Well, I done did it!

I told you bitches I was going to chop my hair off!!

Didn't believe me, did 'ya? Well, here is the proof. Yeah, I did the bangs thing but I need to spend some quality time with them before I wear 'em. Overall, I am pretty happy. I can honestly say that I do not miss the long hair at all! I feel so much more free and cool. Plus, I think the cut is way more flattering. I hope whoever gets my locks will love them!

*sorry about the quality of the photos. I took them with my camera phone because I have a perfectly good digital camera that I have no idea how works.*







Yep, it is cut right under my ears. You can see that the bangs and I have already had our arguement. Oh well, I will at least get lots of use from my haggish collection of barrettes!














Here I am doing my best to rock the bangs and prove to you guys that I really did get some. They look good, but it just feels really weird having something sitting on my forehead.

Here is a shot from the back. Yep, That is my white trash butterfly tattoo under my neck. Before, my hair fell to well below my bra strap, now it barely covers the back of my neck, which is were the butterfly is. Again, sorry for the poor quality of photos.

Feeling hairy.

I am very excited to announce that I will be chopping all (or at least 10 inches of ) my hair off tomorrow at 11am.



I plan on donating the clippings to Locks of Love which is an organization that creates human hair wigs for children with cancer, and presents it to them free of charge. I encourage anyone who is willing to do so, to donate. It is such a wonderful organization.


I will be going to Kenneth's Academy salon training center in Dublin. If anyone wants to join me, feel free to show up and hold my hand.
I am nervous, but very excited. I will be taking pictures as soon as I can and will post the new 'do for everyone to see. Bangs, anyone?


*Extra special thanks to Erica for all the hair idea magazines*

Oh yeah?

I am 50% Asshole/Bitch.

I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em.

Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
@ FualiDotCom

One of these things is not like the other...

Okay Bitches, It's finally time! Yes, I need to cut my hair!! It is all the way down to my ass, I am hot, and I am cranky, so it is gone!

I plan on donating my hair to Locks Of Love, so I will need to chop off at least 10 inches. I went to this awesome site from the UK, and got to try out some new styles for free -- God bless the British. It was a hard choice, but I narrowed it down to three.



Please vote for your favorite:

Happy Birthday, baby.

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY COLIN!!


I HAVE MY PRESENT FOR YOU RIGHT HERE:






IT'S IN MY PANTS.

Hit me baby, one more time!

Oh my... I got my first spankin' over the Madonna post.

"SMACK! Yes that's a hit to your fat head with my Prada purse. Madonna ia THE DIVA and can do NO wrong. Glen Beck is an asshole, a bigot, and Bush lover (in both senses). I am shocked at you girlie! I'll be praising Madonna when I go see her LIVE, cross hanging nymphette that she is. I love you Madonna, I love you too Lothian, although I think you need another smack ! THWACK! "

(I think I kind of liked it. Mommy wants more, hit me harder!! HARDER!! Actually, that's just from Ron at BLAH BLAH BLOG. French Kisses and hugs sweetie, praise away.)

1033

Damn, I can't believe my blog has had 1,033 hits! Thanks so much for the support, you guys rock my world!

I am sorry I have been neglecting ya'll. I have been spending some quality time with my Myspace account. I don't know why, since Myspace is kind of lame. I guess it is just a wee bit more entertaining because I can add music and graphics. Also, I keep finding all these Deadliest Catch folks on there. The appeal of hottie fishermen is ... well ... Understandable I think.

Anyway, I am pissy today so I thought I would:
1) Bash Madonna
2) Love on you guys
3) Make Microwave pizza and buy ice cream since tonight is the season finale of LOST, bitches!

Maybe if I feel up to it after the show is over, I will share why I am so bitter. Well, bitter today anyway. However, I am not so irritated right now. Maybe it is because my favorite Tom Petty song, "Don't come round here no more" is playing on my computer right now. Maybe it is because I amused myself senseless with that Madonna post. Who knows? But the happy Lothian personality is now making an appearance. (she is not nearly as fun...)

Since you are asking, my anger surprisingly has nothing to do with my lazy postman who didn't walk five feet to deliver my Deadliest Catch boxed set TO! MY! DOOR! but instead left a little obnoxious "sorry we missed you, sucker" postcard in the box. How the hell is a girl supposed to go the post when she works 9-5:30? Damn the man!

