RIP

Roseanne Barr on Graham Norton

I stole this clip from gigababy, but I don't care. I can't wait to visit this new town. NSFW.

Hey Fucktard,

Dearest fucktard,
Hello. I have a few questions for you. Did you not see the car that was sitting diagonally in the lane up ahead. You know the one, it had the front end all crushed in. Did you miss those pretty red and blue flashing lights blocking that entire lane? Did you happen to miss all the debris across the road?

Yeah, probably not. I could see how you could have missed all that. However, the problem is that I was trying to merge onto I71 from I270. As you know, there really isn't much space to do so. This mashed up car, debris, police car, and person walking around were totally blocking the lane I was in and I was forced to merge into the lane next to me.

Now last time I checked, it was legal to turn on my turn signal, check my mirrors and merge into a lane. I know you would have preferred that I slam my car into the police cruiser and the crushed up car. I know it would have been more convenient for you if I would have not used my legal right to merge into YOUR lane (you know, your personal driving lane) and just slammed into the people walking around killing them instantly. I know that it would have been easier for you to have me drive over some glass or broken metal and bust my tires.

You are far more important than I am, I understand this. I mean, clearly you had somewhere you desperately needed to be at 7:30pm on a Tuesday night. I should have never dreamed of asking you to ensure the safety of all involved, and move over to the furthest lane possible. How dare I assume YOU would allow me to legally and safely merge into your lane without getting some reprimand for my actions.

Did you see me wave when you laid on your horn? I did it with one finger.

sincerely,
the apparent pain in the ass whose New Year's resolution is to drive more safely

yep.

First, the good news.

So, my little Jenny-Pooh tagged me, so I guess I got to think up some weird facts about myself. This should be interesting and difficult!

The rules:
Link to the person who tagged you;
Leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours;
Post the rules on your blog;
Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog;
Tag 7 random people at the end of your post;
Include links to their blogs;
Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

Here we go:

1) I have always wanted to be singer and actress. However, I am too shy to be an actress and I can't carry a tune in a bucket!! That doesn't stop me from belting out along with Tori Amos. Canines everywhere probably hate me.

2) I went through a period in my senior year of High School (and some of college) where I thought I was bi-sexual. Those thoughts came from childhood trauma mixed with fear of the unknown when it comes to my sexuality and men. I have since changed my mind, but I reserve the right to change it back at any time! ;)

3) Although an animal activist and vegetarian for almost 10 years, I LOVE to go fishing. Fishing was a great bonding time that I spent with my daddy as a child and I simply can't get away from it. For a while, I refused to do it because of my beliefs and I haven't been fishing in years (unless you count fishing on the Cornelia Marie in my dreams) But damn it, it is fun. I feel so ashamed sometimes, and sometimes I just want to throw the catch back and re bait my hook.

4) In related news, I love the water. I can't be without it. Sometimes I think I am a mermaid or siren of some kind. However, I am more of a pool side or lake girl as I have only had one experience with the ocean. It was in Florida and let's just say, she kicked my cocky ass across the beach and shoved sand so far up my ... well, let's just say I was pooping pearls for a week.

5) Keeping with the nautical theme I will confess something else. Something Steve will appreciate I am sure. Yes, I am a vegetarian. However I have tasted crab recently and found that I love it. I only had tiny bites, mind you. And goodness knows I haven't had the pleasure of Alaskan King Crab, but damn that stuff is good. I will do my best to not fall off the wagon, though.

6) I was voted most unique in High School. I think it should have been weirdest kid, but none the less my peers knew I was odd. I took my senior pictures at Walmart and the one I had them publish involved me holding a white candle, wearing all black, with an all black background. Part of me is really embarrassed by the picture now, and part of me is proud that I took the risk and decided to do something different and unconventional.

7) (This was easier than I thought) One year I got so lazy that by the time I took my Christmas decorations down, I had a month before I needed to put them up again!

Well, I don't have 7 people to tag, but here are two. I tag Ron and Donna.

When it rains, it pours.

I just found out last night that my mother needs surgery. Not just any kind of surgery either, but major surgery. Basically it turns out that she has about a 75% blockage in her carotid artery. The doctor wants her to have an MRI or CAT scan to determine things further. This doesn't come as much of a shock since her father had a stroke and her mother died from hardening of the arteries.

The problem is that my parents don't have any insurance. None. Mom works part time at Joanne Etc, but she doesn't think that insurance would pay for something pre-existing if she applies for it now. My father's factory shut down a few years ago and left all those men without jobs and insurance. Both are too young for social security so they are struggling financially. Of course, they tell me this AFTER they give me $1300 dollars to help fix my car.

