her and I pray her outlook on life will please rub off on me.

I want to look back on my life and see that I did more than just worked for a living. I never understood living to work. Yet, how do we travel or have a roof over our heads or eat if we don't have money? We need to work to get money, and thus my conundrum arises. I want to travel and see this world. I want to study other cultures. I want to be a writer. I want to be famous. I want to understand the world around me. I want a damn dog and an apartment that isn't in the ghetto. Yet, a job is always going to be in the way of that. I will always need money to live. So in a way, why live?

I feel like I am falling down a deep and dark rabbit hole and the only things I have to grasp onto are my friend's hands. I have never allowed myself to rely on others. I DO NOT ask for help. I DO NOT let people see me cry. I DO NOT let people make me cry. However, I am going to have to do this to move on. To get out of the shitty rut. I am beginning a very difficult and dark journey.

If you have read this far, then thank you for reading and thank you for being there for me. Sometimes I just need to write things out to feel a little better and figure things out in my own head. I purge, I read, and I hopefully feel better and understand more. Posting it so people can read it just holds me to things a little more. I have learned so much just from people coming up to me and saying that they liked what I wrote, that they found it funny, or that they have had some similar experience to share. Sometimes it is just people coming up to me and saying "damn lothian, I never knew you felt that way."

I never got around to it, but it meant so much to me to log in and find a supportive comment from "Dennis in Dallas," someone I have never even met! Or the love that "A concerned Co-Worker" shows me. I even appreciate the sass that Ron snaps at me. And then there are those who don't leave me comments, but hug me the next time they see me. Thank you.

I hope you will come on this ride with me.


**As promised, The Proust Questionnaire**

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Sitting by a lake with the breeze in my face, just listening to the silence.

What is your greatest fear?
Death. I don't like the unknown and being alone.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
I don't know if I can identify with them, but I always felt I was killed in the Holocaust in a former life. It all seems so familiar and strikes a fear and an empathy in me that I do not understand or could explain.

Which living person do you most admire?
Those with physical and mental (and others) challenges who live life to the fullest and do not hide themselves away. The amount of discrimination they must face on a day to day basis is unimaginable to me.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My anger/irritation with the general public. I never used to be that way, I used to love meeting strangers and talking with them.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Someone who is inconsiderate and so caught up in their own little world that they don't consider others. Common decency is dead in our society.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Books and DVD's. Self pity.

What is your favorite journey?
To the realization of something profound about myself that I have been lacking all these years.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Modesty

On what occasion do you lie?
When I fear I will hurt someone by telling them the truth. I value honesty to the highest, so I tend to not lie.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
All of it, I wish I was in a different body all together.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"Like", "You Know", "And stuff like that", and any version of "Fuck" that I feel appropriate.

What is your greatest regret?
Thinking that it was all my fault and not telling them right away.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My parents and sisters: Dad, Mom, Jennifer, Angel, Phylis, (in that order I think) and all the rest of the family and friends.

Which talent would you most like to have?
The ability to sing ... well.

What is your current state of mind?
Discontent and devastated

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
I would make them live closer to me and actually talk to one another and not hold ancient grudges.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I haven't done it yet. Although going to a large college 3 hours away from my family and my small town was a pretty big achievement.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
I think it would be a spider because I have killed so many of them in the past (I have since taken a vow to not kill them) and it would be pay back time.

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
A Buddhist monk.

What is your most treasured possession?
A ceramic Christmas tree that lights up. My mother took a class while she was pregnant with me to make it for me.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
For myself, it would be when both my grandparents died.
For others, I would say losing a child or someone to suicide.

What is your favorite occupation?
Finding THAT would be the answer to some of my unhappiness. Probably being a reader/scorer of assessment tests.

What is your most marked characteristic?
I would like everyone to read this and tell ME what it is, because I have no idea.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Nice hands, kindness, a sense of humor, affection, gentle and understanding of a scarred soul.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Friendliness, humor, affection.