Anyone willing to wait in line for an hour at the post office for me Thursday? ... ... ... Okay, don't everyone volunteer at once!

pissing off my gays

Alright, I know I am going to piss off my gays here but I am in a crabass mood and I am going to take it all out on Madonna.

Let me say a few things first before you smack me around with your Prada man purses, okay? First of all, Madonna is a legend. Bitch knows what she is doing and does it well -- musically anyway. Secondly, I wore the lace gloves and poofy wedding dress garb back in the 80's because I loved her. Third, I DO IN FACT own a few Madonna Cd's. Last but not least: I support free speech and artistic expression.

Phew! That said, let's get to the Vadge bashing. I am not going to go over all the news buzzing about Madonna's new concert tour because unless you live under a rock, you know what I am talking about.

I was checking out Trent's blog "Pink is the New Blog" -- (I have a link for it if you haven't been there yet,) and I blatantly stole this little piece of news. It is from CNN's Glen Beck who is a Republican Christer, I believe.

I DO NOT SUPPORT GLEN BECK!!!!!

However, this shit is funny:

"Ok the people that went to Madonna's concert in L.A. Spent $380 A Ticket to see this (he shows pic of her hanging on the cross) and let me tell you that's worth every dime that you paid really.
Hey Madonna will you do me a favor, knock off the Christ bashing for 10 minutes will you. She doesn't even offend me anymore I've gone numb to Madonna's antics. What really bugs me is the hypocrisy. Last year she was promoting her horrible children books Madonna said 'we shouldn't let our kids watch TV, Americans have to stop doing that theres too much filth on television'."
"Gee Madonna why would you think there's too much filth on TV? (he plays her videos for like a virgin and American pie) Look at this I'm not even sure but I think I'm getting crabs just from watching this, really in fact if your at home grab some penicillin, swallow it otherwise your gonna be peeing cookie dough tomorrow."
"Do you remember when Madonna made out with Britney spears at the vmas apparently that confused her daughter Lourdes, which is a stupid name, she asked her mom she said "mom are you gay?" Madonna's response in that fake British accent "I am the mummy pop star and she is the baby pop star and I am kissing her to pass my energy on to her."
By energy, Madonna if you mean cold sours then yeah your probably right."
"Madonna's latest antics has everybody shocked, I don't know why really she's a one trick pony, since 1983 same stuff. The only thing that shocks me anymore is when people are who they say they are they don't play games with who they are just to make money."
"Instead of humping a stack of bibles Madonna, maybe you should lose the fake British accent, act your age, spend a little more time with your kids and leave mine alone.
That Madonna would be truly shocking."

Humping a stack of Bibles? Hee hee. I'm sorry ladies and girlies, but her schtick is getting a little old. Especially if Glen Beck can pin it on the head.

The Lourdes comment was not fair or nice -- it is not her fault her "mummy" is lame. Give the poor little girl a break she inherited those damn eyebrows for crissakes.

okay, I am bracing for my bashing now. Bring it on Bitches!

"It's time for the Crab Show. Go ahead and watch the crab show. Crabby, crabby, crab show."

Alright, anyone who knows me at work knows I love the television show Deadliest Catch. So in honor of the show, I got crabs. Okay, not really. But I did find this adorable commercial online. I think it is for the Element car or some shizz, but I just love the gay foreign crab in it. "I like to peeinch"

For shits and giggles, check it out here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Epf1m3TCPcs

Yes, I know I am a vegetarian and should be morally opposed to a show about fishing for crab but I can't help it. I love me some hunky fishermen. Dayum, bitches!

Pimp my ride

Your Pimp Name Is...

Brown Sugar Money

What's" Your Pimp Name?

I need a date...

It is time for the

HELL CITY
TATTOO

Convention!



I need a date. Anyone interested?

Smells like ... spring?

Hmph! Spring has Sprung, Bitches!!!

Play with my...

Feel free to play with my Hedgie while you wait for a new post...

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!!!

You Gotta play this game, it is hilarious!!

I think I am turning Japansese, I really think so.

Here is my name written in Japansese, isn't that awesome? Find out what your name looks like right Here.