It is at the point where my mother doesn't want to have the surgery because of the money and the risk. Apparently there is a huge risk of the blockage breaking off and rushing to the brain and killing the patient. What do I say to that? Of course I want her to get better and I don't want her to risk having a stroke. God knows what kind of condition a stroke would leave her in.

My question to you all is this. I know a lot of my readers have had insurance issues in the past and have either gone without or have gotten some sort of supplemental coverage. Does anyone out there have any ideas what they can do to help pay for all of this? Of course your thoughts and prayers are also very much needed and appreciated at this time too.

Logan, the Sky Angel Cowboy

Wow. This made me cry. He was just what I needed right now. I am not commenting on religion here as I don't speak about what my faith is or is not. However, the love and strength of this little boy was overwhelming to me and I thought I would share pass it along. I don't think about the God/religion part. Think about the purity and gentleness of his words.

POT USA

Everyone I know is taking this quiz, so I thought I would too just to see how it comes out. I was sort of surprised at the results and even at my answers. I would have thought Hilary Clinton would have been higher on the list as Barack Obama is apparently not as gay friendly as we would like him to be. As you can tell, I am a bleeding heart liberal who still has no clue who to vote for. Don't worry, I won't let an online quiz decide for me who to vote for. It should be interesting.

85% Barack Obama
84% John Edwards
83% Hillary Clinton
82% Chris Dodd
81% Bill Richardson
78% Dennis Kucinich
77% Joe Biden
76% Mike Gravel
52% Rudy Giuliani
37% John McCain
34% Mitt Romney
31% Tom Tancredo
27% Mike Huckabee
21% Fred Thompson
14% Ron Paul

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

Jingle cats

I hope everyone had a safe and fun New Year's Eve! I know I did. I got my much needed drink on, and had a comfy couch to crash on. THEN pancakes in the morning. Can't start the new year off better than that!

I AM GOING TO FUCKING LOSE IT!!

So, I thought my luck had turned around. I was able to pick up my car today instead of Wednesday. It was only going to cost $761.00. Ron had time to pick me up at Budget car rental so I could drop off the rental early and get some money back. Things felt good.

I called off work today so that I would have plenty of time to pick up the car if they called today. I went to Budget at 12:10 to drop off the rental. Oh, we closed at noon. We won't be back until Wednesday and won't check the car in until then. Yes, we will charge you until Wednesday. FUCK YOU! Fine, I leave the car there. I don't need it, right? Big mistake.

Ron takes me to the shop to get Scarlet. I am feeling happy to be done with car drama even if I have to pay for 2 days of car rental that I didn't use. Pick up car, pay for it and start it up. Huh? She sounds like a freight train. Suddenly it sounds like I am driving a sick Harley motorcycle or something. I drive her home and she is shaking so bad I can barely see out of the rear view mirror. I think the transmission is jacked up. Their fault I am sure. Nice! FUCK YOU TOO!

I call the shop and they are not taking anyone today or Tuesday. I work all day on Wednesday, so the earliest I can get her in is Thursday. Since I took off Monday, I won't get paid for Tuesday. I was going to work on Thursday to make up for Tuesday. Well, I am sure I will need both Thursday and Friday off now to get her fixed. Head swirling yet? Yeah, mine too.

I am so fucking annoyed right now! Why couldn't this have worked out a little better. It was going so well and then now she is running for shit. At least I can drive her until I can get her fixed, but I don't handle these things very well.

I am drinking myself into rehab tonight. I don't want to feel a thing.

I declare today Crap-Friday.

I am cranky. I am nervous. I am depressed. I spent Christmas alone (although I was invited places, I just wasn't in a social mood). I got no Christmas presents. I could not give any Christmas presents. I have only about $400.00 to my name. My rent is $415.00. My apartment is a mess and my folks are coming to visit today. My sink doesn't drain. I ran out of dryer sheets so my clothes will have static cling. My car is in the shop needing a possible $1,000.00 fix. So, I have no car thus no way to get to work Saturday. I will have to borrow money from my parents. I went to bed at Midnight and got up at 6 a.m. to take my car in by 7. Couldn't sleep -- too upset about car. I am waiting anxiously by the phone to hear what could be the worst news ever. Is it worth fixing if it is going to cost THAT much. It is a 1999. Maybe I should just get a new car. Yeah, with what money? The student loan people are hounding me because I owe them about $350.00 that is over 30 days late. When am I ever going to be able to stand on my own two feet financially. My parents aren't rich, they can't keep bailing me out. I don't want to be in debt anymore. I want a credit card that isn't maxed out that I can use during emergencies like this one. I want. I want. I want. I never ever get. Sorry folks, I know others have it worse than me. I am just blowing off some steam.