What do you most value in your friends?
Honesty and support.

Who are your favorite writers?
JRR Tolkien, Margaret Atwood, Edgar Allan Poe, Katherine Dunn, Phillip Pullman

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Samwise Gamgee. I would also go through Mordor to help a friend. His quiet strength and endurance is something I admire.

What is it that you most dislike?
Being so unhappy with my life and not being able to find that which will fix things.

How would you like to die?
Helping someone else so that my death was meaningful and useful. Like the Coast Guard says "so that others may life"

What is your motto?
Harm none, learn, and make a difference.

pee wee

StarWars Don't Smoke Ad

Tunak Tunak Tun (Best Copy)

A Fat Rant

I have been following this Fat Rant saga on Youtube. It is very interesting and I encourage you to check it out. Just go on Youtube and search for "fat rant." I will be posting some of the videos that I have seen and have been impressed with. It is definitely interesting to see how people are reacting to the video and what they have to say about it. When I have more time I will elaborate with my very own fat rant as well. Although it won't be on video... Send me your rants if you'd like and I will post 'em here!

290 22/24

she is my hero. worship her!

How do you type with a Dog in your face??

Hello all!! Well, I am updating my blog to tell you that I won't be updating my blog... Hee hee!

Actually, On Tuesday I am starting my 'other' job again. You know, the test grading thing. Any who, I will be working pretty much all day and everyday. It kind of sucks, but the paycheck always makes it worth it.

Last time I worked 6 days at my 'real' job instead of 5 to make up the time I was losing by only working 4-11. I am not going to do that this time around, I nearly died! Fuck it and fuck that place.

I have been dog/house sitting for relatives this weekend which has been wonderful. I took off work since they live 30 minutes out of Columbus, so I have just been vegging out and relaxing before the hellish work month begins.

Of course, I stopped by my apartment today since I had to be in town to go to a doctor's appointment and my cable was out. I worried that maybe I didn't pay my bill, but I did. After various tries to get someone on the phone I finally got a woman who told me that they would have to come inside my apartment to check things. How the hell is that going to happen when I am working 8:15am-11pm everyday? I told her that I would call back later when I can work something out. Blah!! So now I am without TV or Internet. I can live without television if I have Internet because most of the shows I watch are available online. But without BOTH??? Shit this sucks!!

Many people have asked me what happened with the music manager job and why I didn't get it. Well, I am almost sick of talking about it to me honest. I was very upset about the whole thing. I felt betrayed, I was lied to, and I was fucked over. It isn't that I had my heart set on being the MM (music manager), it would have been a horribly mind numbing, boring ass job. What I really want is to be a Department Manager. However, I doubt that will ever happen.

So lets see, what happened. Well, more or less my cunt fucking asshole of a manager told me she was interviewing many candidates and I was one of them. She interviewed me on a Wednesday. The next Monday she went on vacation for a week. That next Monday, the new MM started. What the fuck?? At what point does she wants me to believe that she never hired this socially awkward, quiet, and shy woman before my interview? This woman fucking transferred from MICHIGAN!! I am supposed to believe that during her ONE WEEK vacation, "cunt fucking asshole" called "socially awkward" and offered her a job. Then "S.A" moved to Ohio, got settled and started the next Monday. How fucking stupid does "cunt fucking asshole" think I am?

Clearly, this bitch was hired before I was even interviewed. So not only was I lied to, I was humiliated my even being interviewed. The reason I didn't get the job? I am not a leader. What the fuck? The MM now has yet to even introduce herself to me. How is that a leader? Oh, and how am I supposed to lead when I have no one to lead? And what is "leading" exactly? Is is training someone? - I do that. Is is knowing your stuff? - I do that. Is it working as a team? - I do that (and better than our current management team0. It is like don't fucking tell someone that they don't deserve a job because they do not manage a staff if they have no staff to manage!