Missing you

So, I did a Google image search for "runny nose" and got this guy. I think he has more problems than just a runny nose. I don't think that banana look is healthy.

Anyway, sorry I haven't been around lately. This two job BS had got me beaten down. With all the stress I came down with a killer cold (of course).

Unforts, I don't really have much to talk about. All I have been doing is working, watching TV and sleeping.

Speaking of television I have a new obsession. I can't believe it, but I love this Discovery Channel show called Deadliest Catch. Check it out on Tuesdays at 9pm if you are curious. It is all about crab fishing off the Alaskan coast. It is exciting, but I think what I love about it is all the hot fishermen. Salty and rich, yum!

Other than fantasizing about myself and one of the crab boat Captains in a sexy and dangerous embrace, I have not been up to anything. Boring, Boring.

Happy Easter Ya'll

I have a confession to make

Okay ya'll, I have a confession to make. You know I have been going online at some dating websites trying to find someone. I recently met a guy, and his name is Josh. He is really really nice. I haven't mentioned it because we were just talking and I did not want to jinx it or anything. Plus, I didn't want to get my hopes up.

Anyway, we have been chatting for about 3 months now. He lives in Columbus and we have been dating for about 2 months. I am so happy to have found a really sweet guy. Plus he is super super hot!! When he sent me his photo, I knew he was the one. Check him out HERE .

Jealous, Bitches?

Someone hurt me today.

It hurt my heart. Sorry, no post.

Damn, whatever happened to customer service?

I am aghast!! I thought I was the queen bitch of customer service ...


(From Me) Hello,

I am the blog contest winner and I think I may have entered my order in wrong. It appears to be charging me the whole amount. What gives?

S-

(From Them) S-,

We thought we told you in the email we sent that the amount comes off the total when we download the order. We apologize if you did not get that msg.

Archie

so much to say, so much to say

Hey ya'll. I know I haven't been posting lately, but I really haven't had much to talk about. Well, when it rains it f*cking pours apparently. Cuz I finally have some blog worthy junk.

First of all, I have been recovering from having a tooth pulled. I knew the dentist was going to do it, but I guess I repressed just how damn much that shizz hurts! For whatever reason, the very last tooth on each side of my upper jaw have been no good. The one on the left side broke and I had it pulled a few years back, then this one broke and rotted so I had to yank it too. Eww! I really do take care of my chompers (I promise!!), but for some reason I inherited bad teeth from my dad.

Secondly, I quit my job delivering papers. Here is the funny thing with that: I could have kept it. Basically, for the next three weeks my full-time job schedule was going to prevent me from being able to deliver the papers. After that, I would have been able to do it but I figured why spend my (half) day off working? So, I thought I would just quit and not have to worry about trying to get the route delivered these next three weeks.

Yeah, that didn't go as planned. Apparently when I signed the contract for the paper route, I agreed to give them a month notice of my departure. Damn. This particular project I will be working on part-time is also a month long. So now I have to do the papers (plus full-time job, plus part-time) until my month notice is over, which will also be when this project is over. So, once I CAN deliver the papers I won't have to anymore. F*cking Figures.

Thirdly, you may have been questioning why I put an Archie McPhee link in this post. Well, a while ago I entered my blog in a contest the online store was having. Basically you had to give them a shout out in your blog (or link to them), and then they would pick a winner. I did both, Lo and Behold, I WON THE CONTEST!! I won a $100 shopping spree! Hot damn! I was so excited that I sat down tonight and put in my order. Of course I screwed it up, and now I may be charged $103.92. ...AND... Of course I tried to enter the order again to see if I could fix the problem.

Why don't I learn? I had already 'effed it up the first time, why in the hell would I try it again? I guess I wanted to be charged $103.92 twice! So, now I have to call the customer service in the morning and basically introduce myself as "dumbass contest winner Lothian" and plead for them to fix my mess. Geez!

So, yeah. For some of you the gears and levers in your head started to creak and moan into action when I mentioned that I did my Archie Mcphee shopping tonight. Many of you probably cocked your heads confuseididly (yeah, I made that last word up. So what? It's my blog! bitches.) and cried aloud "Why Lothian, didn't you start your new part-time job tonight at 5pm? What happened?"

