Deep Fried Diabetes

Charlotte Observer 10/10/2006 How to make Coke better? Fry it

Sorry for the unoriginal posts lately. I want to get in the habit of posting everyday, so I thought that on days when I don't have the time to sit and write something or am feeling non-witty, I would share some things that I find online while checking out other sites.

Today was a hellish I-want-to-fucking-walk-out-or-stab-a-customer-in-the-eye-with-a-number-2-pencil kind of day, so I just want to stare at the TV for a couple of hours and gorge on chocolate. Sorry bitches.

I am easily amused.

Human Rights Campaign National Coming Out Day Video

Today was National Coming Out day. Here is a wonderful video celebrating Human rights/Gay Rights. I want to send out all my love to those coming out, and all my respect to those who have already come out of the closet. You have my respect for your bravery and my love for all of those who have been outcast.

As they say in the video, Talk about it. Erase Hate.

Oh, but she can be half naked??

Dlisted: FHM Doesn't Want Booze Near Brooke Hogan

Another e-mail forward...

3 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

LESSON ONE:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


LESSON TWO:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.Finally after a fourth night,the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


LESSON THREE:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!

He laid there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Management Lesson:
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is yourfriend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends the three minute management course.

**Someone forwarded this to me, and I thought it was so funny and so TRUE! I figured you all would like it, since many of my friends are having "issues" with their management team. Enjoy, but don't forget, I didn't write this one either. I am not very clever!***

Why women are so crabby.

Hey bitches,
Damn, I wish I had written this, it is hilarious!! Kudos to whomever did. I got this forwarded to me through a myspace friend. It really made me giggle, so I thought you all would enjoy it too. Remember though, I didn't write this. I can't take credit for the fun this time.
love, loth.


Why women are so crabby

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %*#!* (and
hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

Tootie's Bong

The Three Bongs

New! Lost Season 3 Trailer (new footage)

TWO WORDS: PANTY CREAMER!!

AN OPEN INVITATION

**********************************************


HEY YOU GUYS!

A BUNCH OF US FROM WORK ARE GOING TO THE
RENAISSANCE FAIRE
THIS SATURDAY

EVERYONE IS INVITED, SO IF YOU WANT TO JOIN US
PLEASE CALL OR E-MAIL ME

THE MORE THE MERRIER!!

(and hey! if I can convince her, maybe Christina will let me borrow one of her costumes!)

An updated update...

A few people have asked me how to help Donna and her fund for Sugar. I am getting in touch with her, but if you prefer, you can also send your donations directly to:

The Fairfield Area Humane Society
1721 Granville Pike
Lancaster, Oh 43130
by phone at: 740-687-0627
http://www.fairhumane.org/

Thank you for everyone who has offered to help. You bitches rock!

Pour some Sugar on me! (an update on abandoned dog Sugar)

Wow! It looks like little Sugar has a few guardian angels. One of these angels is my dear friend and faithful reader Donna.

She writes: "I have started a fund here at my full-time job for Sugar, which we will be sending in on Friday. Right now I have pledges of over $100! Hopefully Sugar will have her surgery, and a new and loving family soon."

That is fantastic Donna!! I knew people in the city would stand up to help her out, and you are such a kind and giving woman that it came to no suprise you would be one of those angels to help her.

If anyone out there is interested in contributing to Donna's fund, please let me know. You can always e-mail me at lothiantook@yahoo.com, and I will get you in touch with her.

Emaciated, Deformed Dog Dumped At Area Shelter - News - MSNBC.com

Hey, if you can help please do. That poor baby needs some love.

Emaciated, Deformed Dog Dumped At Area Shelter - News - MSNBC.com

MySpace.com

< not Roger, that's good 'ole Tom

Dearest Roger,

You wrote to me the most lovely MySpace message last night. I am such a lucky woman to receive such a nice thought -- especially after being so upset! I appreciated you taking the time to write, and I just need to share your poetic words with the rest of the world:

"31/m depressed and in search of good blow job.... intested? let me know"

Wow! I mean, wow! How could a girl possibly pass up such a respectful invitation from a complete stranger? It was a hard decision, but Alas, I must.

However Roger, I have a suggestion for you. A little piece of advice to help you on your Quest. Go to the bank and take out, oh I don't know, $50 bucks. ...and get yourself a good pounding up the ass by some lovely "working girl" named Todd.

Happy searching,
Lothian

Having a bad day.

So, I had a pretty bad night tonight. I don't know why, but I spent a good hour crying my eyes out. I think I am just really frustrated with being sick. My chest was really heavy today and although I wasn't in the pain I have been in, I still found it hard to breathe.

I decided to call my parents and ask them if they thought I should start taking the heavy-duty drugs my doctor gave me. The doctor said to take it until I felt better and then stop. I followed her advice and stopped when the pain ended. However, I am still feeling shitty.

After another half-hour of bawling my eyes out on the phone with them, we decide I need to start taking the drugs again. But I think my folks upset me more than the frustration of my illness.

I told them that I was upset because I was so frustrated. Frustrated over the doctor not being able to give me a reason why I am sick. All the doctor said is that it was just "the luck of the draw." I know medicine does not have all the answers, but what the fuck kind of thing is that to say to a patient? My mother's reaction was to say that, "well, there is no reason why people get Leukemia, they just do. At least you aren't as bad off as they are."

Well no shit, mom. But does that mean that I can't feel sorry for myself every once in a while? Christ, I know there is always someone in the world with a worse situation than myself. All I wanted was for them to say that they were sorry I was hurting and upset and frustrated. Sorry that I am afraid. I just wanted them to pretend to feel some sort of empathy. Not brush me off and change the subject.

