Because it was a rough morning. (sorta NSFW)

Colin Farrell in all his Oscar glory.

Another one of Colin, just because.

Ryan Reynolds. Shirtless. Do I need a reason to post this?

Angelina Jolie is a twig, I could totally crush her.

Dominic Monaghan. Just one wish: My favorite Hobbit, LOST with me on a deserted island.

David Beckham in his panties. Not stuffed.

Adrien Brody: A fine actor. A fine piece of ass.

007? How about 911?

Becks again. Just because he is nude.

Javier Bardem. And to think I found totally nude shots and I didn't post them!

Where the hell have I been?

Yeah, I know. I have been missing for a while. I tried posting some videos discussing my hiatus, but apparently I didn't do something right because no one but me could view them. Oh well.

What happened is that I came down with Pneumonia. The urgent care doctor said it was either bronchitis or pneumonia. However, since I didn't respond very quickly to the antibiotics, I am pretty sure it was the latter. I was home sick for an entire week. I went to work on a Saturday, had Sunday off, went to urgent care on Monday and then didn't leave the apartment until Saturday again. I missed 3 days of work. I was so upset that I was going to get fired. Even though I had a doctor's excuse for missing work, I was still worried that since I had missed so many days already I would be fired.

I swear, all that worry and they still haven't said anything to me! My supervisor is a big queen, so I was hoping to work my hag magic on him. However he has yet to bring it up, and I don't go looking for trouble. (Even though it always finds me.)

I ended up having to work on my 30th birthday. I wasn't happy to be turning 30 anyway, and I was really upset because I had been planning on visiting my family until death decided to knock on my damn door. I have since then declared this my 3rd worst birthday ever.

What are the other two?

1) A few years ago I had to have my appendix removed. Luckily it was an urgent situation, but not an emergency situation. I was able to schedule the procedure. The next available (and only available) appointment time was February 23rd. My birthday. Needless to say I had this conversation a lot:

Q - "What is your date of birth, Ms. Lothian?"
A - "February 23rd 1978."
Q- "No not today's date, your date of birth."
A- "Yeah, that IS my date of birth."
Q- "You mean today is your birthday?"
A- "Yep."
Q- "You are having surgery on your BIRTHDAY? Why?"
A- "I thought it would be fun. Why the fuck do you think I am having it today?"

2) I celebrated my birthday in the hospital with my father after he had a massive heart attack and needed surgery. This would have been #1, except by the time my birthday came around his surgery had come and gone and he was expected to make a full recovery. (Which he did) I had spent every waking hour prior and during his surgery worrying about the fact that life would be impossible without him. It broke my heart to see him in so much pain. However, by the time the 23rd rolled around he was feeling much better. A nurse of his who had a beautiful singing voice sang "Happy Birthday" to me. However, his recovery was the best gift I could have gotten that year.

3) Of course, dying from pneumonia made the big 3-0 blow.


All that being said, I can't deny the fact that I did spend some time with Ron, Tim, Laura and Renee on Sunday after my birthday and had a lovely time. Tim made a delicious dinner and the most decadent birthday cake ever. He went out of his way to make me some vegetarian options (like he always does) and toiled in the kitchen for hours. It brought me to tears on the ride home thinking about how much love was in that room that night, and how worried everyone was about my health. Although I loved my gay man pot holder I got from Renee, I loved the love I received even more. The best gift I got was time to spend with my second family.

Rock and ...What!?

The Offspring
"You gotta' keep 'em separated"



You gotta' keep 'em separated

(Verse 1)

Like the latest fashion
Like a spreading disease
The kids are strappin' on their way to the classroom
Getting weapons with the greatest of ease

The gangs stake their own campus locale
And if they catch you slippin' then it's all over pal
If one guys colors and the others don't mix
They're gonna bash it up, bash it up, bash it up, bash it up...

(Chorus)

Hey - man you talkin' back to me?
Take him out
You gotta keep 'em separated

Hey - man you disrespecting me?
Take him out
You gotta keep 'em separated

Hey they don't pay no mind
If you're under 18 you won't be doing any time
Hey come out and play

(Verse 2)

By the time you hear the siren
It's already too late
One goes to the morgue and the other to jail
One guy's wasted and the other's a waste

*

It goes down the same as the thousand before
No one's getting smarter
No one's learning the score
Your never ending spree of death and violence and hate
Is gonna tie your own rope, tie your own rope, tie your own...

(Chorus)

(Repeat from *)

Random Thoughts

You know, it is really distracting trying to drive to work when in your peripheral vision is the grossest dropping of bird crap you have ever seen. I kept trying to keep my eyes on the road, but like a bad accident my eyes kept drifting back to the poo. Normally it has hardened and I could just roll my window down to remove it, however it was so substantial and juicy that I simply could not risk having this gift from a bird who clearly had a case of the flu flying into my face. Above is my view from inside.