Merry Christmas Eve!

*thanks for the images Gigababy!

It is offical ...

I have lost all faith in humanity. Getting angry and yelling over a ... Whopper? You got to be fucking kidding me.

See what I am talking about HERE.

Dean Martin - Baby It's Cold Outside

Thanks Jen! That totally made my day. You are the best.

Tag, I'm it! (thanks jen...)

1. Eggnog or hot chocolate.
Hot chocolate! Eggnog is gross, even with the alcohol.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just put them under the tree?
Wrapped, definitely. I used to love gift wrapping so much as a youngin' that my sister would give me my own gifts to wrap (in a taped up box of course) and not tell me that they were for me until Christmas morning when all my gifts from her looked eerily familiar.

3. Colored or white lights on tree/house?
One or the other, but not mixed. I think colors on the house and white on the tree so that all the ornaments stand out better.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Only the really hokey plastic, 1970's mistletoe that we hang at my parents house.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Whenever I damn well please! I once got so lazy that when I finally got around to taking my decorations down, it was pretty much time to put them back up.

6. What is your holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Mom's cheesy potatoes. Hmm ... cheese ...

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child.
Planning out all the Christmas cookies my mom and I would make. We would put on some holiday music and bake to our hearts content. I was such a wonderful bonding time.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I honestly don't remember. I think it was Deana Davis, but I can't recall. I think I had been suspecting all along.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
One, and it is usually pajamas or slippers or some sort of sleeping uniform.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
Badly. I can never get the lights right! I have a lot of old family ornaments as well as some new ones. I really like simplicity and plain old bulbs.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it?
Love looking at it, don't mind driving or walking in it, HATE having to get up early to shovel it off my car.

12. Can you ice skate?
No, I think I would hurt someone if I tried.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Love. Damn, that is cheesy. Hmm ... cheesy potatoes ... *drool*

14. What’s the most important thing about the holidays for you?
Being with family and friends and having everyone happy and healthy.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?
Anything chocolate -- probably buckeyes or fudge.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
We don't really have many traditions anymore. It is sad really.

17. What tops your tree?
An angel that belonged to my grandparents. I could plug her in, but I worry about blowing up the whole tree.

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?
Honestly, giving. i love finding the perfect gift for someone. Something thoughtful that they will enjoy. Although getting what is on your list is admittedly pretty nice.

19. What is your favorite Christmas song?
“Baby it's cold outside" by Dean Martin. I have been humming it since turkey day.

20. Candy canes.
Are pretty, but I don't think I have ever been able to finish one. Sticky.

21. Favorite Christmas movie?
Is there anything better than "A Christmas Story"?

22. What do you leave for Santa?
Milk and cookies with a thank you note for all my presents.

(**yea, this still didn't get me in the holiday mood.**)

Homer Simpson For President

What bill did you put off to pay for that?

The above question was pretty much the worst of it when I told my parents about the new tattoo tonight. I figured I would tell them now instead of ruining Christmas. They were surprisingly alright about it. They were just relieved that I didn't have any piercings. Either they are getting old and tired ... or they have just come to the conclusion that I am a tattooed lady. Either way, I am super happy to know that this isn't going to cause a huge amount of drama. Once they see it though ... I am sure they will flip.

Now, I just have to get used to looking down and seeing it. A few times I get a wave of regret, then someone compliments me on it, and I realize again just how pretty it is. I guess it is like having an extra finger or something. It looks weird now, but eventually I won't even see it.

I am curious if anyone out there who has tattoos on their arms felt the same way at first? With my other tattoos, I can hide them. This one I can't hide and I think that is where the panic comes in.

By the way, you MUST click on this link here to see the most awesomely bad tattoo ever! You have to scroll down to the last picture, but trust me it is worth it. At least I didn't get that!!

Aww! You guys made me ink!

Sorry about the poor quality of the pictures of my new tattoo, but I think you guys get the idea. It is "forest green" which on my pale ass skin looks amazing! Like I had planned to, I got it at Fate Tattoo on High Street here in Columbus. The artist's name is Chris and he is really awesome should anyone ever want to get some work done, I highly recommend him. Once I get my bonus at work in February, I plan on going back to him to get my rose tattoo as well. It cost more than I expected (with the tip, 20% thankyouverymuch!, it was around $150.00) but you truly get what you pay for. I wish I had better pictures to show all the detail he put into it -- he really took his time drawing it up and doing it. I never dreamed he would be able to put the thorns on the vines, I just thought I would get the vines and that would be it!