I went through this all on my own. I am still going through this on my own. I know I have friends out there who would have been more than willing to take care of me, but I am not one of those people who can be sick in front of someone. I don't ask for help very well. My pride turned into just feeling really lonely.

All those people out there with partners, husbands, wives, roommates -- you are so fucking lucky. You have someone who you can go to in the middle of the night and cry to because you are scared. You have someone to hold your hand in the emergency room. Someone that you won't feel you are putting out by doing so. It is different with lovers or family, than friends. Who do I call at 4am when I am panicking that I am never going to feel better again? Who is going to just hold me and let me cry all night? No one. I am usually pretty used to going through this life alone, but today I just am feeling really ... sad.

All I needed from them is to say that they were sorry I sat in my apartment for 3 days unable to breathe. All I needed was a fucking verbal hug and the permission to feel sorry for myself. Apparently I am not fucking allowed to do that. Apparently it is all about them, and my little 'cold' is not important.

Sorry. I have gone and upset myself again. I can't cry and type, ya'll. It's too messy. I just really needed to get this off my chest. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, though at this point I doubt it.

I have the eye of the tiger, Lord!

I am feeling a bit better, ya'll. Thank you for all the love.

What I officially ended up being diagnosed with, is something called Pleurisy. You can click the link for more information. I would not wish this shit on my worst enemy, man. And I have a few enemies!! It was horrible, and kicked my ass for a good 4 days. I am still beat down, but not out.

I ended up calling my doctor Monday morning (I was in the ER Sunday at about 1am) because every time you visit the ER they recommend you follow up with your own doctor within a certain amount of days. So I called and they were going to have me see her on FRIDAY!! Well, I had woken up at around 6am that morning and could barely breathe. But I was not in the mood to argue, you know?

Later that day I had a really bad episode where I got super nauseous and had a sudden fever -- sweating like crazy. I was in more pain than when I went to the ER. I just wanted to die. I called back in tears and they fit me in at around 3:15. It took me a good 45 minutes to get out of the apartment and drive the 5 minutes to get there and get inside, because I could only walk in like super-slowmotion.

Anyway, long story short she gave me Prednisone for the infection and Codine for the pain. I can actually breathe now!! I am still a little sore, but I could finally get some sleep all drugged up. I am so glad I didn't wait until Friday to see her, I was in so much damn pain. It was worse than when I had surgery!

I should be back to work on Thursday. I never thought I would say it, but I will be glad to be back. To all my co-workers who read this, I am truly sorry about all the call-offs. I know how much it fucks things up for everyone. Maybe I could have come in and just worked cashwrap, but even talking for a few minutes irritated my lungs, and until Monday I wasn't sure if I was contagious (which I wasn't). Despite the facade, I really don't want to see people hurting either. Plus, it hurt so much to move and drive I was worried about traveling. I am sure you understand that I just could not do it, but I still feel awful.

It is kind of hard to describe, but the one thing I got out of this whole situation is how I can be aggressive when I want to. I could have ignored the pain, but didn't and went to the ER. I could have let them shrug me off as being to young to have anything wrong with me, but I didn't (and to be honest they did not treat me that way at all). I could have kept my doctor appointment for Friday and let myself suffer all that time, but I didn't. All and all I was proud of myself for taking care of myself. I don't usually take care of myself very well. I am not proud that I didn't ask for any help from anyone, but what the fuck do you people want? I can only fix one hang-up at a time, okay?

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the e-mail's and cards! It is so nice to know how much people care about me!

never gonna get me alive!

Yeah. Soooo.... I am sitting here at 6:10am waiting to call work so that I can tell them I can not come in today.

Why? I guess Prince's sexiness was too much for me. Let me start from the beginning.

I was spending time with some good friends last night (Saturday night) watching Purple Rain. Towards the end of the night my chest was bothering me. It hurt to breathe in and cough.

I didn't want to mention it, and I have had chest pains in the past that I foolishly ignored. So I just ignored the pain and had fun. I got home at around 12am. By 1am I had enough of the pain. It got worse and when I tried to lay down, I was in serious pain and had shortness of breath.

Off I go to the Emergency Room. Yes, I can hear you all right now. Why didn't I call someone? I don't know. I didn't want to be a bother I guess. Anyway, I tried to convince myself it was nothing and drove myself (got verbally spanked by the doctor for it too). I couldn't take the pain and since I had chest pains before, I figured that enough was enough.

They ran an EKG on me, did some bloodwork, put me on a heart monitor and pulse-checker-thingie. They also did a CAT scan of my chest. The doctor didn't feel that it was my heart that was the problem since it hurts to breathe. He was thinking more along the lines of a bloodclot in my lungs somewhere. Nice...as if I didn't have enough to worry about.

5 hours later the doctor tells me that (thank goodness) the CAT scan looked alright. My lungs and heart are still there and doing well. He was concerned about my heart beat. Just from looking at the monitor it ran from 100-150+ (and I am assuming that is per minute). The term he used was "racing". He didn't seemed too concerned -- probably thought I was just anxious. Which I guess I was. However, I was also really damn tired. Like, so tired that I really didn't care if I died at that point, because at least then I could get some sleep. So tired, that I got lost coming home. I live a good 5 minutes from the hospital.

He diagnosed me with "Pluerisy" which is a viral illness that irritates the lining around the lungs. It can cause chest pain when breathing in or cough, and the symptoms come on suddenly. It is more or less a blanket diagnonsense. "Since you don't seem to be dying, you must have an infection"-type of problem. I have to take anti-inflammatories (ie: really strong aspirin) and make an appointment with the family doctor.