I took this photo from the outside so that you could throughly enjoy the nuances of color within the poo. It was a poo masterpiece really. I am very impressed with the bird who left it for me. I wouldn't be surprised if it came from one of Steve's eagles.

Odie the Pug -

We first saw Odie on Montell, now he is back on Letterman. I luv woo too.

Talking pug

Poor quality video, but I love hearing them tell us what time it is. They kind of sound like my turkey ringtone!

From The Boss to The King. "Little Sister" by Elvis Presley

Well, I dated your big sister
And took her to a show
I went for some candy
Along came jim dandy
And they snuck right out of the door

Every time I see your sister
Well she's got somebody new
Shes mean and she's evil
Like that old boll weevil
Guess Ill try my luck with you

Well, I used to pull your pigtails
And pinch your turned-up nose
But you been a growin'
And baby, its been showin'
From your head down to your toes

Little sister, don't you
Little sister, don't you
Little sister, don't you kiss me once or twice
Then say its very nice
And then you run

Little sister, don't you
Do what your big sister done

Damn, did I say "upright" or "a fright"? Either way it works.

What can I say, I am sick. This video should have posted last. Oh well. Also, don't trip and get lost up my nose. Geez Lothian! You are a shitty cinematographer.

Part One

I have been ugly sick and make a video to prove it! Sorry for how dark it is, it's from my cell phone and if this works I will find a way to make the quality better.

Part Duex

Again, sorry for how ghastly dark it is! I think though, for your sake, not being able to see me very well is a good thing right now.

Rock and ...What!?

I was listening to the radio the other day and Peter Gabriel's song "Solsbury Hill" came on. I was driving in snow and ice at the time so I was concentrating and I wasn't belting out the tune like I normally do. I started to realize how poignant the lyrics were. I realized that there are many songs out there that I just blindly sing along with and never really pay attention to what the artist is singing.

Since I love music so much, I decided I would make a new ongoing feature to my blog called "Rock and ... What?!" Basically I want to take songs that I really like and find out the actual lyrics to them. Sometimes the lyrics may be really deep and poetic, lyrics that touched me personally, lyrics I realized are actually really stupid, or lyrics that are just really disturbing once you take them out of context and look at what is being said.

My first exhibit is the song "I'm on fire" by The Boss. I love the song, his voice in it, and the beat. However, looking at the lyrics .... well, let's just say I was kind of taken aback at what I had been singing all these years. I don't want to know what he thinks my daddy will or will not do to me that he can do. Ewww!

"I'm on Fire" by Bruce Springsteen

Hey little girl is your daddy home
Did he go away and leave you all alone
I got a bad desire
I'm on fire

Tell me now baby is he good to you
Can he do to you the things that I do
I can take you higher
I'm on fire

Sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby
edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley
through the middle of my soul

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
and a freight train running through the
middle of my head
Only you can cool my desire
I'm on fire

Counting train cars.

...And I just know that I will have a Valentine this year -- for the first time in 30 years.




(*Image taken from PostSecret. Thank you to whomever it was that shares my story.*)

I made it!

Well, I downgraded my health condition from "death on two legs" to "simply shitty". I made it to work today, but was miserable all day. If I am not wishing I could puke, then my body temperature is at 1,000 degrees, or my stomach is on fire. Toni Sue was kind enough to share that she too has gone through withdrawal symptoms as well. I guess I am just going to have to suck it up. I have the next two days off and may try to see my doctor if I can, otherwise I will remain miserable until I get better or end up in the hospital. ;)

I used the above picture today, because it is a shot of my sexy new phone I got in the mail from Verizon yesterday. My phone is green, but I am now wishing I chose orange. Oh well, typical me I can never make up my mind. I do love that my wallpaper option is a wine glass full of red wine. So me! It is cool though, and I am loving txt messaging now even more!

I also wanted to update everyone on my mom. If you remember, her doctor had us all in a terror because he said she had an over 75% blockage in her carotid artery and that she was in danger of a stroke. She took my advice (which I got from Ron) and got the CAT scan charge lowered so that she could afford to get it done. I really believe it was through your positive thoughts and prayers that when she got her CAT Scan results back they were much better than predicted. It turns out she only has a 15% blockage on one side, and a 51% blockage on the other. Apparently surgery isn't even an option until things get around 80% or so. Thank you all so very much for your support and well wishes. I am a firm believer in the power of positive thought and the power of prayer, and I really think everyone helped this situation turn out for the better.

One pill makes you smaller, one pill makes you tall...

I should be on my way to work right now. I should be fighting traffic and giggling at the Morning Zoo. I should be fine. However I am not. This is the second day I have had to call off work. Why? To be honest with you, I think I am going through drug withdrawal symptoms.