I know that there are some people who think that I should not look at this whole fiasco so poorly. Some people have said, "I am sure she was just trying to give you a chance." What kind of chance would I have against someone who was an assistant manager? Yeah, that's right. The new MM had to transfer from another store where she was an AM.

I just wish "cunt fucking asshole" would have just not even interviewed me. I stood no chance and she clearly had no intention of hiring me. She has pulled this shit once already. How does that saying go? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Fool me three times ... I fucking quit and am slashing your tires.

Too good for management

Well today was just awful. Filled with tears, nausea and fury. I am so upset in fact that I can not even process it enough to put into words. I will write the whole fucking story later, I promise.

All about Scarlet

The above picture is my car, Scarlet. She and I go everywhere together and lately we have been having some very interesting adventures. Things have been SO CRAZY in fact, that she has asked to write her very own blog. So without any further ado, I give you Scarlet the Harlot.

Hello lothian's friends,

How are you? I am not so fine. Well, I am okay now. However, Lothian and I have had quite an interesting week. Why don't we start at the beginning, shall we?
On Sunday Lothian and I stopped over at Tim and Ron's house. Lothian watched the Oscar's and drank too much wine while I sat outside and mingled with the other auto's around. It turns out Ron's car has seen him do some very unladylike things inside of her. However, she swore me to secrecy, so I can't spill the beans.
Anywho, on the way home we hit a pothole with my right wheel. It hurt really really bad. The fucking hole was filled with water so Lothian couldn't see it but when we hit it, we hit hard. I cried a lot. The next day Lothian slept in, so she didn't notice something wrong with my shoe. However, on Tuesday Lothian got up to go to work and saw that my tire was kind of low/flat. Lothian called off work and took me to Walmart to get a new shoe (tire). They propped me up and looked under me. It was very embarrassing, but I was brave. It turned out that the man at Walmart could not fix me because my rim on the tire was bent.
Lothian then drove me to the dealership (where she found me at) and asked those men to fix me. They had to special order a rim for me because I am special, and they couldn't fix me that day. So, Lothian drove to a NAPA auto parts store and bought me some 'fix a flat' stuff to keep the air in my wheel and we went to work.
The next day (Wednesday) Lothian took me to the dealership and the nice men fixed me up. I had a hole in my power steering line too (from hitting the hole), so Lothian had to pay for them to fix that too. She told me that the whole experience cost over $200.00!! As they say, "I am not a cheap date," that is for sure!
Needless to say, Lothian is going to report the incident to the state of Ohio and hopefully get some apologies and money back over the entire thing.

You would think that was enough to happen in one week, but NOPE!! Just tonight (Saturday) Lothian had to close at her job. Apparently people were calling the store to tell her that the normal way we go home, I-71, was closed down due to ice and car accidents. Lothian was not too happy about that because it meant we had to take the long way home.
At about 11:45pm Lothian and I headed for home. We drove onto a road called Sancus and took another road called Lazelle. Soon Lothian would make a terrible decision. Instead of driving down Lazelle to High Street and then High Street to Morse Road, Loth decided to take a shortcut since the roads didn't seem too bad. All was going well until she saw that traffic was backed up at the upcoming light at High Street. She knew she had to begin stopping right away and far back behind the other cars because if she slid, she did not want to slide into someone.
Suddenly it happened!! I hit some sort of black ice or something. Lothian tapped/pumped the brakes like she was supposed to in icy/snowy weather, but I began to slide off the side of the road. She tried flooring the break and turning my wheel, but no to avail. We slid (luckily we were only going 25-30 mph) into a small ditch. However, we didn't stop. We continued sliding through the ditch and over someone's driveway. We narrowly missed hitting someone's mailbox! Eventually we hit a "City corporation" sign straight on. Luckily we stopped there. We got stuck for a few minutes in the small ditch and Lothian had to keep putting me in drive and then reverse and back again until I finally got out of the ditch.
We were both really really scared!! We had never been in a car accident before!! Lothian did not know what to do and she was shaking. She put me in park in the driveway that we sort of flew over. She looked all over me but did not see anything wrong. She tried to call her friend Renee to see what she should do, but Renee did not answer and she did not want to try and wake her up since it was late. So, Lothian called her parents who told her that since I did not get hurt, SHE did not get hurt, and we did not hurt anyone or anything else (except that poor sign) that we did not have to report it and that we should just go home.
Lothian drove me home really slowly and carefully. Even more carefully than she was driving before. I did not like going so slow, but I did not like hitting a sign either! Needless to say, we got home alright and Loth called her daddy as soon as we arrived. He is a nice man, who helps Lothian take really go care of me. He spoils me and puts all sorts of liquids and lubes and things on me to keep me happy.
Lothian was pretty shaken up (and I have to admit I was too) and needed a beer to calm her down. She said that she was not going to be able to sleep for a while and that she was going to blog about our first car accident. After explaining to me what blogging is, I asked her if I could write the story. She told me that since I saved her life tonight and had been through so much trauma this week that I could.
Well, it has been nice talking with you. Please take it easy on Lothian this week. She and I have been through a lot these past few days! It hasn't all been about me either. She hasn't told you yet, but I don't think her interview for the music manager position went very well ... But remember, you didn't that hear that from me. Anyway, Take care! And if you see me at one of Loth's friends houses or in the parking lot at work, give me a pat or a kiss. I have had a shitty week.