Apparently Ron really is trying to kill me, and not just fantasizing about it...

Like a flame going out...

(I did not write these things, but I feel they represent my feelings very well)

September 11, 2006, will soon be approaching. On this day, please wear red, white and blue to work or school to show your support for those who lost their lives on 9~11~01 and to honor the heroes who worked to save them and the famil ies le ft behind.

At noon your time on September 11, 2006, no matter where you are or what you are doing, stop, put your hand on your heart, and say the Pledge of Allegiance out loud or to yourself and say a prayer for our nation.

In addition, for those of us who drive to work, please drive with your headlights on to also give honor and remembrance to those who perished on September 11th.

If all of us do this together in every time zone round the world, we will have a powerful chain of thoughts surrounding us.

5 years ago.....
A brother lost a sister
A father lost a son
A daughter lost a mother
A neice lost an uncle
A mother lost her only child
A dog lost its master
A wife lost her husband
A granddaughter lost her papa
A best friend lost a friend
A mother and daughter lost each other at the same time

Flight 93
The Pentagon
World Trade Center 1
World Trade Center 2
Flight 11
Flight 175
Flight 77

God gained 2,973 angels on September 11th, 2001

We Remember...... and will never forget.

A gift to my readers!

I found this picture of myself while going through some old photo albums and I thought you would just love it. It was taken in 198-something or other. I was in middle school (5th grade-8th grade) and we were going on a school trip to ...Somewhere. Don't you love all the details I have?

Let's discuss this picture, shall we?

-My hair: Styled in the ever popular "spiral perm." This involved taking a strand of hair, twisting it, and then wrapping it around a curler, soaking your head in the horrific (and I believe brain damaging) permanent solution, and sitting for an hour until your scalp burns.

-My Glasses: Blue...and plastic...and ... HUGE

-My Neaklace: A plastic peace sign. One of many I owned. Someone could have mistaken me for an international UN ambassador with all the peace sign necklaces I wore. It was very popular among the rap-artists that I so deeply connected with.

-The T-Shirt: New Kids on the Block. Need I say more? Oh wait, tucked in. Why in the hell did I tuck it in?? Fat chicks should never ever tuck.

-The Sweater: It had shoulder pads. Who the fuck had the bright idea for shoulder pads? I have the shoulders of Maurice Clarett, I did NOT need shoulder pads. If anything, I should have shoved them in my bra.

-The Waist Down: I know for a fact these are jean shorts. Jean shorts are not necessary. Ever. But the most important thing to mention here is the zipper. Let's face it bitches, I was NEVER that thin. No, I laid flat on the bed and with both hands, I grunted and groaned until I got that zipper up over my ever-growing pouch of fat. God bless that zipper. I don't know how it didn't just implode upon itself and launch little pieces of metal into the foreheads of my classmates.

-The Rest: I don't think I would be far off if I guessed I was wearing sneakers, with anywhere from 2-3 pairs of socks. Socks of various colors. "Scrunched" down on top of one another so that my ankles looked like some sort of demented candy cane. I am sure my legs were shaved. Poorly. With small patches of missed hair and lots of nicks. It was probably the first time that summer I even bothered to shave.

Ah! A bad acid trip down memory lane. Isn't it beautiful? I hope you all got a good laugh out of my humiliation. Do you see what I do for you people??!!

Here is to the good 'ole days, to NKOTB, and to zippers made in Malaysia. I salute you my fellow friends who survived the 1980's. Fellow friends who tried, but could not avoid the camera for all 10 years. I salute you, not like I usually do with a friendly middle finger. No, I salute you like I did in that picture, with the obligatory peace sign.

I need a date, part II.

As everyone can gather, I have been in a funk lately. I just can not figure out what to do with my life and where I want to go with things. It is really frustrating and heartbreaking.

A dear friend suggested I get my Tarot Cards read, and I just might do that. However, I have also been thinking of finding a life coach. Life Coaches are people who help you figure out what you want to do with your life and how to get there. It seems like a perfect match.

I researched it and found this place online that I know I have driven past a million times. I often wondered what The Center on High was. Now I know. It is sort of a New Age doctor's office. They apparently offer Aromatherapy, Reiki, Spiritual Counseling, Hypnotherapy, Chiropractic care, Yoga, Massage Therapy, Reflexology, Acupuncture, and ...LIFE COACHING!

So, this is where I need you lovely bitches. Every First Saturday of the month they have an open house. I think it coincides with the Short North Gallery Hop. Anyway, from 11am-5pm they offer demonstrations, meet and greet with the staff, and free refreshments.

I really want to go, but I don't want to go by myself. Anyone up for a New-Age-good time? There are free refreshments in it for you. And who knows, I may even let you feel me up a little!

Stewie's banjo band

WHO KNEW STEWIE LOVED BIG BITTER WOMEN? HERE IS THE SONG HE WROTE JUST FOR ME!!

A poll.

If I created a BBBNBabe store, would you buy anything?
	Hell to the NO!
	Only if you gave me something in return. Wink! Wink!
	Maybe...if you offered thongs.
	Sure, I have tons of disposable income!
	I don't know, depends on what you offer.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Goodbye

In case you live under a rock and haven't heard, the "Crocodile hunter" Steve Irwin has unfortunately passed away. Apparently he was filming a special on the Great Barrier Reef in Australia and was pierced in the chest by a stingray. The stingray stabbed his heart and he died almost instantly.