It really is beautiful. Of course, me being me, I sometimes look at my arm and just revel over how pretty it is. At other times I look at it and I panic, "maybe I should have done it closer to my wrist!," "what the hell did I do to myself?," "Am I going to regret this later?," "My parents are going to fucking freak and I really don't want to deal with that." However, It was not a spur of the moment decision, like you all know. Also, having it further down my arm is kind of nice because I can hide it better. Plus, I always go through this panic mode and then end up loving the work. This is just the first one that is super visible. As far as regret ... I can't really see that happening. I don't regret any so far.

The next thing I have to deal with is people asking me why I got the design that I did. So let me take some time to explain it as simply as possible.
P.S. -- I included as many links as I could for those of you who are not familiar with the story of the Lord of the Rings (LOTR). Feel free to click on the pink highlighted words or phrases for more information.

1) If you read my blog, you know where the actual design comes from -- the inside of the doorway to Bagend in the Lord of the Rings. I never read the books until I saw the first of the movies, The Fellowship of the Ring. I loved the movie so much that I devoured the books and fell in love with them. I also began reading a lot about the author, J.R.R. Tolkien and was really blown away by how detailed this world was that he created. His story is really brilliant, and I could go on and on, but I won't bore you with it. My new love of the books and movies jump started my own personal writing. In high school and some college I was constantly writing stories and poetry. I got away from it due to the pressure of college and real life. I ended up having no real way to express myself anymore. It wasn't until this new world - Middle Earth - was shown to me that my creativity begin to flow (beginning with an RPG LOTR website). I will forever be grateful to Prof. Tolkien for giving me back the greatest gift -- my writing. I wanted a movie prop because it all began with watching the movie, and on my right wrist because well, I am right handed.

2) Candy. She and I are both LOTR nerds. If it wasn't for her, I would have never had anyone kick me in the ass to get a new job and start doing something that didn't make me miserable. That is why it was so important to have her there with me. I never told her Sunday night, but there was no one else I would rather have had be there. When I look at it, I will always remember her.
**good to know, right? If I ever ask you to go with me, there is a much deeper meaning behind the invite than just company.**

3) Metaphor. The personal battles I deal with on an everyday basis are certainly not as serious as saving the world from pure evil. However, I do feel as though I am on this long journey toward ... something. I was so overprotected as a child, that I am just now experiencing all of the learning and growing that many of you did in your teens. I love my mother, but nothing was ever good enough for her when it came to me. If I was in a school play and remembered all my lines, she would tell me it looked like I didn't know what I was doing with the dance number. I never developed any real self confidence or love for myself. It is her voice I hear when I begin worrying that I made a mistake getting this tattoo. All along the way of my life, like Frodo, I have times that I don't think that I can go on, that I will just look foolish doing the dance numbers. However, I am weak of heart, but strong of head. I want to be happy and live a long life, I want to be confident and sure of myself, but it is hard to face a constant uphill struggle. If it wasn't for all of the Samwise Gamgee's in my life, I would have stumbled and died a long time ago.

4) Allegory. "It’s dangerous business stepping out your door, Frodo. Once you take your first step there’s no telling where the path will take you." --Bilbo Baggins. I am beginning yet another adventure through my new job. It is very scary, and all along I wanted to quit and go back to Barnes and Noble. It is easier to be miserable than to try something new and possibly fail. However, I didn't give up. It isn't always easy at this new job, but I keep moving on. It sounds corny, but If Bilbo had never opened his door he would have never had the adventures he had and would have never become the person he became. Had I never shut the door on my previous job and walked through those big scary doors at Medco, I would have never become the woman that I am developing into.

I guess it is all about walking (or sometimes being shoved) through the doorways that we face in life.

WALK IN'S NOT WELCOME

I didn't get my tattoo today like I had hoped. I should have known better than to attempt a walk-in. Although they accept them, things get pretty crazy and so many people want elaborate work that they were booked. The good news is that one of the artists (Chris) was able to fit me in at the very end of the day on Sunday. So at 6pm I have a real live appointment.

He seemed really stoked to do the design, and I always liked FATE because I get such good vibes in there, have gotten work there before, and they are really respectful. I also like that they are totally disposable, meaning everything they use is disposable and thus uber-sanitary.

They are a little more pricey than what I thought they would be ($120 for a relatively small tat). However, when I look at the quality of work and the peace of mind of safety it is totally worth it. Plus Chris is a really cool guy who did one of my other tat's way back in the day, so that makes me even more excited than before.

It has been quite a few years since I have gotten a new tattoo so the high price could also reflect that. I wish I had an idea of when it was that I got my last one ... I was still in college, and friends with Lael, so we are looking at a good ... I don't know 6 or 7 years? Then I think they work I did was only $150 or so. Of course, what I got was not custom (it was a flash design) and long ago.