See, through my job I can get all my generic medications for free. I was taking the generic of Synthroid for a thyroid problem, and generic birth control pills, but my anti-depressant/anti-anxiety drug Effexor XR did not come in generic. However, the non-extended release version of the drug did. To save $30.00 a month, I chose to switch and take the medication twice a day instead of one extended release pill once a day.

I have been very worried about my mood since I was anticipating some sort of gradual change as I adjusted to the new medication. I was a little more weepy than usual, but I assumed that was due to aunt flo. I would have a few manic episodes, but overall my mood seemed pretty level. No thoughts of suicide, and no increase in panic attacks.

I had begun to get more tired and sluggish over the past few weeks, but didn't think much of it. However, this past Saturday night I began to feel really nauseous and developed a fever, and things have been downhill since then. I thought I had caught a bug of some kind. I went online to began researching side effects of Effexor because I have been noticing a certain change in my body that didn't go away over time (I will save you the details). As I was researching I began reading about withdrawal symptoms. Apparently Effexor is a hard ass drug to come off of and has to be done extremely gradually. Since I am a certified web MD, I diagnosed myself as having withdrawal symptoms even though I am still taking the medication, just differently. Fever, digestion problems, heartburn, tiredness, weakness, inability to sleep ... it makes sense.

The worst part is I will feel shitty for a few hours, then feel fine, then feel crappy again. Those times that I feel fine make me feel guilty about calling off work. I just can't bring myself to go to work to say "Thank you for calling, my name is 'Lothian', with whom am I speaking?" in a happy go lucky voice. During the times when I don't feel crappy, I feel like maybe I am just calling off of work because I am depressed. Actually, my life isn't so bad right now. I actually have some money in my bank account, and I am meeting some cute men online at at BBW dating website. The last thing I want to do is get fired from the job that started making things look up for me.

I think I am feeling alright mood-wise, but if any of you know depression, you know how tricky it can be. In the past I have thought I was sick, but all I needed was to get a shower and get out of the apartment. I think all people with depression have a vice -- eating to deal with the pain, smoking, drinking, etc. My vice is that I become a hermit. I need my personal time away from people which is why I could never have a roommate. However, sometimes this self imposed isolation becomes a real and serious side effect of my depression.

I don't know, I am just worried that I am going to have to go back on my old medication. I don't want to be a slave to medication. I understand that I will need to be on medication my whole life, but I don't want my life to be on medication. I see all these people calling in to reorder their medication and they are on 13 or 14 pills. Some people are on 3 or 4 different painkillers, or on one pill to counteract the effects of another pill.

I think many people are being over medicated in this world. Personally, I know my doctor is a pill pusher. I like her, but no matter what I go to see her for, she has a medicine I can take for it. Then we wonder why seemingly perfectly healthy men like Heath Ledger drop dead. No disrespect to him or his family, but didn't he have 2-3 different sleeping pills prescribed to him? I am not saying he was an addict, but what I am saying is maybe our medical community needs to be a little more careful and conscious of what they give us. We put all our faith in doctors to make us better, and I think a lack of time and caring has led them to simply not care as much as they should. (Don't get my started on how many times I hear, "my doctor doesn't fax prescriptions", "He said won't write me a short term supply of medication", "He says he doesn't get paid to call you and discuss drug interactions", "She charges me for every prescription she writes for me", "They don't answer the phones at the clinic or return faxes.")

I know some of you prefer when I write funny or lighthearted things. I am sorry folks, I am just not feeling lighthearted right now. I could go on and on about the price of medication and how sometimes people simply can't afford to take what they need to to live. I could go on and on about Medicare and how it is a crock of shit. I could go on and on about how seeing Jeff Conaway on Celebrity Rehab scares the shit out of me. However, I don't want to bore you. Plus my stomach is turning again and I need to lay down. Hopefully I will be able to drag myself to work on Wednesday -- I simply can't call off anymore.

What's your problem Jumbotron?

Oh dear God, I am so glad the sexy men of LOST are back, shirtless and wet!

And I thank you for your support.

So I am a little embarrassed that I haven't been posting as much as I would like to lately. I know some people enjoy reading my blog and check it on a regular basis (hello Jen!) and I always mean to post, I just get distracted.

I decided to steal one of Jen's ideas, tweak it a little, and talk a bit about some of the sites I visit on a regular basis and the people who run them. I have been wanting to post about my new online friendships that I have developed and how they have profoundly affected me. I really appreciate you all and want to thank you for your support and companionship.

The Redneck Romance Writer - Jen, thank you for being such a generous and kind person. You have shown me that not all romance books are trite -- I have 'certain' pages dogeared in my Heart of the Storm book! Your thoughtfulness and compassion has gone beyond anything that I would expect or deserve. I truly hope we can keep in touch for a long, long time.

A Sense of Place - Steve, thank you for showing me that Alaska really is as beautiful as it is in my dreams. Thank you for inspiring me to take more photographs and to see the natural beauty in this world. I thought of you the other day as I was driving down a four lane highway in rush hour. For a quick moment, I happened to glance over to my left and I saw 3 of the most beautiful deer grazing along the side of the road -- I had a wonderful rest of my day knowing that I don't have to escape to Alaska to see beauty (though it would be nice!).