I don't know why, but I am saddened by this news. He was a young man with two young children. That alone is tragic.

however, I am consoled to think that much like the grizzly bear activist Timothy Treadwell , Irwin died doing what he loved and with animals that he so dearly cared for. I highly respect people who have made it their life mission to speak for those who can not speak for themselves. Although a little goofy, Steve Irwin was a man who spent his life caring for animals, rescuing them, and educating the public about them.

I remember the episode where one of his beloved "crocs" died of natural causes. Steve cried with grief both freely and unapologetically in front of the ever present cameras. Clearly his compassion and passion was true. I only pray that his dream and hard work is carried on by not only his staff, but also his growing children and loving wife.

REST IN PEACE, CROC HUNTER

(for more information, visit the link below)
MSN - News - 'Crocodile Hunter' Steve Irwin Dies at 44

His holy Pug-ness

Pugieness

IN HONOR OF MY 100TH POST, HERE IS A VIDEO OF AN ADORABLE PUG AND THE LUSCIOUS LITTLE PIGGY NOISES THEY MAKE.

Deep thoughts.

So, one has some free time to think when they are slacking off at work. A while back, I made a short list of things I like, weird things I do, and other random thoughts. Like the ape above, I thought really hard about these things and may have hurt myself at some point.

**Please share your deep thoughts, etc and I will add them to my post. Wierdos unite!**
**I think I will update this periodically as I find more quirks about myself**

- I have an unquenchable desire to unbend perfectly good paperclips.
- I like to stare at people when they are talking loudly on their cell phones and I react to what they are saying.
- I like to give people the finger when I drive.
- I feel the need to peel the label off of all the bottled beverages I consume.
- Brand new Sharpie Pens make me really happy.
- I often spend too long wondering what path that pen from "Hotel Pontchartrain" in Detroit Michigan took to get onto my desk.
- Grown women who chomp and smack their bubble gum irritate the hell out of me.
- I have to wash pre-packaged underwear before wearing them because I don't know where inspector #457's hands have been.
- I hate Sudoku puzzles and the left-brained number loving freaks who do them.
- I like to contemplate the need and/or usage one has for a moustache. Because they certainly are not cute.
- Female Opera singers make my ears bleed.
- Male Opera singers confuse me.
- Dogs who hump my leg make me really uncomfortable.
- I want to strangle people when the interrupt me.
- Gay guys are the only men I am comfortable around.
- I have a confusing obsession with Pope John Paul III.
- The new Pope gives me the creeps.
- I often think Hackers know I am online and are waiting to take over my computer.
- I always screw things up when I try to do the self-checkout at Kroger.
- Watching movies with sex scenes in the company of my parents is really really weird.
- I have an unhealthy addiction to popsicles.
- Loud noises and places make me crabby.
- I can't stand waiting in traffic, I get unnaturally angry.
- I don't know why, but I love watching the tv show Dog The Bounty Hunter.
- I can't stand magicians. They freak me out and make me mildly angry.
- Air conditioning both fascinates and confuses me.

... more to come.

Morons

So, as many of you know we had tornado warnings all around Columbus tonight. A full on, Meterologist getting a boner, sirens blaring, tornado warning.

Of course I was working tonight at the store. Not where I envisioned my last day on this earth, however not surprising that I would die somewhere that dreams of ripping the life out of my soul and shitting on the withered remains.

I got off track, my point is this. Much like the assholes to my left, no one in the store seemed to care. Now, I was not worried and in fact found the whole thing kind of fun. However once I saw the stupid Oprah watching, SUV driving, soccer mom idiots bringing their kids into the store I had enough.

Okay, so you are lost in a good book and do not notice the sirens blaring in your ear -- fine. You are a fearless moron whose last wish is to die at a bookstore reading Penthouse letters and sucking on a venti Java Chip Frappuchino -- fine. You are afraid of the storm and think it safer to stay inside than try to drive in the terrifying drizzle -- fine. But if you are a bored parent who can't stand a single moment more in the company of your drippy, smelly kids -- take them to the bookstore and hope to God you get blown away in the process?

These are the same idiots who are surprised when their house on wheels goes sailing past the local Walmart with them still inside.

(newscaster): "So Jim Bob, when did you decide the situation was too dangerous and that you needed to get somewhere safe?"

*spits out his tobaccy and scratches his balls*

"Wall Mizz Chong, I done thunk eet 'twas bad whan mah trayleeor started a-shakin' an movin' all by it's lonesome. I says to mah sistah who also be mah wife, I says 'jewdie, we bess get on up outta here. Dis bitch gonna blow 'way'. So, we done ran up da heel thar to mah uncle's house. He got one of them thar basements. We done got thar just in time tah see mah fav-or-ite prize heffer Lucy go sailin' by. Boy, I tells ya Mizz Chong -- I's never thunk this evah done happen tah me. I's as sue-prized as mah daddy/brother was when I was done born with these here flippers. Shoo-ee, Boy!!"

PS-- the links I put in this post might be of interest clicking on. Wink, Wink. Nudge, Nudge.

Um, Bless you?

Panda sneeze shocker

I laughed so hard, I peed a little. I jumped like mama too!!

LOST S3 Promo version 1

Panty creamer

Oh! I just wet myself a little bit!!

Damn, I can't wait for the new season. I was getting a little bored with the show, and wasn't excited until I saw this poster. Man, my Hobbit boyfriend looks F.I.N.E. Thanks to D-Listed for the picture.

Sorry about the changes

Well, you found me! Sorry I had to make the change, but I felt it necessary. I have since erased all the posts that have gotten me in trouble in the first place. This way no one gets hurt, and I can fucking move on. Thanks for following me here. I feel kind of shitty today so no Project Runway post until the weekend. But boy do I have alot to say about that!!!

south park &harry potter

this should counteract my anger

Sometimes the squeaky wheel gets the oil, and sometimes it gets the trash heap.

