Monday, October 29, 2007

To the left, to the left. Oops! I mean your other left.

Hey Bitches! I just wanted you to know that I took some time to painstakingly update my links. Some sites I don't visit anymore and there are more that I needed to add because I just can't live without them. So, if you have a free minute, check them out and let them know that Lothian sent you.

By the way, what the fuck is up with Google Images? I typed in "updated links" and I got a Che Gue-gnome-vara!

Friends don't let friends text message while drunk or coked up on cold medicine.


So, this weekend was the annual Halloween party thrown by some friends of mine. Did I have a good time? No. Why? Because I was stuck home with the fucking plague or whatever I have. While my friends were getting dressed up and drunk, I was stuck at home getting coked up on cold medicine and admiring my snot.

At 11:38 pm the fun really started (for me anyways). I started getting text messages from my friends at the party. One of my gays dressed up like Ugly Betty and one of my straight girlfriends was a pregnant cheerleader. The following conversation via text message transpired. You will probably be confused (but I will try to clarify anything in purple). And you will probably be offended ... oh well.

Enjoy!


11:38 (pregnant cheerleader) - Hey how r u feeling? I'm drunk! Miss you!

11:40 (Lothian) - Shitty. Wish I was drunk with you.


11:46 (P.C.) - Ron {Ugly Betty} met Dirty Sanchez!

11:48 (Lothian) - Yuck! Now I am glad I didn't go.


11:49 (P.C.) - Betty says ur a bitch!

11:51 (Lothian) - Tell Betty to suck my dick. Wait, she may like that...


11:58 (P.C.) - How bout his beaver?

12:00 (Lothian) - Cooter is totally fine as long as it is shaved like britneys!


12:01 (P.C.) - U mean as long as its shavd like urs. {I was supposed to go dressed as brit}

12:03 (Lothian) - I have decided 2 let it grow long. The crabs need a place to live! Plus, I like braiding it.


12:05 (P.C.) - My water just broke!

12:07 (Lothian) - Well, go push it out on the toilet & hide it in a dumpster! You got partying to do!


(Ugly Betty sends me a video)


12:26 (Lothian) - I told you! No pix of your penis. only your vajay-jay!
{pregnant cheerleader once dated a boy who got really drunk and kept texting her pictures of his penis - to her horror.}

12:27 (Ugly Betty) - That was my vajina bitch! {yes, the gays can't spell vagina}

12:28 (Lothian) - Sorry. It's been a while since I have seen one so purty!


12:30 (U.B.) - I thought you saw {pregnant cheerleader's} last nite?

12:32 (Lothian) - I couldn't see much -- too much fur. Just how I like it!


12:33 (U.B.) - GROSS. I'm gonna have nightmares.

12:36 (Lothian) - Homosexuality is beautiful & natural! You should really try it some time.


12:37 (U.B.) - I'm a Republican. We don't do that! Sinner!

12:38 (Lothian) - Fornicator hater!


Thank goodness for modern technology! What did we ever do without it?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Caught In The Act

I am posting this for no good reason. It just made me giggle.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

ROCK LOBSTER






Yeah, I had a GREAT time at the Renaissance Faire!

Was it supposed to be hot today?


No, really. I don't need any sunscreen, thanks.




Tuesday, October 02, 2007

So fucking adorable!


I have so much to update ya'll on, but I just don't have time. However, I HAD TO send along this e-mail. My parents just recently got internet service on their computer for the first time ever. The whole e-mail, internet, computer stuff is pretty new to them. They are doing really well at it and totally making an effort to learn, which makes me very proud.

Anyway, I just had to show you the adorable e-mail I just got from my Daddy. I couldn't figure out a way to screen shot it, so I just copied and pasted and included it at the bottom of this post. Isn't that the most fucking PRECIOUS thing you have ever read??!!

I am a wreck tonight! First Ron tells me to remember that everyone loves me, and then I open my e-mail and see this little note. I tell you, I am seriously in tears from the love and sweetness of it all. Stephanie, I need to borrow some damn insulin.

My parents are so cute. Welcome to the internet superhighway daddy. I love you and miss you.

(p.s.- I didn't have to go to court, I only had a speeding ticket to which I had to show proof of insurance since I didn't have it at the time of issue.)


He wrote:

"Going to send you and e mail spelling may not be right wood like to know how court went
phone does not work jen is havening house trouble will work it out trying sell it on her befour her leese is out love your dad."





Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Overwhelmed!


So, the new job is going really well. I didn't post yesterday because I needed a copy of my birth certificate by this morning, so I had to drive about 1 hour 45 minutes to Lodi, Ohio (Wooster) to pick it up from my folks who also drove 1 hour 45 minutes to meet me there. Needless to say, I was exhausted.

I still haven't gotten enough sleep, so I am not going to post all the boring details of training just yet. My brain is filled to capacity and I am feeling quite overwhelmed. I think I am at that point where I start worrying if I can really do the job or not. Did I make the right decision? I know I just need to plow through those feelings and stick it out. It will get better. I will update you more as I recover and get more time to blog.

I haven't gotten many ideas or opinions on the friendship tattoo yet! I am chomping at the bit to get it done, so please participate. Remember, this is YOUR tattoo. You get to design it. You get to torture me with it.

Have fun and let me know what you think.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Stewed, screwed, and tattooed.

I have done some research and found out that the pink rose symbolizes friendship. Since I love the old sailor style tattoo look, what do you think about some of these ideas?

Remember, this is YOUR tattoo, so help me decide.



I kind of like this second one too. I wouldn't get the heart or the swallow, but I like the idea of the pink rose with a banner underneath. Maybe with "2007", "true friends", "friendship", "hag harem" or something like that written in. The more I look at it, the more I like it. What do you think?

Huh?


Yeah, So I wasn't yelling in the "screwed, blued and Tattooed" post below. I attempted to put the word "so" in bold and large print but got the rest of the post in bold instead. I tried to but couldn't fucking fix it. Oh well, just know that I didn't intend for it to be loud. Hee hee!

Screwed, blued and tattooed.