see you soon!,
Scarlet

I am out like Elton John

I just wanted to make a quick post to let ya'll know I am leaving for home sweet home Saturday and will be gone for a week. I needed to use up my vacation time, and my birthday is the 23rd. So, I figured I would spend some time with my folks and hopefully get some peace and quiet.

I most likely will not have access to a computer, so I doubt that I will be posting during this time. Audio blogger went kaput, so I can't even do that for you bitches. Alas, you will just have to wait with baited breath until my return.

How about I leave you with some juicy gossip? Okay not that juicy, but something to entertain yourselves none the less. Apparently the music manager of my store is leaving. I personally can't really stand the guy, so no tears here. Anyway, he is leaving and after a lot of debate and indigestion I decided to tell my store manager that I am interested in the position.

Why the debate? The job will be boring as hell. Plus I am more interested in books than music, but I can fake anything...

I figured that I had to go for it. I needed to show that I am interested in moving up the company ladder. After about 6 years, I kind of want to have something to show for my hard work. Plus, I know I can do the job -- None of the jobs in that hole are very difficult. I would also be making more money which is always nice, though I am sure I won't be making much.

I have a few things working against me, but I don't think anyone else has shown any interest in the position so I may win it by default. I will "interview" for the position when I get back, and you bitches KNOW I will keep you informed of it all -- second by second.

What do I have working against me? Well, Let me enlighten ya'.

*I don't interview well at all. I suck at it. I really fucking blow. I stammer, I can't think straight, and I can never come up with any good answers to the stupid questions they always ask. However, I have a week to plan ahead and come up with some good answers, read interviewing books, and get pumped up.

*The store manager...she's incompetent. She may already have some ass-backward fucked up solution to the manager leaving. This solution will only make sense to her and will leave the rest of us confused and spread wide open, bent over a barrel.

*My attitude. I say what I think. It is as though I lack that little thought bubble in cartoons -- revealing all my dislikes for my job and some co-workers. Maybe I have that thought bubble, but I pop it and spew out the bitterness.
Open mouth, insert foot. Deep-throat foot. Gag on own stupidity. Repeat.

*My attitude. In general, I think most of our customers are idiots. I tend to share this thought with everyone...please refer to my ''insert foot" analogy.