Right you are my sharp witted pals! I was supposed to start my new part-time job tonight. But let's see here, this is Lothian's world...therefore things have to be 'effed up. I mean, I was so freaking prepared for this job it wasn't even funny! I slept all day Sunday so that I would be nice and rested for the big day. I quit the paper route, I left early from my full-time job ... hell, I even packed two lunches!

I get there and apparently on Friday afternoon the building had some sort of emergency plumbing problem. I don't know exactly what happened -- things were exploding and the shit had hit the fan (no pun intended). I don't know, all I know is that they cancelled the training for us tonight. Apparently everything is good to go for tomorrow and should be back to normal, but we only got paid for an hour today (for driving there and back). Of course these things only happen to me!

So I stopped at Taco Hell and got a burrito, sat down and wrote out this mini novel to you fine folks. I am sorry to say that blogging will be at a bare minimum from here on out (as long as no more plumbing issues arise) since I will be working about 12-13 hours a day M-F. So send me good thoughts, and I will try to post Wednesday and let ya'll know how the training is going and if I am surviving. Peace out.

Being lazy

Yeah, I haven't posted in a while and for that I apologize. I will try my best to write to ya'll either tomorrow or Wednesday. Until then, enjoy this link I recently found. I peed a little when I saw it.

The press release from Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of Southpark in regards to Tom Cruise trying to ruin all that is hilarious.


Also check out this awesome skit from SNL: Geek Phone Sex

just put on a happy face ...

Wow! Things are starting to look up for me again. You were right Kim! Anyway, I just want to thank everyone for sending me all that positive energy. People talk about the power of prayer, it must really work.

<-- I don't feel like that photo anymore. I found out that I will be getting a decent income tax check in a month or so, which I can apply to some of my debt. I also just found out today that I will be able to work the night shifts at that job I was telling everyone about. That means if my "real job" allows it, I will work from 8-4:30 there and then 5-10:15 at this other place. I really think/hope I can handle the hours.

The chick on the phone said that the first assignment will run until the end of April or so. That means (if my calculations are correct -- ya'll know math ain't ma' thing) I will bank around 120 hours, at $11.20/hr. So, after taxes I am looking at around $1300 or $1250. Then I will have a few weeks off until the next assignment. I am thinking of continuing to deliver the paper since I will have time where I won't have any extra money coming in.

I am feeling pretty good about the whole shebang. Hopefully I won't go into work tomorrow and have them tell me they refuse to work around my new availability...

Oh!! I have to tell you this embarrassing story! So, I have been noticing that one of my teeth/gum areas have been hurting. If you read my blog you will remember all the drama and dollar signs I had with one of my molars, and THAT was the tooth area that was hurting.

So, I am brushing my teeth the other night and I decide to get a flashlight and start exploring around in my chasm. I mean my mouth, you sick bastards! Anyway, Lo and behold my gums are turning black right around the tooth that I had my crown put on! I freak the fuck out and call my dentist. They agree to see me the next day. So I go in, spread my lips ... My Mouth Lips, you Horn Dogs! ... and the doc peers inside.

He is silent for a minute, and then clears his throat. I prepare myself for the inevitable bad news. "Um Lothian" he says, "all you are seeing is the bottom of your crown, which is METAL. The pain is probably just something stuck under your gum. If you flossed more than once a year you wouldn't have that problem. Your tooth is fine and so is your gum. You dumbass." Okay, maybe I added the dumbass part. But basically the inside of my crown is metal and was showing through making things appear blackened. My gum wasn't dying and about to fall off. And I didn't have mouth cancer. I just had a bad case of dumbassitis.

Blah Bletch Blog

Happy Birthday Bitch.

My space

not much to say, so I am working on setting up a myspace. Why? I haven't a clue. I think I am just excited to be able to have a song play while you check out the site. Man! I wish blogger did that shizz!

Check out My Space right herr.

Chi-Ompaloompa

These guys should take care of the last few depressing posts I left for you. Kind of old photos, but so damn cute anyway.

Chi-turkey

I worried that I may have depressed ya'll too much. So here is Mr. ChiTurkey. He always makes me smile.

Having a breakdown

Um, you can read this if you want or don't. I am just having a minor breakdown at the moment and I thought maybe writing it out would help. Of course taking my medication would probably help too damn it!