I think I will go back to get my rose tattoo in February. Originally I thought about going to a different shop to get it done by a woman artist, just to support females in the industry. However, I think Fate is going to be my permanent shop. Once I get the rose, the fat fairy will be next (maybe Chris can help design it), and then fixing my butterfly.

Damn it! I wish I was made of money so that I could get more work!!

Thank you Miguel!

I have this digital camera. I never used it because it isn't very good and I lost the USB cables to hook it up. I recently decided to try and make it work since I can't afford anything too fancy. If you remember, a while ago I took pictures with it when I went to Lake Erie and the Christmas Story house. Well, I have tried all over the place to find the right cords. I even went to Cord Camera to get help and the rude guy working there conned me into buying a memory card for $20 bucks that doesn't even seem to work with my camera.
Finally I came across a website called DC Cables. I e-mailed the site and the next day a very nice man named Miguel found the right cables I needed for my camera. I ordered the cables and they arrived today. I plugged everything in and about 5 minutes later I had my pictures transferred to my PC. They are awesome!! I am so happy. Here are a few of the better pictures from the list. The rest of the photos can be found right HERE.

Black Friday (THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING) at Wal-Mart

To all my retail worker brethren out there. Bless your hearts to have to deal with such shit. I know this is an old clip, but I don't think things have ever gotten any better. This is the first year in a good 10 years I haven't had to work Black Friday at a shitty retail job.

I couldn't be more thankful.

I wanna go to the PUG PARTY too!

I.Want.This.Damn.Dog. NOW!!!

Just a little light headed.

I went to the doctor today for my 6 month blood work check (Thyroid issues, nothing serious). For some reason, they always want to weigh my fat ass. Well, turns out I lost 11 pounds since last time! I believe it too since I can see some difference in my clothes. Of course, I am not doing anything special. I have just been so stressed out lately with the new job that I haven't been eating well/much. Plus, working the night shift, I pretty much only eat one meal a day. Since I haven't had much money or time to go to the grocery store, that means I usually eat some easy mac and crackers. Stress -- sometimes it does a body good.

By the way, anybody free on Thursday? I am ready for one of my tattoos and would love some moral support.

Fall is here and I am ready to fall out!

I am warning you right now that this post will probably make about as much sense as a kid with ADD all jacked up on pixie sticks.

Mmm...pixie sticks....

Anyway, I just wanted to update everyone on what has been going on with me lately as I haven't been posting in awhile and haven't been online for awhile.

As you all know, I have been training for a new job at Medco. Now that training is over, I had to leave my cushy Monday through Friday 8:30-5pm shift and go to a lousy Monday, Tuesday Wednesday, Friday, Saturday 3:30pm to Midnight shift. Ugh!!

I have to admit that I love the traffic, but with the season change, I never seem to see the sun. Overall, I really like the job and it is getting easier and easier everyday. I really don't miss working at the bookstore. However, I miss my friends! I mean, I have people who I can eat lunch with and talk to at Medco, and everyone is really nice. However, at the bookstore I forged life long friendships for those 7 years. I miss seeing those people everyday or so. I know I will stay friends with many of them, but I guess I am just a little depressed and am finding it hard to adjust to making new friends and not seeing my old friends as frequently as I am used to.

The fact that this night shift is killing me is kind of amusing. I used to be able to stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning and sleep until 2 in the afternoon, no problem. I used to be able to function on 5 hours of sleep. Yeah, I am officially old now. Those days are long gone! Going to bed at 2am is just not as fun as it used to be.

Of course, all employees had to request a shift bid just recently. Basically what happened is we were all giving a rank number based on tenure. Mine was 506. Then, we had to look at all of the available shifts and rank them 1-506. Yes. I had to look over 506 different schedule combinations and rank my preference. 506 of them. Did I mention there were over 506 combinations? Once we ranked everything, we submitted our bid and waited. It was like Medco Roulette. I could have gone from 3:30-midnight to something much better ... or worse. Believe me, there was worse (split shifts, graveyard, etc).

Alas, once my body gets used to this 3:30-midnight, I will begin my new schedule. Officially November 26th. I really can't complain too much since it could have been much worse. I will be working M T W 8:30-7pm, Sat 3:30pm-2am. Working 4 ten-hour days is kind of nice, but that overnight Saturday shift is going to be awful. At least we are really slow those hours!

Poodle Exercise with Humans

This bitches are so fat!

NBC: 60th Anniversary Celebration-Dreamgirls

To the left, to the left. Oops! I mean your other left.