Okay, so I was watching L.A. Ink the other night and got inspired. Originally I was going to wait to get a new tattoo until after I lost 25 pounds. Well, I am still not on track with that. Plus, I really want to get a tat of a fat fairy which makes more sense to get when I lose the weight. So, we need to schedule a time so that everyone can come with me to get my new tattoos. Yes, I said tattoos as in more than one!

The first one:
What I had originally thought about getting was the design that is seen on the inside of the door to Bagend in the Lord of the Rings movies. Here is a shot of what it looks like:

I was thinking of getting it on the inside of my wrist in green. So, why this strange idea? Well, first of all, starting a new job is like opening a new door. Also, once I saw the first film of the trilogy I began reading the books and was hooked. It was as if I had discovered my own little fantasy world. My own little "happy place" that I had been wishing for my whole life.

More importantly it inspired me to start writing again and reading more into the world JRR Tolkien created which is just amazing. Having this inked on the inside of my right wrist would symbolize to me the opening of new doors both creatively and spiritually. Had I not taken the leap and applied, I would have never found a new job that will hopefully pull me out of the hole I am in both emotionally and financially. Had I not discovered Tolkien's world, you would probably not be reading this blog right now and I would have lost something that I always loved doing and held so dear -- writing. It is not a fan tattoo as much as it is something deeply personal that was brought out by a book.

The second one:
This one I am going to need your help on. Basically, I want to get something to symbolize the friendships that I have. You have no idea how much you have helped me through this year. It brings tears to my eyes to think about how wonderful my friends have been and how much they have helped me and pulled me through the rough times. I don't think I could have survived (and keep surviving) if it wasn't for you.

Originally I thought about getting something like: H H or H 2007 H . HH for Hag Harem, which is funny but really does cover about 90% of the people who have helped me through everything. However, Hag Harem really doesn't cover them all.

I thought about getting this:

Which is the Chinese symbol of friendship. Although nice, it really doesn't do justice to the love and support I have felt from you all. Plus, Chinese symbols are so cliche. If I have to, I will do it but I really wanted something a little ... more.

SO that means that you bitches have an assignment. Please help me find something to symbolize our friendship. I still sort of like the Hag Harem idea, but I don't want to leave anyone out. Please rack your brains and send me any and all ideas. God knows I am a big girl and all, but I don't have enough room to get all your names tattooed on my ass.

I would also like to take this time to show some love to everyone who has shown me love, kindness, and support throughout this year. I really don't know if I could have survived it without you and I really mean that. I am not just giving out some Hallmark words here. I went through some really dark times and I am not sure I would be here still if it wasn't for the love and support of all of you. In no particular order, I would like to thank:


Tim & Ron, Candy & Matt, Renee, Stephanie, Donna, Anna, Erin, Tamra, Laura, Jamie, Allie, Kathy, Amy Newman, Maggie, Peg, Suzanne, Claudia, and of course my Mom and Dad.

*trust that if I forgot anyone, it was merely an unfortunate and accidental oversight*


Sucktastic

Alright, I am no Chris Crocker or anything. However I feel that I need to put my two cents in regarding Ms Spears' VMA performance. Yes, her lip syncing was horrible. Yes, she looked like a drugged up sad stripper.

What really pisses me off is the slack she has been getting about her body. Look at that above picture bitches, she looks awesome! Sure she isn't all ab-licious like she used to be, but her body is fine. I am sorry but this is what real women look like. I am no lesbian, but I prefer my ho's with a little meat on their bones. She looks healthy (well, as long as you don't look in her eyes) and she looks ....NORMAL.

I was seriously pissed off that they same magazines and TV shows that do reports on how scary thin Nicole Richie or the Olsen twins are talking about how fat Britney looks. They are creating an unattainable body ideal for young women everywhere. Should they look healthy like Brit and be called fat, or be anorexic like Richie and be called too thin? Do we want our young women to parade around with confidence in an un-perfect body, or waste away and fade away into a size 00? (check out that link by the way, if you want to be sickened.)

We need to stop attacking young people and celebrities about their bodies. Do I think Kate Moss is too skinny? Maybe. But I also think she is naturally a thin woman. Do I think Britney needs to lose a few pounds? I bet even doctors would agree that she is at a healthy weight for her frame. I just wanted to go on record as saying that I think Britney looks good and people should be ashamed of themselves for beating her up so much and calling her fat. So what if she was fat? Fat is fab it isn't a four letter word! You go Britters!!

Why can't women be allowed to be the shape that they naturally are without designers and tabloids attempting to erase them one pound at at time?!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Friday, September 07, 2007

I never thought I'd see the day




I never thought I would see the day when I could wave goodbye to the job I hate. Well, maybe wave a big fat middle finger. Basically, at my current job, they can not/will not give me full time hours. I made the decision that I had to give up finding my 'dream job' and just find any old job that I could get full time hours and still make a similar salary that I do now. I thought I would never find it.

Like Ron and his new job, this one kind of fell into my lap. I decided to try the Medco company since I have heard wonderful things about them. I really wanted to get out of customer service, but they had an advertisement for a customer service representative so on a whim I decided to apply online. I wasn't really thinking they would ever call. I assumed I would find some seasonal job somewhere and keep struggling.

I applied online with Medco on Tuesday and got a call the same day! Of course, I assumed the number that was calling was a bill collector so I ignored it. I couldn't get a hold of the woman on Wednesday, but talked with her on Thursday. I passed the telephone interview and was asked to come to an interview on Friday (today). I had a 2 hour dentist appointment in the morning, and then went to the interview at 12:30.

3 hours, a mock simulation "exam" and a piss test (drug screen) later, I am now an employee of Medco. Well, as long as my background check goes alright which I am sure it will.