Deadliest Reports - Opilia, thank you for all of your hard work in keeping me up to date on all that is Deadliest Catch. You include some of the most interesting facts and information about Alaska, and you have unintentionally brought many of us together.

Sue's Random Ramblings - Hey girl, we haven't been speaking very long, but I find your site very interesting and fun. You have left some very nice and kind messages on my blog and I really appreciate that. You seem like a lovely person, and I can't wait to get to know you better!

Gigababy's Buffet - Giga (I love calling you that!) thank you for keeping me laughing and crying at the same time. On a serious note, thank you for opening my eyes and making me truly think about the people who are killed everyday in car accidents, and about those who are left behind. I always had a speed problem, but the things that I read on your site were a cold slap in the face to slow down. As a gift to you and all of those who have or have not lost someone to the road, I recently vowed to slow down and become a better, more considerate driver. I may not get to work on time, but at least I get there -- and everyone else does too.

Blah Blah Blog! - I am only including this site because I visit it everyday, however Ron is a "real life" friend as well as an online friend. I have known Ron and Tim for a few years now and they are the best friends I have ever had. I have never felt more loved and taken care of than I do when I am with them. Thank you for your kindness and open hearted nature. Thank you for your support and always being just a phone call away. If I can be half as good of a person and a friend as you guys are, I will be lucky indeed.

There are other sites that I visit everyday but I don't chat with the folks running them. I have come to know the above people and have come to really care for them. If you would have told me a few years ago that I would develop friendships with people from all over the world who I may never meet, I would have thought you were crazy. However, NOW I truly see how wonderful the internet can be.

**...and I promise to post more regularly!**

RIP

Roseanne Barr on Graham Norton

I stole this clip from gigababy, but I don't care. I can't wait to visit this new town. NSFW.

Hey Fucktard,

Dearest fucktard,
Hello. I have a few questions for you. Did you not see the car that was sitting diagonally in the lane up ahead. You know the one, it had the front end all crushed in. Did you miss those pretty red and blue flashing lights blocking that entire lane? Did you happen to miss all the debris across the road?

Yeah, probably not. I could see how you could have missed all that. However, the problem is that I was trying to merge onto I71 from I270. As you know, there really isn't much space to do so. This mashed up car, debris, police car, and person walking around were totally blocking the lane I was in and I was forced to merge into the lane next to me.

Now last time I checked, it was legal to turn on my turn signal, check my mirrors and merge into a lane. I know you would have preferred that I slam my car into the police cruiser and the crushed up car. I know it would have been more convenient for you if I would have not used my legal right to merge into YOUR lane (you know, your personal driving lane) and just slammed into the people walking around killing them instantly. I know that it would have been easier for you to have me drive over some glass or broken metal and bust my tires.

You are far more important than I am, I understand this. I mean, clearly you had somewhere you desperately needed to be at 7:30pm on a Tuesday night. I should have never dreamed of asking you to ensure the safety of all involved, and move over to the furthest lane possible. How dare I assume YOU would allow me to legally and safely merge into your lane without getting some reprimand for my actions.

Did you see me wave when you laid on your horn? I did it with one finger.

sincerely,
the apparent pain in the ass whose New Year's resolution is to drive more safely

yep.

First, the good news.

So, my little Jenny-Pooh tagged me, so I guess I got to think up some weird facts about myself. This should be interesting and difficult!

The rules:
Link to the person who tagged you;
Leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours;
Post the rules on your blog;
Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog;
Tag 7 random people at the end of your post;
Include links to their blogs;
Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

Here we go:

1) I have always wanted to be singer and actress. However, I am too shy to be an actress and I can't carry a tune in a bucket!! That doesn't stop me from belting out along with Tori Amos. Canines everywhere probably hate me.

2) I went through a period in my senior year of High School (and some of college) where I thought I was bi-sexual. Those thoughts came from childhood trauma mixed with fear of the unknown when it comes to my sexuality and men. I have since changed my mind, but I reserve the right to change it back at any time! ;)

3) Although an animal activist and vegetarian for almost 10 years, I LOVE to go fishing. Fishing was a great bonding time that I spent with my daddy as a child and I simply can't get away from it. For a while, I refused to do it because of my beliefs and I haven't been fishing in years (unless you count fishing on the Cornelia Marie in my dreams) But damn it, it is fun. I feel so ashamed sometimes, and sometimes I just want to throw the catch back and re bait my hook.

4) In related news, I love the water. I can't be without it. Sometimes I think I am a mermaid or siren of some kind. However, I am more of a pool side or lake girl as I have only had one experience with the ocean. It was in Florida and let's just say, she kicked my cocky ass across the beach and shoved sand so far up my ... well, let's just say I was pooping pearls for a week.