*My attitude. I like to joke. A lot. Mostly at the stupid customers or stupid employees that I have to work with everyday. Most people find these jokes funny. Even most decision-making people at my store laugh at my jokes. However, it has been my experience that once these people get the upper hand (ie: interviews or reviews) they don't find these jokes funny anymore.
Let me give you a example of what I mean. My former boss, Secky Bexton (get it?...), was and is an absolute fuckwad. When I worked for her, she would make us fill out a log while working at the information desk. In that log, we would write down what we did for the hour or two we were working the desk. I had no problem with that, and did as I was told. After a while, many of the things people wrote were funny little ditties or joking comments. Well, one day I wrote something along the lines of "while working at the information desk, I answered stupid questions like 'do you have an information desk?' "
Not my best joke, but cute.
Months later, during an argument with her that involved her telling me what a shitty employee I am (and me not agreeing) she brings up that little joke. She said how disrespectful it was to her and the customer. She told me how super offended she was by me writing that (so offended, that she took months to tell me about it?) and how that just shows what a terrible employee I am.
My point is that what I say, even if everyone laughs at it, may come back to haunt me when it becomes something that certain people can use. Use Against Me.

*Lastly (but not all) I complained about the current music manager not took long ago. I will give you the short-end of the story since I am sick of typing. Basically, he can not go on his lunch break until the person who is scheduled to cover his break arrives. Well, in the real world shit happens. Things like: You get stuck at cashwrap, a customer is taking to long to help, a scheduling conflict that you failed to catch (your break is at the same time- sort of thing), or you just plumb forget. I understand that it is frustrating to have to wait, but he is down-right rude and nasty if you are not on time. Recently, he pissed me off for the last time. He was very aggressive and intimating, and snapped at me. Since this is not the first time he has done this to myself or other women in the store, I was infuriated! Now, many of you have not seen me genuinely mad. I mean road-rage mad, okay? I inherited my fathers temper for sure. God help the fucker who fucks with me first.
Anyway, I was so taken aback that I didn't say anything to him at first. I covered the break and left, giving him the evil eye. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I felt I had two choices.
1) Go to him and break his nose
2) Go to the store manager and have her mediate the situation.
Luckily for everyone, I opted for #2. Of course, the store manager acted as if I should be handling this on my own, and she was right. A person who wants to be a manager, deals with difficult people themselves and does not run and tell the boss. However since he is my superior -- and I am a peon, I felt I needed to go to HIS superior and make her aware of the situation. What I didn't tell her was that I feel as though now since I told her about it, the next time I could justifiably knock him out. Hell, I told her there was a problem...I covered my ass.
I digress, to make a long story even longer, she acted like he was the fucking Pope or something, and would never treat anyone like that. He agreed. However, he apologized which I respect. But things have not been the same since and I worry this will hinder my chances.

Well, I am sick of typing so I am going to close now. I think I gave you plenty to chew over while I am gone. Don't forget to send my birthday presents.

I prefer cash.

Valentine for Perfect Strangers

Happy VD day, bitches!

Lost - Only fools are enslaved by time and space

This is that crazy "Clockwork Orange" sequence from last week's LOST played backwards. It is kind of creepy. If you go to Youtube where this is posted, the viewers have some interesting ideas on what the hell this means.

For the love of everything holy ...

For the love of everything Gay in this world, Someone please buy this!!! I mean come on, it's "BALL-SY" and "COCK-Y"!

Is it hot in here, or is it just Lothian?

These pictures are for Stephanie, who claims she has yet to see the stills from my sex tape with Colin. Hell, they are for me too!

Even Bitches can do some good!

Recently, I sent away for a Wildlife Warriors Worldwide bracelet from the Discovery Channel store. Saddened by the untimely death of "The Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin, I wanted to support his continuing cause and name. The WWW is a fund created by Steve Irwin and his wife Terry as a way to "include and involve other caring people to support the protection of injured, threatened or endangered wildlife – from the individual animal to an entire species."

Please check out the information about the bracelets here.
Please check out the information about the organization here.

I simply wanted 1 bracelet, but they come in packages of 10. Suddenly, I had a bunch of bracelets and nothing to use them for.

Once I started reading the materials, I realized that 100% of the profits and not a portion of the profits went to the Wildlife Warriors Worldwide foundation. This got my brain gears going, and I came up with a plan for the bracelets.