Basically I will be taking customer telephone calls that are coming into this mail order pharmacy company. I will be making $1 more an hour than I am making now. In 90 days I will get another $1 raise. I will have 40 hours with plenty of overtime opportunities. I get full medical, dental and vision insurance plus a $0.00 co-pay on any personal prescriptions that I fill through the company. They offer domestic partner benefits and although I won't need to take advantage of that, I have huge respect for companies that offer it. They have 401k, tuition reimbursement, stock purchase plan, and work at home potential. They also offer monthly bonus opportunities as well!! They may not pay a whole lot, but the benefits are amazing. The people seemed really nice, and I will eventually have my own little cubical to work in (how cool is that?!) I also get paid weekly (on a Thursday) which is sweet! I will also have Sundays off (we are closed) and I haven't had a Sunday off in years!

The only downsides are: I will begin September 17th which means I can't give my current job proper 2 weeks notice. However, like my dad said, they would not hesitate to lay me off with no notice so why worry about them? The other downside is that after a week of training 8:30am-5, I will be working 3:30 - midnight. Blah!! They did make sure to accentuate the fact that the late shift will not be permanent and that within a few months it will get better.

Now I have the difficult task of being strong and confident -- not what I'm good at. I am grappling with so many questions and insecurities!! I know that I have made the jump before when I stepped down as a "Lead," now I just need to find that strength again.
Do I totally quit my current job or do I hang onto a few hours here and there in case Medco falls through?
What if I hate Medco with a passion and want to go back, will they take me?
Do I stay and work 1-2 days a week for extra cash and to keep the discount?
How do I transfer all my medical insurance? How the hell do you do a 401k? What the fuck is a cash balance retirement plan?
Am I going to make new friends there? Make any friends?
What about my friends at my current job? Will I lose them eventually because I won't be seeing them everyday?

Of course, my car broke down on the way home so my high was shit on. However, I really feel like things are looking up for me. I want to thank everyone who have been there for me supporting me and trying to help me find a new job. It was really everybody's good thoughts and positive energy that helped me get this opportunity and I will not let you down.

Bering Sea Bad Boys


Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Fuck, I was in a bad mood today


Apparently there is going to be a lunar eclipse

***tonight***.

Go check it out, I will be!

You can read more about it

HERE.



Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I'm Depressed Ya'll

I am not right these days. I have not exercised much since my vacation and I certainly haven't been eating super well either. Don't get me wrong, I am not pigging out. However, my policy on dieting by not being on a diet and not depriving myself is not working. Plus, I have myself on a night-owl sleep schedule (not tired until 3 or 4 a.m.) so I am eating late at night which I know is no good.

The last I looked I had lost 22 pounds. However, I haven't weighed myself lately but I feel like I gained all that back and more. I just stay at home all day and sleep or watch T.V. Since I am not getting many hours at work I have plenty of time to become a worthless slug. Depression blows.

Plus, I have this thing that I subconsciously do with bills. When I know I don't have much in the way of money, I just simply do not pay my bills. I know they are there, and I look at them as they come in. Then I wait until I am in jeopardy of collection agents or shut offs and then I pay. It is terrible and I shouldn't do it, but of course I do.

Blah! I don't know why I am in a depression funk right now. I can blame the vacation, the heat, lack of work, lack of money, my period and so on. However the fact remains that I attempted to do my workout video tonight (and do the more difficult one) and I failed miserably. I feel like a fat piece of shit. I will get back on track, I'm sure. I think maybe this time I need to really set those goals and stick with them. Maybe even come up with weekly goals and rewards instead of just telling myself I will get a present once I lose a certain number of pounds. Who knows, I just know that I am really disappointed in myself right now.

Why can't I stick with anything? Hell, I even have trouble finishing books sometimes!!

Monday, August 20, 2007

GO SEE IT, GO READ IT



The Golden Compass. Read it if you haven't. Come see the movie in December with me. Visit the website here, and find your own Daemon. Mine says "Modest, spontaneous, solitary, assertive, and relaxed". I love that it is a raven too.

And now for something original!

Alright, so I know it has been awhile since I have posted something. I have been waiting to post my vacation pictures for you all to see. However I! CAN'T! FUCKING! FIND! the right kind of USB cables to hook up my godforsaken digital camera. I swear to god, I am fucking saving up my money and buying a new one. I am so annoyed, and I am pretty sure I will never be allowed to return anything to Target ever again.

Alas, you will have to be satisfied with the Google images I found. My folks and I visited the Christmas Story house in Cleveland and I FINALLY got to visit/see Lake Erie. Woot!! Here is the lowdown:

A Christmas story house:
Follow the links for more information. My advice is if you are in Cleveland go see the house, Otherwise don't make a trip to see it or you will be disappointed. The picture above could not begin to show you how tiny the house is. Now, don't get me wrong. The people giving the tours are really nice people, and the museum across the street is fun (but super small too) and they have a ton of shirts and gifts to buy.

The tour of the house is informative, and I actually learned quite a bit about the production of the film. For example, the president of Higbee's Department Store did not want the movie to be filmed there (all Christmas decorations and music would have to stay up well past the holiday). However, he was going on vacation and let the Vice President make the decision on filming. That gentleman thought it would be a fun thing for the employees and a great marketing idea. Thank goodness for him because we got some wonderful movie moments out of them.

The disappointing thing about the experience was that the majority of the film is not shot in the house but actually on a sound stage. Thus, don't expect the inside of the house to look much like it did in the movie. It is simply too small.

Overall, it was a fun thing to do. However, my folks were thinking we were going to drive all the way from Youngstown to Cleveland (a good 3 hours or more) to see some huge deal thing. About 45 minutes later we were more bummed than a girl losing her virginity on prom night: This is all there is to it?

LAKE ERIE:
Anyone who knows me or reads my blog knows that I have a love affair with the water and thought I might someday move to the Lake Erie/Put-In-Bay area to work and live. Well, I was elated and disappointed with my first trip there.

After the anti-climactic Christmas Story house, we figured we may as well drive another 45 minutes - 1 hour to the water. My dad took us to Miller Ferries where you put your car on the ferry and go across to the islands including Put-In-Bay (that takes too long to type, so I will be referring to it as PIB). Once we got there, is was a disaster. We arrived on a Friday at about 4 o'clock. Pretty much every single frat boy and bleached blond bimbo in the Northern Ohio area was there with cars and beer. I figure there was a few hundred cars waiting to go over. Now, the ferry stops running at 10 pm. Had we gotten across eventually, we would have had to turn around and leave to catch the last ferry or be stuck overnight.