So, I woke up a few minutes ago thinking about work and being pissed off. I figured before I go and close on a Saturday night, I best get things off my chest. Maybe I won't be so pissed by the time I get to work.

I know many people from my workplace read this, and at this point I don't particularly care if someone gets offended or not. This is my space to do and say what I will.

I don't have the time or the energy to delve into the main reason why my job sucks right now. It is complicated and long. But I want to bitch about a small aspect of it that has gotten my knickers into a knot.

The Fucking vacuuming! I almost always close on Sunday nights, and we as a staff have to vacuum every Thursday and Sunday night. Now, at my other store we had to clean the bathrooms too, so this is not a huge deal to me really. However, I don't think we should have to do it. That is why we have a cleaning staff that comes in and does a shitty job every morning.

But alas, certain people still refuse to do the vacuuming at night. The same people, over and over again are forced to do it. One night, a staff member complained to me about it. She said that she is always the one to sweep at night, and others never do it. As a lead (supervisor to those not in the bookstore know how) I do not feel as though I am responsible to assign this every night. I am a glorified bookseller with no fucking authority. However, I thought it IS my responsibility to bring this complaint to the managers and offer a sort of solution.

However, the managers do not take it upon themselves to ever insure that this ugly task gets done. They are glorified babysitters (that statement is gonna get me in trouble, but fuck it). Anyway, I think the mature thing to do is to go to the person who writes the daily schedule and ask her to assign sweeping like everything else gets assigned (recovery of areas, breaks, etc). She more or less said she did not want to and that people should be responsible adults to deal with the issue among themselves. I said I agreed, and I do! But apparently people can not act like civilized adults and work as a team. Working as a team is another rant for another day, though.

I more or less I thought to myself, well fuck it. I will just be a bitch and go ahead and assign someone to do it every time I work. But then I also thought, why the fuck should I care since we are paying the managers to care?

Long story even longer, once the new daily schedules are posted lo and behold myself and the person who came to me to complain are assigned to vacuum the next few nights. So, is this a fuck you? Just because I asked the manager to assign the task does not mean she has to. Once she explained to me why she didn't want to do it, I agreed with her and told her not to bother. Things were quiet for a few weeks and now she decides to start scheduling? What the fuck got up her ass? She is a lovely person, and is one of the few managers I see actually caring about things and working hard. I am on her side, but why punish me for trying to do my job and fix things?

Oh well, it seems like a small and insignificant thing -- and in a way it is. However, this vacuuming issue represents a larger and much more serious issue with this staff. I officially throw my hands up in the air and say "Fuck this place, fuck the bullshit, I give up." or is it give in? You want me to not care anymore? you got it!

Fuck your links of interest!

Sorry to add the word verification to my comments function. I got sick of the "here are some links of interest to you" bullshit. I hate that some fucking people on the internet have to ruin everything in this world. I thought I could trust people, and maybe even meet some nice new people along the way. I was really wrong.
Thanks for fucking with the one last thing a girl can do for free to express herself. Why didn't you give me a goddamn virus while you were at it?! Fuck you, you know who you are. There are unfortuately a million of you.

STARTING TO GET ANNOYED WITH THE ...

Don't have much to say.

SIGN MY DAMN GUESTBOOK!

OR YOU WILL GET THE EVIL EYE!!



















what the hell, I'm gonna give it you you anyway!

BLAHG!!!!

Is it really a vacation if I don't leave Columbus??

So, my ma and pa are coming into town tomarrow and we are going to have a little mini-vacation together.

The sperm and egg reserved a hotel room (nuthin' fancy) and we are going to go swimming, sit in the air conditioning, and 'prolly get room service. I haven't seen them in about 6 months, so it should be nice.

Of course, we are staying in Delaware....Ohio. So, I am not really going on much of a vacation. However, I don't have to work. I don't have to pay for dinners. And I get to see my folks and maybe my sister.

I'll talk to ya'll in about 3-4 days. Lates!

Don't make me go all mental-patient on your ass!

I opened my e-mail today to find I had 31 messages. About 25 of them were comments from my blog. Apparently I have been spammed. I have never eaten spam, but I guess there is a first time for everything. Anyway, I have all these random comments from "anonymous". I saw there was a teeny-tiny link at the bottom of "anonymous' " comments. Don't click on these links as I do not know where they go, or what might happen. I seem to attract computer problems, so if there is a virus on these -- I will get it.

Anyways, the comments are all nice and really positive so I don't think I will enable the verification function just yet. I am going to keep them up too ... At least someone is posting comments.

Maybe they should have spammed my GUEST BOOK too! No one else seems interested in it (*eyes glancing your way*)

*pout*

Rock on!

So, I have created a little radio station for you thank-less (ie: guest book) bitches.


I found this awesome site that allows you to create a playlist, add it to your player, and then add to your blog (or myspace). The best thing is the price -- it's free ya'll!

Right under my profile is a little player. Just click "select station". Click "Lothian's Lair" and it will begin playing. It is randomly playing songs I chose just for you!

I didn't have too much to choose from, so don't look for any 80's metal yet. I do think you will be surprised as my eclectic taste in tunage. Enjoy!!

I got a million of 'em bitches!!

You know I won't ever stop!

I call it "times"

Here is a little movie I did. It is more fun with the music on, so just click the little icon and it will play. I did it that way because that damn song was starting to annoy me! Enjoy, bitches!

I got crabs.