5) Keeping with the nautical theme I will confess something else. Something Steve will appreciate I am sure. Yes, I am a vegetarian. However I have tasted crab recently and found that I love it. I only had tiny bites, mind you. And goodness knows I haven't had the pleasure of Alaskan King Crab, but damn that stuff is good. I will do my best to not fall off the wagon, though.

6) I was voted most unique in High School. I think it should have been weirdest kid, but none the less my peers knew I was odd. I took my senior pictures at Walmart and the one I had them publish involved me holding a white candle, wearing all black, with an all black background. Part of me is really embarrassed by the picture now, and part of me is proud that I took the risk and decided to do something different and unconventional.

7) (This was easier than I thought) One year I got so lazy that by the time I took my Christmas decorations down, I had a month before I needed to put them up again!

Well, I don't have 7 people to tag, but here are two. I tag Ron and Donna.

When it rains, it pours.

I just found out last night that my mother needs surgery. Not just any kind of surgery either, but major surgery. Basically it turns out that she has about a 75% blockage in her carotid artery. The doctor wants her to have an MRI or CAT scan to determine things further. This doesn't come as much of a shock since her father had a stroke and her mother died from hardening of the arteries.

The problem is that my parents don't have any insurance. None. Mom works part time at Joanne Etc, but she doesn't think that insurance would pay for something pre-existing if she applies for it now. My father's factory shut down a few years ago and left all those men without jobs and insurance. Both are too young for social security so they are struggling financially. Of course, they tell me this AFTER they give me $1300 dollars to help fix my car.

It is at the point where my mother doesn't want to have the surgery because of the money and the risk. Apparently there is a huge risk of the blockage breaking off and rushing to the brain and killing the patient. What do I say to that? Of course I want her to get better and I don't want her to risk having a stroke. God knows what kind of condition a stroke would leave her in.

My question to you all is this. I know a lot of my readers have had insurance issues in the past and have either gone without or have gotten some sort of supplemental coverage. Does anyone out there have any ideas what they can do to help pay for all of this? Of course your thoughts and prayers are also very much needed and appreciated at this time too.

Logan, the Sky Angel Cowboy

Wow. This made me cry. He was just what I needed right now. I am not commenting on religion here as I don't speak about what my faith is or is not. However, the love and strength of this little boy was overwhelming to me and I thought I would share pass it along. I don't think about the God/religion part. Think about the purity and gentleness of his words.

POT USA

Everyone I know is taking this quiz, so I thought I would too just to see how it comes out. I was sort of surprised at the results and even at my answers. I would have thought Hilary Clinton would have been higher on the list as Barack Obama is apparently not as gay friendly as we would like him to be. As you can tell, I am a bleeding heart liberal who still has no clue who to vote for. Don't worry, I won't let an online quiz decide for me who to vote for. It should be interesting.

85% Barack Obama
84% John Edwards
83% Hillary Clinton
82% Chris Dodd
81% Bill Richardson
78% Dennis Kucinich
77% Joe Biden
76% Mike Gravel
52% Rudy Giuliani
37% John McCain
34% Mitt Romney
31% Tom Tancredo
27% Mike Huckabee
21% Fred Thompson
14% Ron Paul

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

Jingle cats

I hope everyone had a safe and fun New Year's Eve! I know I did. I got my much needed drink on, and had a comfy couch to crash on. THEN pancakes in the morning. Can't start the new year off better than that!

I AM GOING TO FUCKING LOSE IT!!

So, I thought my luck had turned around. I was able to pick up my car today instead of Wednesday. It was only going to cost $761.00. Ron had time to pick me up at Budget car rental so I could drop off the rental early and get some money back. Things felt good.

I called off work today so that I would have plenty of time to pick up the car if they called today. I went to Budget at 12:10 to drop off the rental. Oh, we closed at noon. We won't be back until Wednesday and won't check the car in until then. Yes, we will charge you until Wednesday. FUCK YOU! Fine, I leave the car there. I don't need it, right? Big mistake.

Ron takes me to the shop to get Scarlet. I am feeling happy to be done with car drama even if I have to pay for 2 days of car rental that I didn't use. Pick up car, pay for it and start it up. Huh? She sounds like a freight train. Suddenly it sounds like I am driving a sick Harley motorcycle or something. I drive her home and she is shaking so bad I can barely see out of the rear view mirror. I think the transmission is jacked up. Their fault I am sure. Nice! FUCK YOU TOO!

I call the shop and they are not taking anyone today or Tuesday. I work all day on Wednesday, so the earliest I can get her in is Thursday. Since I took off Monday, I won't get paid for Tuesday. I was going to work on Thursday to make up for Tuesday. Well, I am sure I will need both Thursday and Friday off now to get her fixed. Head swirling yet? Yeah, mine too.