For some reason, my father knew all this and yet failed to mention it. Apparently driving all that way to look out the window, say "Shit, that is a big ass lake!" and turn around to go home, was fine to him. I must admit I was near tears. I really wanted to go over and see this place that he had gone fishing to every year for basically my entire life. I had really romantic visions of it being something like a fishing town. Well, it ain't.

As we were leaving and defeated, my brilliant mother mentioned something about jet boat rides out to PIB. We drove around for awhile until we stumbled upon the place called Jet Express. It is in a town called Port Clinton. It was not the Dutch Harbor-esque place I had in mind, but it was super cool and I really wish we could have spent some time exploring. I plan on making a trip to Port Clinton and PIB as my 50 pound goal reward.

So, Jet Express ferry's you over the Lake to any of the islands (who knew there was more than one with more than one thing to do on them?) It is faster (but no cars allowed and daddy has bad knees) and runs until midnight. The cost was only $12.00 both ways, but with the 3 of us my mother had a small financial heart attack. But I think she knew I was bummed and also felt the same as me, why the fuck did we drive all this way to not go over to the islands?

Long story short: PIB was nothing like I thought it was. And everything that I thought it was. The main area/place to go is super small -- about the size of the Short North or smaller. The rest of the island is camping areas or homes (oh, to live there!). So, your only options are to shop, drink, eat, drink or drink. There is nothing more pathetic than a bunch of 30-something soccer moms attempting to hold onto the last threads of their youth.

Now, don't get me wrong. With a bunch of my friends, we could have a ton of fun. My dad introduced me to this awesome bar called Tippers which has an actual bar that snakes up and down the majority of the building. They had a band playing, and had a really fun atmosphere. But I wasn't really looking for bars and boobs. I was looking for taverns and fishermen and ships and seagulls.

Alas, I did have fun. I wished we could have spent more time there. PIB has underground mines/coves, aquatic museums, boat rides, beaches and so on. A ton of fun stuff to do. I would have loved to do a little more with more time and money.

We went to Perry's Monument which is the tower you see in the above picture. The monument itself was closed for repairs but the museum was cool, and we watched a short film about the battle for lake Erie. I like that kind of dorky stuff, it's a little more my pace. I am also a sucker for a good sea story. We did some shopping and ate at the boardwalk. Yes, I did try a little nibble of Mom's crab cake just for the occasion. (Vegetarian gods help me, that shit tastes GOOD!) I got some great pictures that I hope to share with you someday.

Overall PIB was disappointing as it really is just a bunch of drunks. Had I been looking for a party town that day, I would have been in heaven. However, Lake Erie was wonderful. As I said, I fell in love with (what little I saw of) Port Clinton. I just wish I could have maybe taken a boat out, or sat by the water and just be alone.

I think that was what I was looking for -- the part of me that is missing when I am not around a body of water. I know it sounds stupid and I don't have the poetry to describe just what I mean. But being around water, is like being home. I finally feel at peace and calm in my skin.

I thank my folks for taking me out there and I really hope to get a bunch of girl friends together for a weekend trip or something. Maybe even a trip by myself to go fishing and explore. Yes, I said fishing. Dad and I used to do that together all the time and I really miss it. I have made peace with it in my heart as I feel that catch and release policies do no harm.

Anyway, even though I spent my vacation with my parents, I had a good time as usual. They are pretty awesome people and really didn't feel like a dork buying my PIB mermaid shirt with my mommy at my side, or sharing a beer with my daddy.

I leave this uber-long post with a wonderful quote I found recently. It really sums up my life philosophy and it really speaks to me. It is the truth in my eyes, and if I could afford it I may end up with it inked onto my skin as a daily reminder of what I truly find important in life.


"The cure for anything is salt water -- sweat, tears or the sea." ~Isak Dinesen

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Fergalicious Parody

My favorite is the chunky back-up dancers!

Monday, August 06, 2007

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Swedish Chef and lobsters

Do yourself a favor and go to youtube and search the Swedish Chef clips.

You will giggle silly like the little kid you once were.

Johnny Cash @ the Muppets singing with Miss Piggy

The best part of this is that they are actual Johnny Cash songs! and the one he sings with Ms Piggy he originally sang with his wife June Carter Cash.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Hairspray. Go see it. Now!


Hairspray the musical has come to the big screen.
You can visit the official website
HERE.

Go see it, damn it.

John Travolta is no Divine, but he is tolerable. I really liked the movie, especially when the queen herself - Queen Latifa - sang my new personal anthem "Big Blond and Beautiful". It seemed like this version is a little more focused on body image issues instead of racial integration and equality.
(I think that made me love it even more!)

Judging by the cameos of both Ricki Lake and his holiness Mr John Waters, the new hairspray seems to be supported by all the original folks. You can't beat the first one, but this one is definitely worth checking out. Hell, I might even break down and buy the soundtrack.

Home Sweet Home


Well bitches, even I get a vacation every once in awhile. Although I can't really afford it. However, from the 22nd-28th I am going home to the Youngstown area to visit my family and get some good old fashioned babying. I can't fucking wait! I work 7-3:30 Saturday and right after work I am heading on to home (yes, that is the humble abode that yours truly was spawned and grown in).

The drive only takes about 2 to 2 1/2 hours. That is just long enough for me to start beginning to lose my mind and the feeling in my toes. I don't know how people can drive for 5, 10 or 20 hours a stretch! Feel free to give me a call and keep me company on my trip. I would say you could text me, but I think the highway patrol frowns upon driving and texting. Why? I don't know.

I will do my best to take some pictures and I may even have access to the internet once I am home. (Welcome to 2007 mom and dad!) Alas, I may not blog much for a while. Some people think all I do is complain. That has kind of soured me on the whole blogging thing, but I am sure I will get back on track (and have plenty of time) once I am back in cow town and working my measly 22 hours! Let's all say it together now ... "NEW JOB".