Crab Fu

Got a guestbook, bitches

Oh yeah, I am SOOO moving up in the cyber-world! I just added a guestbook at the bottom of my blog. Sign it mofo's! It is right under my counter there. See it? Good. Now sign it.

Sign my guestbook please. I really want you to. Hardly anyone leaves me comments, yet I know you read this. I know because once I say something on here, people at work confront me about it. See watch -- purple nipple licker.

I bet I will go to work and someone will ask me "Lothian, are you mental? Where the hell did 'purple nipple licker' come from?" and I will say, "Beats me. Did you sign my guestbook?"

Have you signed it yet? Probably not because you are still purple reading nipple this licker. Sign it!! You don't even have to think before you say something stupid like purple nipple licker, because I say stupid stuff all the time. Just type something, it can be offensive and inappropriate -- those are the best kinds. I don't care what you write as long as it isn't purple nipple licker.

Celebhead: Britney

A day in the life of everyone's favorite mom.

Not all who wander are lost ... except me.

For some reason, I am feeling very introspective and sad today. I would like to share a poem from The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers by J.R.R. Tolkien that keeps scrolling over and over in head.

Somehow it is reflecting my state of mind right now.


Where now the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing?

Where is the helm and the hauberk, and the bright hair flowing?

Where is the hand on the harpstring, and the red fire glowing?

Where is the spring and the harvest and the tall corn growing?

They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow;

The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.

Who shall gather the smoke of the dead wood burning,

Or behold the flowing years from the Sea returning?



I think my "red fire glowing" is going out.

Tell me what you think happened.

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Post #77

I am a sucker for these quizzes.

1. When was the last time you shaved?
Today, after many many days of not shaving.
2. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Green. what is that, lime?
3. Do you enjoy looking at your myspace profile?
It is my guilty pleasure. Reading that and my blog.
4. What does your favorite candle smell like?
Fresia or rain.
5. Are you any good at math?
Hell to the no.
6. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
Sadly, no.
7. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
Gosh, probably college sometime. I am sure I repressed the whole traumatic thing.
8. Who should get number one on People magazines sexiest list?
Colin "Fuck me" Farrell. As for the ladies, I would say Angelina Jolie. She is perfection.
9. What is one of your favorite things to do when it's cold outside?
Snuggle in a cozy, warm sweater.
10. What is one of your favorite things to do when it's hot outside?
Complain and sit in front of the fan/air conditioner.
11. What was the last TV show you watched?
Some crazy documentary on killer jellyfish.
12. Do you have any famous ancestors?
That depends on what they are famous for...
13. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Cracked open a wee bit.
14. Do you have a secret identity?
Of course, and she is a Hobbit.
15. Have you ever sniffed magic markers?
What, like today?
16. What was one of your favorite toys as a child?
I have a family of three bears: mama, papa and baby. I still sleep with them on my bed.
17. Are you good at cooking anything in particular?
I kick dessert's ass!
18. Do you have any injuries right now?
Carpal Tunnel is acting up, and my ... heart ...
19. Do you have a credit card?
Yes, just don't ask if they are maxed or not.
20. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
Unfortunately, yes. And I can't pay it now.
21. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
Every last one of them. Do I know the worlds to the Star Spangled Banner? Not so much.
22. Do you have DSL, cable or dialup?
Isn't DSL and Cable the same thing? I have one of those.
23. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines/voice mail?
Yes, like a rambling idiot.
24. Have you ever wanted to look like someone else?
I still do. Anyone else but me.
25. What's your favorite frozen treat?
Ice Cream, bitches!
26. Are you an organized person?
I thought I had the answer to that question in this file here, but I don't see it now. Maybe in that box over there? Nope. I know it was just here a minute ago, can you lift up that pile of papers over there and see if it is underneath??
27. Do you think you have an OCD about anything?
Yep, but not in a terrible and agonizing disorder way, but in a cute "Monk"-ish way. (you know, the TV show)
28. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to (I said concert you pervs)?
First concert was The Monkees at the Canfield Fair. Followed many years later by New Kids On The Block. Opening act? -- Weird AL!
29. What are your guilty pleasures?
Myspace, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Chocolate, Mr goodvibrations ... oh wait...
30. Are you a fast reader?
No, I analyze too much.
31. Have you ever put "yes please" by sex on something you had to fill out (i.e. job application, standardized test...)?
God, I am such a dork...
32. Have you ever vandalized anything?
Yes. I tend to vandalize/destroy at work. I think I have an issue or five.
33. Are you afraid or bothered by something that others find strange?
I have to wash packaged underwear before I wear them.
34. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Sure.
35. Do you use Twizzlers as straws?
No, I use them to snort my cocaine.
36. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Getting braces on and off. I hate teeth!
37. Can you name all 50 states?
There are fifty?
38. Is there a celebrity that you would like to punch in the face?
Ann Coulter and all the other homophobic, racist, sexist, and hate spewing pieces of shit that pollute our earth in the name of God or the government.
39. Have you ever stepped on something sharp and had it go through your foot?
Yikes, no.
40. Have you ever been stung by a jellyfish?
No, but did you know there are killer jellyfish ... (seeing if you are paying attention)
41. What's one of the dumbest home remedies that you've heard of?
Drawing a blank.
42. Have you ever saved anyone's life?
I don't think so. I couldn't deal with it even if I did -- too much responsibility.
43. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
I like everything that the ocean does except kill people.
44. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?BITCH I bought myself one last year!!!
45. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
No, but would LOVE LOVE LOVE To go. Does that make me a nerd?
46. Do you use a lot of salt?
Only when I want a little popcorn with my salt.
47. Is your closet organized?
What closet? Everything I own is strewn all over the floor.
48. What is a funny sound to you?
Little kids laughing -- it is as contagious as bird flu.
49. Have you ever been complimented on something other than your looks?
Yes... on my writing skills
50. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
Yes. Am I gross?