So, I didn't sleep for shit last night. I think I have just gotten myself on a weird sleep schedule where I don't go to bed until 3am and then sleep until 3 in the afternoon. I close tonight at work, so I am delivering my papers early this morning. Other than tossing and turning all night, everything was fine until about 8:50 when my phone rings and caller ID shows it is from "unavailable". That only means one person -- creditors. I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't get it out of my head and ended up in tears. I am up to my asshole in debt.

I know many if not all of you are in the same boat, but I don't think I can handle it anymore. I can't even pay my $250 minimum payment on my Mastercard bill. I couple of years ago, I took out money from the bank to pay my bills and look where I am again ... I already told you guys I worry about EVERYTHING and this is no exception.

I had to have my father co-sign or co-apply for my bank loan otherwise they would not have given it to me. I don't want to fuck with his credit!! I don't live extravagantly, so I can't even think of what to cut out of my life to help with the problem. I have been dragging my feet changing cable companies, but that would only save me about $20 bucks a week. I am afraid this other job I am getting is not going to work out either. I just worry about scheduling!! Before I worried about being exhausted, but fuck that now. I can't take it anymore.

What I have looming over my head is becoming more and more of a possibility. Moving back home. Home is a very small town in Youngstown Ohio. Right now I am in Columbus. My mother would be so fucking excited if I moved back. She has been trying to convince me to do it for years. If I moved back in with my folks I would save money on rent. I work one of those jobs where transferring is not too big of a deal -- there is a store in Ytown too.

I have the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other kind of thing going here. On one hand, I guess I think moving back home would be a solve all solution. It most likely would help, but not solve everything. I DO miss my family, but they also drive me crazy.

On the other hand, moving back home would make me even more depressed than I already am. I would feel like and absolute failure. Also, I love living by myself and living at home would just ... be ... awful. I need my own space. My own television. My own computer. My own hours of operation. The only good thing it would do would motivate me to get the hell out.

Then the godforsaken devil (or angel) pipes in and says "if you move back home, you will save money, and you could go back to school for a masters at Youngstown State University ... " which would not only keep me there longer, but put me back in debt again.

I would also miss all of you. I have friends here. I am terrible about keeping in touch with people and I just know if I move away, I will lose those friendships eventually. I will miss going to the grocery store at 2am if I want to, I will miss you guys.

Here I go again with the tears... I don't see any other option. Even if I get a second job the money won't be coming in anytime soon and I need to solve this soon. I think I am just not good at life. I am not talking suicide here, but sometimes I just want to disappear. I don't want to exist anymore. When I look back at my life, all I see is someone taking up space in this world. I read about people who travel the world, and study things and I think that that is what life is all about. Not this shit I am living now. And I will never have that, so why bother anymore? My life was ruined years ago, I just just pack up and leave this life. But I don't. I plow on, living and breathing and feeling like all I am doing is waiting to die.

Yeah, okay. This post is making me more depressed than when I started it. Um, thanks for reading if you did. I don't blame you if you didn't. I thought I could write it out and be done with it, but not today.

If you have any opinions on what you think I should do regarding moving home leave me a comment, email me at my personal email, or contact me through my email posted here. I would love a fresh perspective on the whole mess. Maybe publishing this post will help me see things more clearly, and when I am not so upset I can read it and possibly gain insight. Thanks for reading, I am going to go vomit and cry right now.

WTF???

AWWWW!!! WHAT THE HELL??!!!!

Chloe won Project Runway? Give me a fucking break! Her models looked like a bunch of sick bridesmaids walking down the runway. It is like a prom dress and an 1980's haircut got together and gave birth to her collection. Dayum!

Santino's collection was the nicest, but not very inspiring. And although I heart Daniel V, his collection was kind of boring too. I just wasn't impressed with anybody's collection.

Did ya'll see the online polls they were doing during the show? Did ya'll see how NICK got 80% of the vote as to who should have made it to the top three. Yeah, who do you think helped out with that number, Hmm? I think I voted around 30-35 times. Hee Hee. I don't even care about winning a damn IPod, I just wanted to vote for Nick.

Oh my god my Bitches, I found the most awesome things online the other day. Nick has his own BLOG. Also, his clothing line has a WEBSITE too. I was in hag heaven!! You should totally check it out. I love his clothes.