I had an idea to blog about friendship and how I sometimes look at my friends and wonder why they like spending time with me. What is it about me that makes someone want to call me a friend. I truly feel honored at times that people would chose to have me in their lives. However, I have a massive headache and just took some allergy medicine that will hopefully knock me out and I will get some major sleep tonight.

I will tell you this bit of good news, though. I weighed myself at my friend Candy's house and I have lost another 7 pounds!! That brings the total to a whopping 22 pounds! Woot woot!!

My first reward I came up with awhile ago was to finally get the wrist tattoo that I have been wanting once I drop 25 pounds. It looks like I will be getting pretty inky in the near future. I can't wait and you are all invited!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Presenting Lothian in Simpson-vision!

(I am Totally stealing this idea from Donna)

Meet Lothian, the newest resident to Springfield. Lothian works at the local comic book store where she and "comic book guy" make fun of customers all day. Lothian particularly hates those who purchase lame ass Manga books and she lovingly refers to them as "Mongo's." When Lothian is not working she enjoys watching her favorite TV show "The Puffiest Catch." The show follows a bunch of fishermen while they work, doing the most deadly job: fishing off of Springfield sound for puffer fish. In fact, her most prized possession is her "Puffiest Catch" t-shirt.
Lothian is looking for a good, nice looking man who has never played Dungeons and Dragons. Tattoos are a plus but not required. He must have a sense of humor and enjoy the luscious curves of her yellow body. The perfect man for Lothian will respect her life-long ban of Krusty Burger's, although he does not have to only eat Tofu Totties himself. If you think you have what she is looking for, if you can name all of the members of the Fellowship of the Ring while dancing to "Rock of Ages" by Def Lepppard, then give Lothian a call. Her number is 614-867-5309

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Sunday, July 08, 2007

I just have to say ...


Tonight Tonight Tonight!



Mullets are sexy-ass, and make me wet.


I may get laid tonight.


(I've been saving myself for a man like him.)




Saturday, July 07, 2007

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have ...

First the good news:

I have lost 15 pounds!
Woot!!

My blood pressure was crazy high, but who cares? I will just be a sexy skinny bitch having a heart attack.

Other good news:

This Sunday night, bitches.

Def Fucking Leppard.

Will have pictures, hopefully.






**and now let the bitching commence ...

In case you didn't know...



... I FUCKING HATE MY JOB!!! I am too tired to go over the details of tonight. Let's just say that I really really want a job where

ALL of the people do ALL of the work and not SOME of the people do ALL of the work.


When did we become a society where hard work is looked down upon? What kind of person feels good about themselves at the end of the day after doing nothing all day at work? I appreciate hard work. I truly believe I could work in a factory where the harder you work and the better you do your job, the more acknowledgment you get. Don't get me wrong. I don't have to look much farther than my own father to see how a factory worker can just be kicked to the curb. I am just saying, who is proud of themselves for getting the most amount of money for the least amount of work. How can a person pass judgment on others when they never get their fingers dirty? I wonder how does it feel to be totally and utterly fucking useless?

Dearest management staff and co-workers,
If some of us rose up and chose to not do your goddamn job for you, or chose to only do that which is required of us, you would all be fucking lost. I am tired. Tired of being treated like shit and getting under appreciated. Tired of doing the work of 2 people. Pull your heads out of your self righteous, self important, holier than thou asses and realize YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT THE REAL WORKERS. YOU ARE USELESS, THOUGHTLESS, ARROGANT AND LOST. AND SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!

That is all for now. Didn't take me long to start complaining about work again, did it?


(PS- I have no clue why the type on this post is so huge, but I can't fix it. It just represents my anger I suppose.)

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Honda Element Gil

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO FORGOT ABOUT GIL. HERE IS THE ORIGINAL VERSION. I WANNA BUY AN ELEMENT JUST TO KEEP GIL IN THE BUSINESS.

Honda Element Gil

EVEN MORE GIL!! THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE!

Element and Friends-Pigskin

I LOVE GIL!!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Pride 2007



Click on the PFLAG logo above to join. Happy Pride Day everyone!!

Friday, June 22, 2007

Dramatic Look

5 seconds of drama.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Friday, June 15, 2007

She only goes about 2 mph, but she's no lemon!

Hello all! I thought I would devote a little posty-post on my walking /weight loss/ healthy living journey. Thanks to Donna I am keeping up with things so far. She is definitely my motivation and is giving me some great advice!

So, I went to Tar-Jay today and did something I never thought I would do. I bought a bathroom scale! Yep, that is right. I will be weighing myself regularly. I never thought I would ever care enough about vanity to check my weight on a regular basis.

However, I have been reading up on this walking thing and getting some important information on creating walking programs. Apparently it is a good thing to set goals for yourself. I think keeping track of my weight will help me motiviate myself to keep getting out there.
(Of course, when I weighed myself on the new scale and it said I was 5 pounds heavier than the doctor's office told me! I still think I am losing, so I am trying to not let the "number game" get to me.)

I have to admit it, I don't really mind the walking thing. Of course I hate to exercise, and hate to sweat. Some days I really have to fight myself through it and fight against everything in my body telling me to stop and quit. I typically have to drag myself out of the house to go walking (unless I am going with a buddy, then I am fine. Go figure? I think I get bored all alone).

However, once I finish I feel really good about myself. The sweat is pouring and the heart is pounding, but it feels good (maybe it just feels good to be DONE!) I miss it if I don't do it, just like I miss and feel "off" if I don't drink massive amounts of water everyday -- I am pretty much only drinking water now.
(By the way, caffeine is almost completely gone out of my life for good. I don't use it unless it is a dire emergency, and then in major moderation. I maybe consume 1-2 cups of coffee or soda a week. My heart thanks me for that! It has made a huge improvement in the palpitations.)

I am proud that I am sticking to things ... even though it has only been two weeks!

I feel really good since I started becoming more active. I have more energy and sleep way better. I even feel a little more in tune with my body. How do I explain what I mean by that? Well, I think most fat people (yes, I am not afraid of the F-word) don't really see themselves as fat. They have no connection to their bodies -- no realization just how big they are. Then, once you see a picture of yourself, or you can't fit into a theater seat, you are thrust back into reality and it is painful!