I am so fucking annoyed right now! Why couldn't this have worked out a little better. It was going so well and then now she is running for shit. At least I can drive her until I can get her fixed, but I don't handle these things very well.

I am drinking myself into rehab tonight. I don't want to feel a thing.

I declare today Crap-Friday.

I am cranky. I am nervous. I am depressed. I spent Christmas alone (although I was invited places, I just wasn't in a social mood). I got no Christmas presents. I could not give any Christmas presents. I have only about $400.00 to my name. My rent is $415.00. My apartment is a mess and my folks are coming to visit today. My sink doesn't drain. I ran out of dryer sheets so my clothes will have static cling. My car is in the shop needing a possible $1,000.00 fix. So, I have no car thus no way to get to work Saturday. I will have to borrow money from my parents. I went to bed at Midnight and got up at 6 a.m. to take my car in by 7. Couldn't sleep -- too upset about car. I am waiting anxiously by the phone to hear what could be the worst news ever. Is it worth fixing if it is going to cost THAT much. It is a 1999. Maybe I should just get a new car. Yeah, with what money? The student loan people are hounding me because I owe them about $350.00 that is over 30 days late. When am I ever going to be able to stand on my own two feet financially. My parents aren't rich, they can't keep bailing me out. I don't want to be in debt anymore. I want a credit card that isn't maxed out that I can use during emergencies like this one. I want. I want. I want. I never ever get. Sorry folks, I know others have it worse than me. I am just blowing off some steam.

Merry Christmas Eve!

*thanks for the images Gigababy!

It is offical ...

I have lost all faith in humanity. Getting angry and yelling over a ... Whopper? You got to be fucking kidding me.

See what I am talking about HERE.

Dean Martin - Baby It's Cold Outside

Thanks Jen! That totally made my day. You are the best.

Tag, I'm it! (thanks jen...)

1. Eggnog or hot chocolate.
Hot chocolate! Eggnog is gross, even with the alcohol.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just put them under the tree?
Wrapped, definitely. I used to love gift wrapping so much as a youngin' that my sister would give me my own gifts to wrap (in a taped up box of course) and not tell me that they were for me until Christmas morning when all my gifts from her looked eerily familiar.

3. Colored or white lights on tree/house?
One or the other, but not mixed. I think colors on the house and white on the tree so that all the ornaments stand out better.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Only the really hokey plastic, 1970's mistletoe that we hang at my parents house.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Whenever I damn well please! I once got so lazy that when I finally got around to taking my decorations down, it was pretty much time to put them back up.

6. What is your holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Mom's cheesy potatoes. Hmm ... cheese ...

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child.
Planning out all the Christmas cookies my mom and I would make. We would put on some holiday music and bake to our hearts content. I was such a wonderful bonding time.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I honestly don't remember. I think it was Deana Davis, but I can't recall. I think I had been suspecting all along.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
One, and it is usually pajamas or slippers or some sort of sleeping uniform.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
Badly. I can never get the lights right! I have a lot of old family ornaments as well as some new ones. I really like simplicity and plain old bulbs.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it?
Love looking at it, don't mind driving or walking in it, HATE having to get up early to shovel it off my car.

12. Can you ice skate?
No, I think I would hurt someone if I tried.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Love. Damn, that is cheesy. Hmm ... cheesy potatoes ... *drool*

14. What’s the most important thing about the holidays for you?
Being with family and friends and having everyone happy and healthy.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?
Anything chocolate -- probably buckeyes or fudge.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
We don't really have many traditions anymore. It is sad really.

17. What tops your tree?
An angel that belonged to my grandparents. I could plug her in, but I worry about blowing up the whole tree.

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?
Honestly, giving. i love finding the perfect gift for someone. Something thoughtful that they will enjoy. Although getting what is on your list is admittedly pretty nice.

19. What is your favorite Christmas song?
“Baby it's cold outside" by Dean Martin. I have been humming it since turkey day.

20. Candy canes.
Are pretty, but I don't think I have ever been able to finish one. Sticky.

21. Favorite Christmas movie?
Is there anything better than "A Christmas Story"?

22. What do you leave for Santa?
Milk and cookies with a thank you note for all my presents.

(**yea, this still didn't get me in the holiday mood.**)

Homer Simpson For President

What bill did you put off to pay for that?

The above question was pretty much the worst of it when I told my parents about the new tattoo tonight. I figured I would tell them now instead of ruining Christmas. They were surprisingly alright about it. They were just relieved that I didn't have any piercings. Either they are getting old and tired ... or they have just come to the conclusion that I am a tattooed lady. Either way, I am super happy to know that this isn't going to cause a huge amount of drama. Once they see it though ... I am sure they will flip.

Now, I just have to get used to looking down and seeing it. A few times I get a wave of regret, then someone compliments me on it, and I realize again just how pretty it is. I guess it is like having an extra finger or something. It looks weird now, but eventually I won't even see it.