Ta'!

It's my blog and I'll post when I want to, post when I want to!

Yeah Yeah, I know. It has been forever since I posted. I have been trying to post Before and After pictures of myself from my b-day party, but it isn't working. Many of the pics I am trying to post are not being accepted. Blogger is being a little bitch. Thus, I get pissed off and give up. I think I could really use drugs right about now, MMMKAY??!!

I have been in a really weird funk lately. Sort of depressed, sort of tired, and sort of just worn out. Sometimes I worry I am a little bipolar, somedays I am in a really good mood and others I am so angry/annoyed with life, it frightens me and depresses me. I never used to be this bitter, I used to be the life of the party. The one making everyone laugh, and always doing silly things. Always in a good mood.

Maybe I just have a lot on my mind lately. First of all, a friend of mine is dealing with a possible death in her family, so she is constantly in my thoughts. I tend to be so sensitive to other people that their struggles become mine to a certain (but lesser) extent. I worry about everything -- from making rent, to hurricane Katrina survivors.

Secondly, my upstairs neighbor is driving me homicidal!! Well, not really that bad, but he is annoying the hell out of me. I can't sleep one whole night long without being awoken 5-6 times by his stomping around.

Third, I got that job I was telling ya'll about. However, I won't be able to do it full time which has me bummed. They have two possible shifts, one is 8-5pm and the other is 5-10pm. The first is 40 hours and the latter is only 30. The only way I can work it out is to work at my "real" job from 8-430, then go to this other place from 5-10. I would be exhausted, but be banking money -- which is what I really need, not sleep. The problem is that they are not getting back to me in regards to my shifts. I think that they were unhappy to hear I was going to need to do the evening work. I guess I am just stressing out about how I am going to schedule everything, and I just know that they are going to tell me last minute and I am going to have to beg my "real" job to change my schedule. Whatevs'.

The only somewhat good thing going right now, is also not going so well. The whole online dating thing. First of all, I really feel like a hot bitch!! Every couple of days I get 1 or 2 replies to my post! It has made my self esteem rise, but since I am not a paying member I can not contact these men. WTF? I mean, none of them are paying members either! Why are we even on this stupid site then? I am still debating if I want to save the money and pay the member fee or not. Thank God I don't have to make life or death decisions, since I am having such a hard time deciding how much I am willing to pay to get laid!

I really want to save up my money and buy this here or maybe this here . Two more days and my Nick affair will have to end. I am pathetic crushing on a gay boy.

Sorry this was such a long post, and not very funny. I didn't want to ignore my blog, but I haven't been feeling very funny lately. So I thought depressing you is better than ignoring you. Hee Hee. Hopefully I get back into the swing of things again, don't give up on the blog yet!

PS -- I have been thinking of writing short stories again. I used to do that a lot in High School, but sort of lost the time and desire during college. I am feeling creative again, so if anything I write is any good I will include it here for ya'll to read. Auf Wiedersen!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Holy shizz bitches!! I have had three replies to my online dating ad. Two were from really cute boys. My only problem is that I am too cheap to pay to join, so I can't e-mail these guys.

I am working on a way around it. I feel like a sexy beast baby, yeah.

LOST, Project Runway, and Project Jay are all on tonight so no exciting post yet. Hopefully tomorrow I will get off my fat ass and write a proper post to ya'll.
lates.

Yep. That pretty much says it all...

You've got to hear the WHOLE THING, it REALLY DID take me five mintues to hang up the phone!

Take one down, pass it around, 100 bottles of beer in my gut!

BIG SURLY BIRTHDAY
BASH!


WHERE: Surly Girl Saloon

WHEN: Wednesday Feb 22nd 9pm-last call

WHY: Lothian's 28th Birthday (Feb 23rd)


** please show up if you can, but if not I understand ... I'll only hold it against you until next year ; ) **

Here is a link to the Surly Girl Saloon website with all the info you will need:

http://www.surlygirlsaloon.com/index.php

"My butt is not safe here."

Hee Hee. Have you seen THIS yet? It is probably the best Brokeback Mountain parody I have seen in a while.

Why isn't Chris Farley dancing anymore?

The day is coming soon! The big 2-8!