Since I started walking and have been noticing little minor (positive) changes in my body, I have become more conscious of it. Maybe even a little more loving towards it. I am not a skinny girl looking out of a fat body. I am aware of my size, and am living in my body. I don't know how else to explain it, but I think most of you understand.

I still have bad body image days, but these little improvements that only I can see are lifting my spirits and helping me to keep up with the program. If I can see these changes with very little work, imagine what I can could happen if I push myself! Right now I am starting out slow and doing the bare minimum -- 3 days a week, 30 minutes a day. Sometimes more, sometimes less. A lot of the programs I have been reading up on suggested 15 minutes everyday. However, since I am focused on cardio health, I really believe keeping my heart pumping for a good 30 minutes is much better. I still try to fit in something everyday -- a little walk around our huge (about 1/2 mile around) building at work during breaks, park further away from store entrances, taking the stairs, power shopping, etc.

I can do a mile in about 25-30 minutes. I can do two miles in an hour. For many people, that is not very much but to me it is amazing! I am trying to not let the exercise demons get into my head ("a mile is nothing!", "a woman your age should be able to do more", "You are only exercising 3 times a week?!") . I think we are our worst enemy in all of this!

GOALS! So, now I have to set some goals. Everything I have read has said that telling yourself "I just want to get healthy" is not good enough. You need measurable goals. Plus you need rewards. Well fuck if I can think of anything!! I can think of BIG rewards for BIG goals ( ie: lose 100 pounds = a trip to Alaska, lose 20 = new tattoo, etc) But I think I need little goals and little rewards. I know I won't be able to see the 'big picture' and keep fighting toward such huge and far away goals -- I will just get discouraged/bored and quit.

I know that I would like to work up to exercising every single day for about 30 minutes. I would also like to work up to doing it at longer intervals (hour maybe two) and more miles. But, what is a realistic time frame to achieve this? How do I reward myself for meeting these goals? I don't think a hot fudge sundae will work.


**Help me out bitches, send me some of your suggestions!**
If I like 'em, I will post them and keep everyone updated as to how close I am to the goal. Now is your chance to punish me, my little mistresses!!



Friday, June 08, 2007

No, it's not John from work!

I was standing behind him today while he worked at his computer.
Looking down at him, standing so close, it took all of my willpower to not reach over and lightly brush my fingertips through his soft blond curls.
How soft those upturned wisps would feel in my caress!
Just the lightest touch.
It felt so natural.
To just lose all of my inhibitions, bend down, and gingerly kiss him right behind his ear.
My lips only slightly touching that sensuous lobe with the most loving touch.
It felt so real, so ... acceptable. Like I had done it a million times before.
The touch, the kiss, his body. Taking is warm hand into mine.
A brief flash of knowing, of an almost familiarity to his flesh.
That sense of freedom and possession -- that HIS was a body I could feel. Touch. I was allowed to, had access to.
I am bitterly reminded of that oh so frequently unappreciated sense of entitlement of touch that lovers so often take for granted -- This. is. mine.
My entire body wanted it. Wanted to lose control and act foolishly.
I clenched my hands into fists and jammed them into my pockets, locking them away from their foolishness. Reminding myself that this is not for me. It is for another to enjoy.

But Oh! Those curls.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Happy Birthday
























Colin,

Happy Birthday my darling!


Your present is waiting for you between the sheets. Lubed up and ready to ride.

Come and get it anytime.


Yours truly,

-Lo.




Friday, May 25, 2007

Update-Palooza! ultimate long postie-poo

Damn, I think Blogger is going to blow up with all these freaking posts I have done tonight. I know I have not been keeping you all updated lately and I apologize. Working two jobs is kicking my ass. However, I had some free time after cleaning and before sleeping, so I thought I better get my ass to typing.

My new job (which I think I will permanently refer to as "that test grading thing") is going fantastic. Some of the people are a little ... odd. The first project didn't go so great, and thought "what the hell have I gotten myself into now?" I really didn't like my "team leader" and I was trying, with some failure, to adjust to the new way of grading and the new type of papers I was grading. I recently found in the bottom of my purse a scribbled rant wrote around that transitioning time about the people there:
"Dear susie sonofabitch,
I can't stand listening to you chomp and chew on your fucking Styrofoam rice cakes. Clicking and clacking your claw-like fake nails furiously on the computer keyboard like a pissed off wood pecker going to town on a tin roof. Hearing your nasally voice moving around the break room whining into your cellphone "can you hear me know?" like a bad parody of an even more annoying commercial.
love,
- Lo."
I feel better know though. I have met some really nice people and am working pretty steady. I think I will have projects to do until the end of July. Then ... I have no idea. I really don't know what I am going to do once I have to go back to full time at the store. I can barely stand showing up 3 times a week. By the way, I will announce it now: stand corrected! I can'tt work more than 23 hours. I should not have complained about not getting 30 hours. I barely want to show up now as it is. I Am glad I only got scheduled 23 hours a week. It's pretty nice not giving a shit, and not having to give a shit. I get to do the bare minimum and that's it. Not too shabby.

An update on my health:
I had a recent doctors appointment to get a prescription refilled. Yep, I have to make an appointment and go see her to get stuff refilled. ($$$) Anyway, while I was there I decided to do some "spring cleaning."

Remember the 'lady problem' I have been having lately? The never-ending lady problem? Yea. Last time I saw her, she told me I had to research what birth control pills I wanted to be on and find out the generic names of them before she would prescribe them to me. I did all that (with some help from Maggie).

Months later, at the appointment, she could have cared less what pill I wanted. I could have chosen any! Plus, I didn't need the generic name. All I needed to do was tell the pharmacist that I wanted generic and voila! $10! All these years being miserable because I couldn't afford $35, only to find out that generic has been available the whole time!!
Things haven't improved for me yet, (and I am sure I am not protected yet boys!) However, it hasn't quite been a month, so I am hoping this gets all cleared up soon.