Hey Bitches! I just wanted you to know that I took some time to painstakingly update my links. Some sites I don't visit anymore and there are more that I needed to add because I just can't live without them. So, if you have a free minute, check them out and let them know that Lothian sent you.

By the way, what the fuck is up with Google Images? I typed in "updated links" and I got a Che Gue-gnome-vara!

Friends don't let friends text message while drunk or coked up on cold medicine.

So, this weekend was the annual Halloween party thrown by some friends of mine. Did I have a good time? No. Why? Because I was stuck home with the fucking plague or whatever I have. While my friends were getting dressed up and drunk, I was stuck at home getting coked up on cold medicine and admiring my snot.

At 11:38 pm the fun really started (for me anyways). I started getting text messages from my friends at the party. One of my gays dressed up like Ugly Betty and one of my straight girlfriends was a pregnant cheerleader. The following conversation via text message transpired. You will probably be confused (but I will try to clarify anything in purple). And you will probably be offended ... oh well.

Enjoy!


11:38 (pregnant cheerleader) - Hey how r u feeling? I'm drunk! Miss you!

11:40 (Lothian) - Shitty. Wish I was drunk with you.

11:46 (P.C.) - Ron {Ugly Betty} met Dirty Sanchez!

11:48 (Lothian) - Yuck! Now I am glad I didn't go.

11:49 (P.C.) - Betty says ur a bitch!

11:51 (Lothian) - Tell Betty to suck my dick. Wait, she may like that...

11:58 (P.C.) - How bout his beaver?

12:00 (Lothian) - Cooter is totally fine as long as it is shaved like britneys!

12:01 (P.C.) - U mean as long as its shavd like urs. {I was supposed to go dressed as brit}

12:03 (Lothian) - I have decided 2 let it grow long. The crabs need a place to live! Plus, I like braiding it.

12:05 (P.C.) - My water just broke!

12:07 (Lothian) - Well, go push it out on the toilet & hide it in a dumpster! You got partying to do!

(Ugly Betty sends me a video)

12:26 (Lothian) - I told you! No pix of your penis. only your vajay-jay! {pregnant cheerleader once dated a boy who got really drunk and kept texting her pictures of his penis - to her horror.}

12:27 (Ugly Betty) - That was my vajina bitch! {yes, the gays can't spell vagina}

12:28 (Lothian) - Sorry. It's been a while since I have seen one so purty!

12:30 (U.B.) - I thought you saw {pregnant cheerleader's} last nite?

12:32 (Lothian) - I couldn't see much -- too much fur. Just how I like it!

12:33 (U.B.) - GROSS. I'm gonna have nightmares.

12:36 (Lothian) - Homosexuality is beautiful & natural! You should really try it some time.

12:37 (U.B.) - I'm a Republican. We don't do that! Sinner!

12:38 (Lothian) - Fornicator hater!


Thank goodness for modern technology! What did we ever do without it?

Caught In The Act

I am posting this for no good reason. It just made me giggle.

ROCK LOBSTER

Yeah, I had a GREAT time at the Renaissance Faire!

Was it supposed to be hot today?


No, really. I don't need any sunscreen, thanks.

The Brule Report - Digestion Problems

So fucking adorable!

I have so much to update ya'll on, but I just don't have time. However, I HAD TO send along this e-mail. My parents just recently got internet service on their computer for the first time ever. The whole e-mail, internet, computer stuff is pretty new to them. They are doing really well at it and totally making an effort to learn, which makes me very proud.

Anyway, I just had to show you the adorable e-mail I just got from my Daddy. I couldn't figure out a way to screen shot it, so I just copied and pasted and included it at the bottom of this post. Isn't that the most fucking PRECIOUS thing you have ever read??!!

I am a wreck tonight! First Ron tells me to remember that everyone loves me, and then I open my e-mail and see this little note. I tell you, I am seriously in tears from the love and sweetness of it all. Stephanie, I need to borrow some damn insulin.

My parents are so cute. Welcome to the internet superhighway daddy. I love you and miss you.

(p.s.- I didn't have to go to court, I only had a speeding ticket to which I had to show proof of insurance since I didn't have it at the time of issue.)

He wrote:

"Going to send you and e mail spelling may not be right wood like to know how court went

phone does not work jen is havening house trouble will work it out trying sell it on her befour her leese is out love your dad."

Just go there. Trust me.

http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1184428019

Overwhelmed!

So, the new job is going really well. I didn't post yesterday because I needed a copy of my birth certificate by this morning, so I had to drive about 1 hour 45 minutes to Lodi, Ohio (Wooster) to pick it up from my folks who also drove 1 hour 45 minutes to meet me there. Needless to say, I was exhausted.