My birthday is coming Feb 23rd, so here are some suggestions for gifts. Actually I just wanted to use this graphic and let you guys know about an AWESOME shopping site.

It is called Archie McPhee. HERE is where you can get sweet stuff like the librarian action figure.

So shop away, I think THIS or THIS are really appropriate for me. Wink wink, nudge nudge...just kidding.

Too unwell to post.

I never thought I would be too sick to bitch, but apparently I am. God, I feel like I am having contractions and am about to give birth to a vomit baby. Okay that was just nasty.

Anyway, I found this online and wanted to share it. Bravotv.com put up a special Nick Verros interview on their Project Runway site. It is 6 minutes of heaven, damn why are all the good ones gay? He is so cute.

Check him out HERE (if I typed the address correctly).

I left my panties in El Segundo.

Yeah, so I think I am coming down with the plague that everyone has/had at work. It sucks, so I am just going to give you a quickie and take a nap before I head off to hell ... I mean work.

I have a job interview next Wednesday for Measurement Inc. That is the place I was telling you about where you basically grade student essay exams. It could be too good to be true, or it could be just what I am looking for, who knows.

All I know is that I am a TERRIBLE interview! I do the same thing during interviews that I do at parties where I don't know anyone. I feel all good and confident and witty while getting ready for the thing, then I just freeze and don't know what to say, and nothing comes out right! Ugh! I guess I better start reading those books out there on how to give a good interview, since I really want to get out of retail for a while. I'm not holding my breath though.

If anyone has any advice for me please let me know. You can e-mail me directly, or leave a comment and that will be e-mailed to me automatically. I need all the help I can get. Cheers!

Grab ahold of something sweet this Valentines Day!

*Yes, that really is Barry Manilow (shutters)*

The award goes to:

YOU WHACK:

The Award goes to: hormones. Mine have been so crazy lately I feel like I am going to boil the family rabbit any minute!

And nothing beats having to pluck or wax facial hair. I love plucking my Billy goat beard every other day! Why, I wish my moustache would just grow to meet my chin hair. Then I could have a full on goatee to deal with! Hell, add some sideburns while you are at it -- mother plucker.

The random nipple hairs rock too!





SHOUT OUT AWARD:

The Award goes to: the lady I talked to on the phone from the Worthington Library. She was so nice and helpful. I wish I could be more like her. Damn, why am I such a c*nt to the customers when they call?

Oh, yeah...we wouldn't want hell to freeze over now would we?

Oh, sugarbooger.

wow, can ya'll believe it? I actually had a response to my post in the large and lovely website! He seems nice, but is not my physical type. I suppose I will chat with him anyway.

No, that is not him. But he is my new Mascot for the online dating updates. Whenever you see Steve-o, it means someone actually responded to my ad.






Wow Ron, looks like Jake G. is now playing for your team. Have fun with him!

thanks to dlisted for letting me snatch the photo!

It's Sunday, but my panties say Friday.

I forgot to tell ya'll that a few days ago, I got to dress up as a children's book character for work. Usually when the costumes come in they are made for average sized people so I can never wear them, but luckily "Miffy" is an obscenely huge rabbit-like ... thing. Gosh, I had so much fun in that costume. Aside from the little girl who screamed bloody murder when I came out, I think the kids liked it.


Here I am pre-costume with just the legs on. Personally I think these look like the newest style of UGG boots. They went all the way up to my knees!

I wanted to wear them all day and see who would notice they were actually from a costume and not the latest fashion!








Here I am posing in our receiving room with a co-worker. No, she doesn't normally have black bars across her face, but I didn't ask her if she wanted to be on the site, so I am poorly preserving her anonymity.

I had to bend over and scoot out the doorway because my ears did n't make clearance. How fun!

Dear Goddess, What have I gotten myself into?

Okay ya'll. I don't quite know what I have gotten myself into here. I created a profile and posted it to a website called large and lovely. It caters to the BBW crowd. Big Beautiful Women to those not in the know.

I checked it out and found a lot of cute boys so I thought I would give it a go. It is better than a place like Match.com or something where all the men are expecting to meet a Halle Berry look-a-like online. It is kind of a neat site because you can create a profile and then post it to any number of personalized personals. You know, places like: I love to smoke, do you (and what kind of smoking); My dog has taken the place of my need to have a child; I am a raging alcoholic posing as wine connoiseur; I play sports but am in denial about being a dyke; I love fatties; and so on.