Now for my spanking.
Have been with holding information from ya'll. I don't know why I haven't been open and telling about it, I just wished to keep it kind of quiet. I certainly wasn't trying to hide it, I was just tired of having "something wrong with me". I guess I figured that if I didn't tell anyone about it, maybe it wouldn't go badly.

See, for the past few years, I have had these ... heart palpitations. I will just be hanging out, working, trying to sleep, etc when all of a sudden my heart seems to skip a beat. I couldn't figure any cause of it (exertion, caffeine, stress), so I of course ignored it. I think my heart would have to be hanging out of my bellybutton before I would think to go to a doctor to see what was up!

Well, a couple of months ago the palps starting increasing in frequency. Then, one night at work I had a really bad episode and almost blacked out & passed out. Since I used to be a smoker, I am overweight, I have bad heart issues on both sides of the family, and my grandmother had to have a pacemaker to combat an irregular heartbeat, I figured it was time to mention it.

The doc sent me a cardiologist who took things really seriously. The short of a long story is: I have a really fast heart rate (around 100 bpm with the average being around 60-90 bpm) and pretty okay blood pressure. He ran some blood work and everything looked good (cholesterol, potassium, etc). I had to take a stress test that involved a (quite painful) ultrasound of my heart, followed by a monitored stint on the treadmill, followed by another (I mean, I have bruises!) painful ultrasound. The results looked good though, everything is structurally alright with my heart.

I have to wear an "event monitor" for 30 days. Basically it is this cool little machine that I wear 24-7. I put a little sticky on my chest, and one under my left breast. Then I snap little electrodes onto them and put the monitor in my pocket. Whenever I get a palpitation or feel my heart doing the funky chicken, I press record. It records for 60 seconds -- like a mini EKG. Once I get one or two recordings saved, I call a 1-800 number and talk to a tech who takes some info from me like what I was doing and what my symptoms were. Then, I put the phone to the monitor and press send. It screeches and beeps like a fax machine having sex with an internet connection. Then that is it! Pretty cool contraption.

I have only recorded one thing so far, and my skin is breaking out into hive-like blotches from having to wear those electrodes. I must be allergic to the adhesive. So wearing it is a pain in the ass, but if it shows something, then great. In 30 days, I just mail the thing and they will look at what I sent and let me know where to go from there.

In the meantime, he prescribed me a medication to lower my heart rate. For some reason, I am afraid to take it. So I am going to wait until after I send back the monitor to fill it. Apparently it makes you really tired for the first few weeks so I want to be done working the two jobs so that I am not dragging and doing really poor work.

Needless to say, I also need to lose some major weight. let's just say I was WELL over what I thought I weighed. I have always told myself that I would never panic about my weight unless I went over a particular number. I have blown past that number by about 15 pounds.

I am doing good though. I am starting to eat better, and exercising. I think I will buy an at-home exercise DVD (that I can tolerate without being really annoyed) and start doing workouts at home, as well as taking regular walks. I may even look into whether I can afford to join a health club again. I used to do water aerobics at a place that is now right across the street from me, and I loved it! I think it is only $15/month, so I might be able to swing it.

If anyone wants to start getting more active with me, I need all the help and motivation I can get. I hate exercise, I hate sweating, I hate hot summer days, and I love ice cream. However, I am ONLY doing this to be healthier. Weight-loss is only a nice side effect of keeping my heart and knees healthy. I think this mind frame is what will keep me going in all this. I need to feel young again because I AM YOUNG! DAMN IT!

Oh, and the hot dude that I work with is certainly motivation too! More about him in a later post...


One Amazing Broad!

The hot mama wearing the visor is my good friend Donna. She is a big supporter of the Susan Komen race and walk for the cure. According to her website she will be be participating in the:

"Susan Komen 3 Day Walk for the Cure November 9-11 in San Diego. I'll be walking 60 miles in 3 days! But I have a lot of work to do before that, like getting in shape, and collecting the $2,200 in pledges that I need. Please visit my Official HQ page at


http://www.the3day.org/sandiego07/princesspixie
or contact me at pproyale@yahoo.com."

Please visit Donna's brand new and purty blog at http://donnasblogforthecure.blogspot.com/
Send her some love and if you can, please donate a small bit to her cause. As you can see, she needs to raise quite a bit of money and can't do it alone. If you visit her Official HQ page, you can make a donation. It is quick and easy, and you can donate any amount -- even $5.

She didn't ask me to post this and will probably kill me for doing so. However, she is a dear friend and anything I can do to help, I shall. I personally have already donated to her pledges and if everyone out there just donated 5 bucks, we could get her walking that 60 miles. Plus, she will get to visit with her brand new grand-baby boy!

Congratulations Donna and GOOD LUCK!!

Don't Chew Jesus


I have been sitting on this post for awhile. I just haven't had the time to fully dedicate my anger toward this on going issue. Well, look out bitches because I got the time now!

Recently while I was at work, a co-worker came up to me with some disturbing information. She said a customer had just came up to her with a book from our Gay and Lesbian book section that had a religious tract on the inside.
Don't know what a tract is? Here is some (quite) interesting information on tracts that I got from Wikipedia:
As religious literature, they were used throughout the turbulence of the Protestant Reformation, and various uphevals of the 17th century. They came to such prominence again in the Oxford Movement that it became known as Tractarianism, after the publication in the 1830s and 1840s of a series of religious essays collectively called Tracts for the Times.

These tracts were written by a group of Church of England clergy including John Henry Newman, John Keble, Henry Edward Manning, and Edward Pusey. They were theological discourses that sought to establish the continuity between the Church of England and the patristic period of church history. They had a vast influence on Anglo-Catholicism. They were learned works and varied in length from four to over 400 pages.[1] An important center for the spreading of tracts was the London-based Religious Tract Society.[2] Tracts were used both within England - affecting the conversion of pioneer missionary to China, Hudson Taylor - as well as in the cross cultural missions movements such as Taylor founded: the China Inland Mission. Charles Spurgeon wrote many tracts, and in addition to these evangelical writings, his "Penny Sermons" were printed weekly and distributed widely by the millions and used in a similar way.