I still haven't gotten enough sleep, so I am not going to post all the boring details of training just yet. My brain is filled to capacity and I am feeling quite overwhelmed. I think I am at that point where I start worrying if I can really do the job or not. Did I make the right decision? I know I just need to plow through those feelings and stick it out. It will get better. I will update you more as I recover and get more time to blog.

I haven't gotten many ideas or opinions on the friendship tattoo yet! I am chomping at the bit to get it done, so please participate. Remember, this is YOUR tattoo. You get to design it. You get to torture me with it.

Have fun and let me know what you think.

Stewed, screwed, and tattooed.

I have done some research and found out that the pink rose symbolizes friendship. Since I love the old sailor style tattoo look, what do you think about some of these ideas?

Remember, this is YOUR tattoo, so help me decide.



I kind of like this second one too. I wouldn't get the heart or the swallow, but I like the idea of the pink rose with a banner underneath. Maybe with "2007", "true friends", "friendship", "hag harem" or something like that written in. The more I look at it, the more I like it. What do you think?

Huh?

Yeah, So I wasn't yelling in the "screwed, blued and Tattooed" post below. I attempted to put the word "so" in bold and large print but got the rest of the post in bold instead. I tried to but couldn't fucking fix it. Oh well, just know that I didn't intend for it to be loud. Hee hee!

Screwed, blued and tattooed.

Okay, so I was watching L.A. Ink the other night and got inspired. Originally I was going to wait to get a new tattoo until after I lost 25 pounds. Well, I am still not on track with that. Plus, I really want to get a tat of a fat fairy which makes more sense to get when I lose the weight. So, we need to schedule a time so that everyone can come with me to get my new tattoos. Yes, I said tattoos as in more than one!

The first one:
What I had originally thought about getting was the design that is seen on the inside of the door to Bagend in the Lord of the Rings movies. Here is a shot of what it looks like:

I was thinking of getting it on the inside of my wrist in green. So, why this strange idea? Well, first of all, starting a new job is like opening a new door. Also, once I saw the first film of the trilogy I began reading the books and was hooked. It was as if I had discovered my own little fantasy world. My own little "happy place" that I had been wishing for my whole life.

More importantly it inspired me to start writing again and reading more into the world JRR Tolkien created which is just amazing. Having this inked on the inside of my right wrist would symbolize to me the opening of new doors both creatively and spiritually. Had I not taken the leap and applied, I would have never found a new job that will hopefully pull me out of the hole I am in both emotionally and financially. Had I not discovered Tolkien's world, you would probably not be reading this blog right now and I would have lost something that I always loved doing and held so dear -- writing. It is not a fan tattoo as much as it is something deeply personal that was brought out by a book.

The second one:
This one I am going to need your help on. Basically, I want to get something to symbolize the friendships that I have. You have no idea how much you have helped me through this year. It brings tears to my eyes to think about how wonderful my friends have been and how much they have helped me and pulled me through the rough times. I don't think I could have survived (and keep surviving) if it wasn't for you.

Originally I thought about getting something like: H H or H 2007 H . HH for Hag Harem, which is funny but really does cover about 90% of the people who have helped me through everything. However, Hag Harem really doesn't cover them all.

I thought about getting this:

Which is the Chinese symbol of friendship. Although nice, it really doesn't do justice to the love and support I have felt from you all. Plus, Chinese symbols are so cliche. If I have to, I will do it but I really wanted something a little ... more.

SO that means that you bitches have an assignment. Please help me find something to symbolize our friendship. I still sort of like the Hag Harem idea, but I don't want to leave anyone out. Please rack your brains and send me any and all ideas. God knows I am a big girl and all, but I don't have enough room to get all your names tattooed on my ass.

I would also like to take this time to show some love to everyone who has shown me love, kindness, and support throughout this year. I really don't know if I could have survived it without you and I really mean that. I am not just giving out some Hallmark words here. I went through some really dark times and I am not sure I would be here still if it wasn't for the love and support of all of you. In no particular order, I would like to thank:


Tim & Ron, Candy & Matt, Renee, Stephanie, Donna, Anna, Erin, Tamra, Laura, Jamie, Allie, Kathy, Amy Newman, Maggie, Peg, Suzanne, Claudia, and of course my Mom and Dad.

*trust that if I forgot anyone, it was merely an unfortunate and accidental oversight*

Sucktastic

Alright, I am no Chris Crocker or anything. However I feel that I need to put my two cents in regarding Ms Spears' VMA performance. Yes, her lip syncing was horrible. Yes, she looked like a drugged up sad stripper.