I think it might be fun. I mean, as the Beastie Boys once sampled, "It's like the Lotto, you got to be in it, to win it". Such poetry. You know I will keep you bitches informed, and supply all the juicy details right here. (If there are any -- I may end up keeping a runny tally of how many people looked at my profile and ran screaming away.)


Here is the site (see if you can find me):

I'm a naughty naughty girl.

Yeah, I know. I haven't been posting. I suck, please forgive me. I never thought people would regularly read my blog. When I got that counter thing that you see at the bottom of the page, I didn't think it would ever get past 10 hits let alone 200!

I appreciate everyone reading and sharing this blog. It is really loads of fun to do. I try to post every day and I achieve it about as much as I achieve exercising every day.

Anyways, depression has had me down lately but I think I am getting out of my funk now. I am having money issues -- you'd think I would be making big bucks exotic dancing at the Hot and Heavy Whorehouse downtown, but alas I don't.

I had to borrow money from my folks to buy groceries. I was eating Ramen Noodles for lunch and dinner. It wasn't like I was wasting away to skin and bones, but it sucks not having any sort of variety in your diet aside from Beef and Oriental flavor.

To cut back on expenses I am switching from Time Warner Cable to Wide Open West (WOW). I will be saving about $20 bucks a month. I am just putting it off because I don't know what to cancel first and what to start first. Damn that sounds really pathetic. I am such a lazy bastard.

On the brighter side, I am applying for a different job. This one is with a company called Measure Inc. Basically you grade school papers, essay exams, and regular exams all day. I would be making more money than I am now, and I won't be in customer service anymore. It might even feel like I am actually using my degree for something. I will keep you posted on how it goes.

Auf Widersen!

and for my next disappearing act...

*you will have to click on the pic to get the full effect I was going for*

Yeah, so I am sorry I haven't posted in a while. I tend to do this. I sort of drop off the face of the earth for a while when I get depressed.

I have had money worries, which we all have I think. I also am becoming one of those people who dread their upcoming birthdays. My birthday is Feb 23rd and I will be 28 years old.

I remember thinking how old 28 is, and how I would have a fab job with a husband and a child or two by the time I reached that age. But now I still feel like a kid. I can't believe I am this old. It doesn't seem like anything has changed and yet everything has changed.

I just want things to be back to the way they were before when all I had to worry about was what to do with my summer vacation. I know you know what I mean.

I'm feeling verklempt!

Oh dear lord. Did ya'll see Project Runway Wednesday? Those bitches had the nerve to vote my number one GILF Nick off the show.

I kid you not, when she Auf Widersen'ed him I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I think you could have heard me all the way down the street!

Those bitches! They keep Santino? Mr. "I'm losing my hair, so I am just going to grow it long and make it look like it is just sliding off my head" Santino? Mr. "I have to cover this horse face of mine with a pube looking beard" Santino? I swear to God Heidi Klum, if I see you on the street I am going to KICK. YOUR. ASS!

Oh, I shed a tear for dear Nick. My only hope now is that Daniel wins, so that at least Santino will look like the jackass that he is. Damn you Project Runway and your addicting show!

Amendments aren't' just for constitutionals

After much deliberation with my store manager Diane (yeah us hags hang together) I have decided to amend my GILF's list and add a new gilf -- Anderson Cooper. Yum. Smart, sassy and lovely eyes. He can mole me anytime.

gone for a while and coming back in a bitch storm!

Why is it that those of us who are desperate to have children, those of us who would treat our children like the precious things that they are, can not have kids? Yet trash like this can?

I don't believe a word of her statement that she was running from the paprazzi. If she was, she would be in the passenger seat with her child, not driving. Her body guard would have jumped into the car and drove off.

She would have looked frightened, maybe even crying. The baby would have sensed her fear and had been crying too. No, the white trash bitch simply made a really really bad decision.

She didn't want her photo taken? Live with it or Don't be a pop star! Quite frankly, pictures of Sean Preston's bloody dead body laying lifeless on the hood of her car will make SOOO much more money for the tabloids.

Do I sound like an Alien on speed in this post or what?!