My plan is this: if any of you want one, I would love to give you one. All I ask is for one dollar. I will then take your dollar and match it. For example, my friend Christina bought one from me for $1. I then matched her dollar to make $2. Ideally, I would like to sell all 10 bracelets (I already added $2 to the fund for the one I wear). That would make $20 to donate to the Wildlife Warriors Foundation. I am up to $4 right now. I know that twenty bucks does not seem like much, but ten dollars is all I can afford to match.

I am not trying to scam anyone here. What the hell am I going to do with 10 rubber bracelets? I think it is a good idea, but please don't feel pressure to purchase a bracelet. If you are interested, just let me know. I will keep everyone updated when I reach my goal of $20.

The bitch is back

Woo Hoo!! Apparently the glitch I have been experiencing with posting pictures on this site may have fixed itself. Let's hope so.

I am truly sorry for not posting much lately. January has been a really weird month for me and right now I am feeling like Mr Pug over there. Depressed, y'all.

January started out really well for me and I attacked the new year with nun chucks! At the beginning of the month, I contacted some sources from Ohio State (where I did my undergraduate program) about continuing my education. The school of Social Work got back to me and told me that my previous degree would allow me to skip all the undergrad Social Work coursework and go straight into the Masters program to get my LSW, or License of Social Work. When I think about jobs I would like, most of them require a LSW.

Next I contacted the school of Journalism and Communications at OSU. Turns out they do not have a Masters program for Journalism, but they sent me some great information on the undergrad coursework for the Journalism Degree.

Lastly, I looked into Columbus State and a new "school" in Westerville called Boehecker College. I am looking into a nursing or medical assistant degree in these locations. BC seems to be a more focused and quicker program, whereas CS is much more involved and probably better in the long run.

Interestingly (and sadly), I contacted the department of Women's Studies about getting my masters since I have a degree in WS already. I have yet to hear back from them...

And .... that's as far as I got. Going back to school just seems like such a daunting process. I am already $20,000 in debt just for my first degree and am having major problems paying that back. I also feel like I wasted all my time and money getting a Women's Studies degree, I don't want to make the same mistake again. How am I supposed to know if I would like Social Work, or Nursing, or Journalism? I don't want to go through all that and be stuck doing something I hate. So, I am in a holding pattern right now.

On to other subjects, I feel I need to explain why I have been a royal C Y.ou N.ext T.uesday lately. On top of the weight of thinking about changing my entire life around, my health has not been great. Not to gross anyone out, I will use lame euphemisms here. My aunt Flo came to visit me the week before Christmas and just recently left. She stayed for roughly a month straight. I can not afford Birth control pills, which would most likely fix this problem. So I am forced to deal with it.

Secondly, and less disgusting are my lungs. Loyal readers will remember my fairly recent struggle with Pleurisy. Well, the winter has been absolutely brutal to my chest. Everyday I wake up hacking and wheezing. My ribcage is killing me. I really need to cover my mouth and nose with a scarf when I go out, but don't always. I am in desperate need of a humidifier. My parents bought me one, but apparently don't realize just how much I need the relief that I suspect it will give me. Don't get me wrong, I don't have Pleurisy again (thank Goddess!) but I think my lungs are now more sensitive and susceptible to the cold and cry air.

So, I have been kind of depressed lately. Which of course means that I am eating like a fucking cow. I feel fat and ugly and winter has officially depressed the shit out of me. Work is an absolute fucking disaster, but I really need to post another long rant to go through all the shit that has been happening there. Just wait, because it has been brewing in me and bubbling over. The end all, tell all work post is coming.

FUCK, IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK!!

Thanks for being so loyal

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU GUYS!! I STILL CAN'T POST PICTURES AND I CAN'T FIND OUT WHAT IS WRONG, BUT I WILL BE BLOGGING AGAIN VERY SOON. HANG IT THERE!!