I am curious if anyone out there who has tattoos on their arms felt the same way at first? With my other tattoos, I can hide them. This one I can't hide and I think that is where the panic comes in.

By the way, you MUST click on this link here to see the most awesomely bad tattoo ever! You have to scroll down to the last picture, but trust me it is worth it. At least I didn't get that!!

Aww! You guys made me ink!

Sorry about the poor quality of the pictures of my new tattoo, but I think you guys get the idea. It is "forest green" which on my pale ass skin looks amazing! Like I had planned to, I got it at Fate Tattoo on High Street here in Columbus. The artist's name is Chris and he is really awesome should anyone ever want to get some work done, I highly recommend him. Once I get my bonus at work in February, I plan on going back to him to get my rose tattoo as well. It cost more than I expected (with the tip, 20% thankyouverymuch!, it was around $150.00) but you truly get what you pay for. I wish I had better pictures to show all the detail he put into it -- he really took his time drawing it up and doing it. I never dreamed he would be able to put the thorns on the vines, I just thought I would get the vines and that would be it!

It really is beautiful. Of course, me being me, I sometimes look at my arm and just revel over how pretty it is. At other times I look at it and I panic, "maybe I should have done it closer to my wrist!," "what the hell did I do to myself?," "Am I going to regret this later?," "My parents are going to fucking freak and I really don't want to deal with that." However, It was not a spur of the moment decision, like you all know. Also, having it further down my arm is kind of nice because I can hide it better. Plus, I always go through this panic mode and then end up loving the work. This is just the first one that is super visible. As far as regret ... I can't really see that happening. I don't regret any so far.

The next thing I have to deal with is people asking me why I got the design that I did. So let me take some time to explain it as simply as possible.
P.S. -- I included as many links as I could for those of you who are not familiar with the story of the Lord of the Rings (LOTR). Feel free to click on the pink highlighted words or phrases for more information.

1) If you read my blog, you know where the actual design comes from -- the inside of the doorway to Bagend in the Lord of the Rings. I never read the books until I saw the first of the movies, The Fellowship of the Ring. I loved the movie so much that I devoured the books and fell in love with them. I also began reading a lot about the author, J.R.R. Tolkien and was really blown away by how detailed this world was that he created. His story is really brilliant, and I could go on and on, but I won't bore you with it. My new love of the books and movies jump started my own personal writing. In high school and some college I was constantly writing stories and poetry. I got away from it due to the pressure of college and real life. I ended up having no real way to express myself anymore. It wasn't until this new world - Middle Earth - was shown to me that my creativity begin to flow (beginning with an RPG LOTR website). I will forever be grateful to Prof. Tolkien for giving me back the greatest gift -- my writing. I wanted a movie prop because it all began with watching the movie, and on my right wrist because well, I am right handed.

2) Candy. She and I are both LOTR nerds. If it wasn't for her, I would have never had anyone kick me in the ass to get a new job and start doing something that didn't make me miserable. That is why it was so important to have her there with me. I never told her Sunday night, but there was no one else I would rather have had be there. When I look at it, I will always remember her.
**good to know, right? If I ever ask you to go with me, there is a much deeper meaning behind the invite than just company.**

3) Metaphor. The personal battles I deal with on an everyday basis are certainly not as serious as saving the world from pure evil. However, I do feel as though I am on this long journey toward ... something. I was so overprotected as a child, that I am just now experiencing all of the learning and growing that many of you did in your teens. I love my mother, but nothing was ever good enough for her when it came to me. If I was in a school play and remembered all my lines, she would tell me it looked like I didn't know what I was doing with the dance number. I never developed any real self confidence or love for myself. It is her voice I hear when I begin worrying that I made a mistake getting this tattoo. All along the way of my life, like Frodo, I have times that I don't think that I can go on, that I will just look foolish doing the dance numbers. However, I am weak of heart, but strong of head. I want to be happy and live a long life, I want to be confident and sure of myself, but it is hard to face a constant uphill struggle. If it wasn't for all of the Samwise Gamgee's in my life, I would have stumbled and died a long time ago.

4) Allegory. "It’s dangerous business stepping out your door, Frodo. Once you take your first step there’s no telling where the path will take you." --Bilbo Baggins. I am beginning yet another adventure through my new job. It is very scary, and all along I wanted to quit and go back to Barnes and Noble. It is easier to be miserable than to try something new and possibly fail. However, I didn't give up. It isn't always easy at this new job, but I keep moving on. It sounds corny, but If Bilbo had never opened his door he would have never had the adventures he had and would have never become the person he became. Had I never shut the door on my previous job and walked through those big scary doors at Medco, I would have never become the woman that I am developing into.

I guess it is all about walking (or sometimes being shoved) through the doorways that we face in life.