The publishing of tracts for religious purposes has continued unabated. In the United States, the American Tract Society has continuously published literature of this type since 1825. As evangelistic tools, tracts became promininent in the Jesus movement. One of the most widely distributed was "The Four Spiritual Laws" authored by Bill Bright of Campus Crusade for Christ and first published in 1965. "This Was Your Life" was the first of many tracts written by Jack Chick. Later Chick tracts followed the pattern vivid cartoon images and began to focus on vehement Anti-Catholic opinions.

In the 1980s and 1990s Last Days Ministries reprinted articles in the Last Days Newsletter by Keith Green and other contemporary and historic writers including David Wilkerson, Leonard Ravenhill, Winkie Pratney, Charles Finney, John Wesley, and William Booth. More recently Living Waters Publications prints tracts such as "The Atheist Test" or "Are You Good Enough to Go to Heaven?", as well as tracts which feature attention-getting illusions or gags. These include the "Million Dollar Bill", which caused a legal controversy in June 2006.

Brochure-like tracts, also known as pamphlets, advocating political positions have also been used throughout history as well. They were used throughout Europe in the 17th century. In the 18th century, they featured prominently in the political unrest leading up to the American Revolution. A well-known example of a far-reaching tracts from this era is Common Sense by Thomas Paine.

Tracts were used for political purposes throughout the 20th century. They were used to spread Nazi propaganda in central Europe during the 1930s and 1940s. According to Jack Chick, his impetus to design cartoon-based religious tracts was brought on by hearing of a similar promotional tool used by Communists in China to wide success. [3] In the months before the John F. Kennedy assassination, Lee Harvey Oswald handed out pamphlets promoting Fidel Castro and Communist Cuba on the streets of New Orleans, Louisiana.
I've never seen any political tracts, just the religious ones. They are fucking everywhere: under your windshield wipers, given to waitresses as tips, and books. This co-worker and I went through every single GLBT book in that section and found over 10 tracts folded inside various books. Many of the tracts had the words "Death" or "Heaven or Hell?" in big letters on the front.

I went to our New Age section, and by God, there were more of those suckers inside books on Wicca, Witchcraft, Magical Arts, Astrology and Occult. Let's just say I was PPIISSEEDD!!

Of course, there is not a whole hell of a lot that you can do to stop these terrorists. If you don't see them placing something inside of books, you can't punish them or stop them. I do understand that my employer can't set up signs that say "please refrain from placing your hate into our publications". I would love to know if anyone has ever been "saved" from reading one of these!

I just wish more can be done. It breaks my heart to imagine the poor person who innocently opens their Lesbian parenting guide book only to find a pamphlet telling them they are going to Hell. They do not deserve to experience that and no matter how hard you think your heart is, hate still hurts. To be honest it would make me not want to go back to that store, even if it wasn't the fault of the business but the fault of their ignorant, simple minded, hate-filled, inbred, hypocritical customers.

Don't get me wrong, I think religion can be down right beautiful. If you have that peace in your heart and you come from a pure place, then I can honor that. It is when hate and judgment are being thrown at people in God's name. He who is without sin, cast the first stone. If I need saving, I will find you. There is a fucking church on every corner. I don't mean to pick on the Christians because many religions have those holier than thou people who perform atrocities in the name of religion. By the way, what does Hell look like Mr. Fallwell?

So, what can I DO? Well, every week I go through those sections of the bookstore and remove any hate pamphlets I find and pitch them. I also thought about scanning the tracts I found to show you what they looked like, but I thought better of it. However, I think we should write, or call or e-mail these folks and let them know just how much their words mean to us. I even thought about grabbing a whole bunch of subscription cards from gay magazines and feminist magazines and signing them up for subscriptions. (wink, wink)

Those words should be burned and the addresses ... shared with all!:

"If you have decided to trust Jesus Christ as your Saviour after reading this tract, please write and let us know."
Fellowship Tract League
PO Box 164
Lebanon, Ohio 45036
www.fellowshiptractleague.org

"This prayer card answers a request from Our Lady that prayer cards be distributed throughout America so that all might know she has come here and wishes to be known as Our Lady of Light. To honor her request and help to distribute her prayer cards, write to:"
Our Lady of Light Prayer Card
PO Box 176236
Covington, KY 41017
859-331-9393


To all of you tract passers: As Frank Zappa once sang, "Jesus thinks you're a jerk."

**The title of my post comes from an actual book in the Christianity section. Don't believe me? Check it out right here. The title cracks my shit up every time!**

Employee Appreciation

EMPLOYEE APPRECIATION DAYS ARE A-COMIN'!

GET THE GOODS WHILE THEY ARE HOT!

LET ME KNOW WHAT CHA' NEED, GIVE ME SOME CASH, AND I WILL

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CD DVD: 30%



JUNE 8-12TH

YOU KNOW WHERE

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Not just a fan...

Not only do I love watching and reading about crab fishing and commercial fishing of all kinds, I actually care about the men and women behind the stories I love so much.

May 6th is a special day. The following blurb is from the Seattle Fisherman's Memorial to honor those who have gone to sea, only to never return. May they rest in peace and may their families find solace someday. To read more, or donate just click the blue link above.

"In 1988, the Seattle Fishermen's Memorial dedicated a magnificent bronze and stone aggregate monument at Seattle's Fishermen's Terminal. The celebration culminated years of effort and generous contribution by Seattle's commercial fishing community. This towering sculpture and the bronze name plaques at its base have become a place of reverence, recognition and healing for the families of more than 670 local commercial fishermen and women who have lost their lives pursuing their livelihood since the turn of the century.

More than a tribute to an industry and the lives of its men and women, the monument fills a special need for commercial fishing families. In many instances, those who are lost at sea simply vanish, leaving their loved ones without a word or a trace. The construction of this monument has provided their memory a residence, a site for family and friends to visit, to place flowers, to reflect and to heal.

Each Spring, on the first Sunday of May, the Memorial hosts a service to honor all of those who have died at sea and to place additional names on the plaques. Sadly, commercial fishing remains the country's most dangerous profession, and new names have been added each year."