Here I go again, on my own.

So, I can't post a long note because my carpal tunnel is killing me. I just wanted to say that if you are reading this, then you are probably a friend of mine, and you most likely have noticed I am kind of bitchy lately and just not myself.

Here is why: I am simply unhappy with where my life is now. I have been unhappy for some time now, but I haven't been able to figure out why or how to fix it.

No this isn't a suicide note, you smartasses.

I am just pretty sure that I am going to be moving somewhere new. I haven't made any concrete decisions yet, and I can't fully explain it to you yet. I don't even understand it myself.

I have been wishing for some signs, and if my wrist is feeling better soon I will post all of the signs pointing toward this being a good idea. It is just really really scary to me. Not only am I looking at a change of residence, but also a change in jobs and in lifestyle.

Right now, I am thinking of staying in Ohio. Originally it was Alaska (specifically Dutch Harbor or Juneau) -- yes, really. I can see your eyes rolling right now, but I didn't want to move to Alaska simply because of my obsession with the crab show. I may someday end up there, However, I think it might be an easier transition for me to stay in the state.

I am thinking of looking into a job at Put-in-bay at Lake Erie. During the summer months, you can get a job there and pay room and board to live on the island.


I just need to be near the water ...

Well, I done did it!

I told you bitches I was going to chop my hair off!!

Didn't believe me, did 'ya? Well, here is the proof. Yeah, I did the bangs thing but I need to spend some quality time with them before I wear 'em. Overall, I am pretty happy. I can honestly say that I do not miss the long hair at all! I feel so much more free and cool. Plus, I think the cut is way more flattering. I hope whoever gets my locks will love them!

*sorry about the quality of the photos. I took them with my camera phone because I have a perfectly good digital camera that I have no idea how works.*







Yep, it is cut right under my ears. You can see that the bangs and I have already had our arguement. Oh well, I will at least get lots of use from my haggish collection of barrettes!














Here I am doing my best to rock the bangs and prove to you guys that I really did get some. They look good, but it just feels really weird having something sitting on my forehead.

Here is a shot from the back. Yep, That is my white trash butterfly tattoo under my neck. Before, my hair fell to well below my bra strap, now it barely covers the back of my neck, which is were the butterfly is. Again, sorry for the poor quality of photos.

Feeling hairy.

I am very excited to announce that I will be chopping all (or at least 10 inches of ) my hair off tomorrow at 11am.



I plan on donating the clippings to Locks of Love which is an organization that creates human hair wigs for children with cancer, and presents it to them free of charge. I encourage anyone who is willing to do so, to donate. It is such a wonderful organization.


I will be going to Kenneth's Academy salon training center in Dublin. If anyone wants to join me, feel free to show up and hold my hand.
I am nervous, but very excited. I will be taking pictures as soon as I can and will post the new 'do for everyone to see. Bangs, anyone?


*Extra special thanks to Erica for all the hair idea magazines*

Oh yeah?

I am 50% Asshole/Bitch.

I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em.

Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
@ FualiDotCom

One of these things is not like the other...

Okay Bitches, It's finally time! Yes, I need to cut my hair!! It is all the way down to my ass, I am hot, and I am cranky, so it is gone!

I plan on donating my hair to Locks Of Love, so I will need to chop off at least 10 inches. I went to this awesome site from the UK, and got to try out some new styles for free -- God bless the British. It was a hard choice, but I narrowed it down to three.



Please vote for your favorite:

Happy Birthday, baby.

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY COLIN!!


I HAVE MY PRESENT FOR YOU RIGHT HERE:






IT'S IN MY PANTS.

Hit me baby, one more time!

Oh my... I got my first spankin' over the Madonna post.

"SMACK! Yes that's a hit to your fat head with my Prada purse. Madonna ia THE DIVA and can do NO wrong. Glen Beck is an asshole, a bigot, and Bush lover (in both senses). I am shocked at you girlie! I'll be praising Madonna when I go see her LIVE, cross hanging nymphette that she is. I love you Madonna, I love you too Lothian, although I think you need another smack ! THWACK! "

(I think I kind of liked it. Mommy wants more, hit me harder!! HARDER!! Actually, that's just from Ron at BLAH BLAH BLOG. French Kisses and hugs sweetie, praise away.)

1033

Damn, I can't believe my blog has had 1,033 hits! Thanks so much for the support, you guys rock my world!

I am sorry I have been neglecting ya'll. I have been spending some quality time with my Myspace account. I don't know why, since Myspace is kind of lame. I guess it is just a wee bit more entertaining because I can add music and graphics. Also, I keep finding all these Deadliest Catch folks on there. The appeal of hottie fishermen is ... well ... Understandable I think.

Anyway, I am pissy today so I thought I would:
1) Bash Madonna
2) Love on you guys
3) Make Microwave pizza and buy ice cream since tonight is the season finale of LOST, bitches!

Maybe if I feel up to it after the show is over, I will share why I am so bitter. Well, bitter today anyway. However, I am not so irritated right now. Maybe it is because my favorite Tom Petty song, "Don't come round here no more" is playing on my computer right now. Maybe it is because I amused myself senseless with that Madonna post. Who knows? But the happy Lothian personality is now making an appearance. (she is not nearly as fun...)

Since you are asking, my anger surprisingly has nothing to do with my lazy postman who didn't walk five feet to deliver my Deadliest Catch boxed set TO! MY! DOOR! but instead left a little obnoxious "sorry we missed you, sucker" postcard in the box. How the hell is a girl supposed to go the post when she works 9-5:30? Damn the man!