What really pisses me off is the slack she has been getting about her body. Look at that above picture bitches, she looks awesome! Sure she isn't all ab-licious like she used to be, but her body is fine. I am sorry but this is what real women look like. I am no lesbian, but I prefer my ho's with a little meat on their bones. She looks healthy (well, as long as you don't look in her eyes) and she looks ....NORMAL.

I was seriously pissed off that they same magazines and TV shows that do reports on how scary thin Nicole Richie or the Olsen twins are talking about how fat Britney looks. They are creating an unattainable body ideal for young women everywhere. Should they look healthy like Brit and be called fat, or be anorexic like Richie and be called too thin? Do we want our young women to parade around with confidence in an un-perfect body, or waste away and fade away into a size 00? (check out that link by the way, if you want to be sickened.)

We need to stop attacking young people and celebrities about their bodies. Do I think Kate Moss is too skinny? Maybe. But I also think she is naturally a thin woman. Do I think Britney needs to lose a few pounds? I bet even doctors would agree that she is at a healthy weight for her frame. I just wanted to go on record as saying that I think Britney looks good and people should be ashamed of themselves for beating her up so much and calling her fat. So what if she was fat? Fat is fab it isn't a four letter word! You go Britters!!

Why can't women be allowed to be the shape that they naturally are without designers and tabloids attempting to erase them one pound at at time?!

We will never forget you.

I never thought I'd see the day

I never thought I would see the day when I could wave goodbye to the job I hate. Well, maybe wave a big fat middle finger. Basically, at my current job, they can not/will not give me full time hours. I made the decision that I had to give up finding my 'dream job' and just find any old job that I could get full time hours and still make a similar salary that I do now. I thought I would never find it.

Like Ron and his new job, this one kind of fell into my lap. I decided to try the Medco company since I have heard wonderful things about them. I really wanted to get out of customer service, but they had an advertisement for a customer service representative so on a whim I decided to apply online. I wasn't really thinking they would ever call. I assumed I would find some seasonal job somewhere and keep struggling.

I applied online with Medco on Tuesday and got a call the same day! Of course, I assumed the number that was calling was a bill collector so I ignored it. I couldn't get a hold of the woman on Wednesday, but talked with her on Thursday. I passed the telephone interview and was asked to come to an interview on Friday (today). I had a 2 hour dentist appointment in the morning, and then went to the interview at 12:30.

3 hours, a mock simulation "exam" and a piss test (drug screen) later, I am now an employee of Medco. Well, as long as my background check goes alright which I am sure it will.

Basically I will be taking customer telephone calls that are coming into this mail order pharmacy company. I will be making $1 more an hour than I am making now. In 90 days I will get another $1 raise. I will have 40 hours with plenty of overtime opportunities. I get full medical, dental and vision insurance plus a $0.00 co-pay on any personal prescriptions that I fill through the company. They offer domestic partner benefits and although I won't need to take advantage of that, I have huge respect for companies that offer it. They have 401k, tuition reimbursement, stock purchase plan, and work at home potential. They also offer monthly bonus opportunities as well!! They may not pay a whole lot, but the benefits are amazing. The people seemed really nice, and I will eventually have my own little cubical to work in (how cool is that?!) I also get paid weekly (on a Thursday) which is sweet! I will also have Sundays off (we are closed) and I haven't had a Sunday off in years!

The only downsides are: I will begin September 17th which means I can't give my current job proper 2 weeks notice. However, like my dad said, they would not hesitate to lay me off with no notice so why worry about them? The other downside is that after a week of training 8:30am-5, I will be working 3:30 - midnight. Blah!! They did make sure to accentuate the fact that the late shift will not be permanent and that within a few months it will get better.

Now I have the difficult task of being strong and confident -- not what I'm good at. I am grappling with so many questions and insecurities!! I know that I have made the jump before when I stepped down as a "Lead," now I just need to find that strength again.
Do I totally quit my current job or do I hang onto a few hours here and there in case Medco falls through?
What if I hate Medco with a passion and want to go back, will they take me?
Do I stay and work 1-2 days a week for extra cash and to keep the discount?
How do I transfer all my medical insurance? How the hell do you do a 401k? What the fuck is a cash balance retirement plan?
Am I going to make new friends there? Make any friends?
What about my friends at my current job? Will I lose them eventually because I won't be seeing them everyday?

Of course, my car broke down on the way home so my high was shit on. However, I really feel like things are looking up for me. I want to thank everyone who have been there for me supporting me and trying to help me find a new job. It was really everybody's good thoughts and positive energy that helped me get this opportunity and I will not let you down.

Bering Sea Bad Boys