Anyone willing to wait in line for an hour at the post office for me Thursday? ... ... ... Okay, don't everyone volunteer at once!

pissing off my gays

Alright, I know I am going to piss off my gays here but I am in a crabass mood and I am going to take it all out on Madonna.

Let me say a few things first before you smack me around with your Prada man purses, okay? First of all, Madonna is a legend. Bitch knows what she is doing and does it well -- musically anyway. Secondly, I wore the lace gloves and poofy wedding dress garb back in the 80's because I loved her. Third, I DO IN FACT own a few Madonna Cd's. Last but not least: I support free speech and artistic expression.

Phew! That said, let's get to the Vadge bashing. I am not going to go over all the news buzzing about Madonna's new concert tour because unless you live under a rock, you know what I am talking about.

I was checking out Trent's blog "Pink is the New Blog" -- (I have a link for it if you haven't been there yet,) and I blatantly stole this little piece of news. It is from CNN's Glen Beck who is a Republican Christer, I believe.

I DO NOT SUPPORT GLEN BECK!!!!!

However, this shit is funny:

"Ok the people that went to Madonna's concert in L.A. Spent $380 A Ticket to see this (he shows pic of her hanging on the cross) and let me tell you that's worth every dime that you paid really.
Hey Madonna will you do me a favor, knock off the Christ bashing for 10 minutes will you. She doesn't even offend me anymore I've gone numb to Madonna's antics. What really bugs me is the hypocrisy. Last year she was promoting her horrible children books Madonna said 'we shouldn't let our kids watch TV, Americans have to stop doing that theres too much filth on television'."
"Gee Madonna why would you think there's too much filth on TV? (he plays her videos for like a virgin and American pie) Look at this I'm not even sure but I think I'm getting crabs just from watching this, really in fact if your at home grab some penicillin, swallow it otherwise your gonna be peeing cookie dough tomorrow."
"Do you remember when Madonna made out with Britney spears at the vmas apparently that confused her daughter Lourdes, which is a stupid name, she asked her mom she said "mom are you gay?" Madonna's response in that fake British accent "I am the mummy pop star and she is the baby pop star and I am kissing her to pass my energy on to her."
By energy, Madonna if you mean cold sours then yeah your probably right."
"Madonna's latest antics has everybody shocked, I don't know why really she's a one trick pony, since 1983 same stuff. The only thing that shocks me anymore is when people are who they say they are they don't play games with who they are just to make money."
"Instead of humping a stack of bibles Madonna, maybe you should lose the fake British accent, act your age, spend a little more time with your kids and leave mine alone.
That Madonna would be truly shocking."

Humping a stack of Bibles? Hee hee. I'm sorry ladies and girlies, but her schtick is getting a little old. Especially if Glen Beck can pin it on the head.

The Lourdes comment was not fair or nice -- it is not her fault her "mummy" is lame. Give the poor little girl a break she inherited those damn eyebrows for crissakes.

okay, I am bracing for my bashing now. Bring it on Bitches!

"It's time for the Crab Show. Go ahead and watch the crab show. Crabby, crabby, crab show."

Alright, anyone who knows me at work knows I love the television show Deadliest Catch. So in honor of the show, I got crabs. Okay, not really. But I did find this adorable commercial online. I think it is for the Element car or some shizz, but I just love the gay foreign crab in it. "I like to peeinch"

For shits and giggles, check it out here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Epf1m3TCPcs

Yes, I know I am a vegetarian and should be morally opposed to a show about fishing for crab but I can't help it. I love me some hunky fishermen. Dayum, bitches!

Pimp my ride

Your Pimp Name Is...

Brown Sugar Money

What's" Your Pimp Name?

I need a date...

It is time for the

HELL CITY
TATTOO

Convention!



I need a date. Anyone interested?

Smells like ... spring?

Hmph! Spring has Sprung, Bitches!!!

Play with my...

Feel free to play with my Hedgie while you wait for a new post...

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!!!

You Gotta play this game, it is hilarious!!

I think I am turning Japansese, I really think so.

Here is my name written in Japansese, isn't that awesome? Find out what your name looks like right Here.

Missing you

So, I did a Google image search for "runny nose" and got this guy. I think he has more problems than just a runny nose. I don't think that banana look is healthy.

Anyway, sorry I haven't been around lately. This two job BS had got me beaten down. With all the stress I came down with a killer cold (of course).

Unforts, I don't really have much to talk about. All I have been doing is working, watching TV and sleeping.

Speaking of television I have a new obsession. I can't believe it, but I love this Discovery Channel show called Deadliest Catch. Check it out on Tuesdays at 9pm if you are curious. It is all about crab fishing off the Alaskan coast. It is exciting, but I think what I love about it is all the hot fishermen. Salty and rich, yum!

Other than fantasizing about myself and one of the crab boat Captains in a sexy and dangerous embrace, I have not been up to anything. Boring, Boring.

Happy Easter Ya'll

I have a confession to make

Okay ya'll, I have a confession to make. You know I have been going online at some dating websites trying to find someone. I recently met a guy, and his name is Josh. He is really really nice. I haven't mentioned it because we were just talking and I did not want to jinx it or anything. Plus, I didn't want to get my hopes up.

Anyway, we have been chatting for about 3 months now. He lives in Columbus and we have been dating for about 2 months. I am so happy to have found a really sweet guy. Plus he is super super hot!! When he sent me his photo, I knew he was the one. Check him out HERE .

Jealous, Bitches?