WALK IN'S NOT WELCOME

I didn't get my tattoo today like I had hoped. I should have known better than to attempt a walk-in. Although they accept them, things get pretty crazy and so many people want elaborate work that they were booked. The good news is that one of the artists (Chris) was able to fit me in at the very end of the day on Sunday. So at 6pm I have a real live appointment.

He seemed really stoked to do the design, and I always liked FATE because I get such good vibes in there, have gotten work there before, and they are really respectful. I also like that they are totally disposable, meaning everything they use is disposable and thus uber-sanitary.

They are a little more pricey than what I thought they would be ($120 for a relatively small tat). However, when I look at the quality of work and the peace of mind of safety it is totally worth it. Plus Chris is a really cool guy who did one of my other tat's way back in the day, so that makes me even more excited than before.

It has been quite a few years since I have gotten a new tattoo so the high price could also reflect that. I wish I had an idea of when it was that I got my last one ... I was still in college, and friends with Lael, so we are looking at a good ... I don't know 6 or 7 years? Then I think they work I did was only $150 or so. Of course, what I got was not custom (it was a flash design) and long ago.

I think I will go back to get my rose tattoo in February. Originally I thought about going to a different shop to get it done by a woman artist, just to support females in the industry. However, I think Fate is going to be my permanent shop. Once I get the rose, the fat fairy will be next (maybe Chris can help design it), and then fixing my butterfly.

Damn it! I wish I was made of money so that I could get more work!!

Thank you Miguel!

I have this digital camera. I never used it because it isn't very good and I lost the USB cables to hook it up. I recently decided to try and make it work since I can't afford anything too fancy. If you remember, a while ago I took pictures with it when I went to Lake Erie and the Christmas Story house. Well, I have tried all over the place to find the right cords. I even went to Cord Camera to get help and the rude guy working there conned me into buying a memory card for $20 bucks that doesn't even seem to work with my camera.
Finally I came across a website called DC Cables. I e-mailed the site and the next day a very nice man named Miguel found the right cables I needed for my camera. I ordered the cables and they arrived today. I plugged everything in and about 5 minutes later I had my pictures transferred to my PC. They are awesome!! I am so happy. Here are a few of the better pictures from the list. The rest of the photos can be found right HERE.

Black Friday (THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING) at Wal-Mart

To all my retail worker brethren out there. Bless your hearts to have to deal with such shit. I know this is an old clip, but I don't think things have ever gotten any better. This is the first year in a good 10 years I haven't had to work Black Friday at a shitty retail job.

I couldn't be more thankful.

I wanna go to the PUG PARTY too!

I.Want.This.Damn.Dog. NOW!!!

Just a little light headed.

I went to the doctor today for my 6 month blood work check (Thyroid issues, nothing serious). For some reason, they always want to weigh my fat ass. Well, turns out I lost 11 pounds since last time! I believe it too since I can see some difference in my clothes. Of course, I am not doing anything special. I have just been so stressed out lately with the new job that I haven't been eating well/much. Plus, working the night shift, I pretty much only eat one meal a day. Since I haven't had much money or time to go to the grocery store, that means I usually eat some easy mac and crackers. Stress -- sometimes it does a body good.

By the way, anybody free on Thursday? I am ready for one of my tattoos and would love some moral support.

Fall is here and I am ready to fall out!

I am warning you right now that this post will probably make about as much sense as a kid with ADD all jacked up on pixie sticks.

Mmm...pixie sticks....

Anyway, I just wanted to update everyone on what has been going on with me lately as I haven't been posting in awhile and haven't been online for awhile.

As you all know, I have been training for a new job at Medco. Now that training is over, I had to leave my cushy Monday through Friday 8:30-5pm shift and go to a lousy Monday, Tuesday Wednesday, Friday, Saturday 3:30pm to Midnight shift. Ugh!!

I have to admit that I love the traffic, but with the season change, I never seem to see the sun. Overall, I really like the job and it is getting easier and easier everyday. I really don't miss working at the bookstore. However, I miss my friends! I mean, I have people who I can eat lunch with and talk to at Medco, and everyone is really nice. However, at the bookstore I forged life long friendships for those 7 years. I miss seeing those people everyday or so. I know I will stay friends with many of them, but I guess I am just a little depressed and am finding it hard to adjust to making new friends and not seeing my old friends as frequently as I am used to.

The fact that this night shift is killing me is kind of amusing. I used to be able to stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning and sleep until 2 in the afternoon, no problem. I used to be able to function on 5 hours of sleep. Yeah, I am officially old now. Those days are long gone! Going to bed at 2am is just not as fun as it used to be.

Of course, all employees had to request a shift bid just recently. Basically what happened is we were all giving a rank number based on tenure. Mine was 506. Then, we had to look at all of the available shifts and rank them 1-506. Yes. I had to look over 506 different schedule combinations and rank my preference. 506 of them. Did I mention there were over 506 combinations? Once we ranked everything, we submitted our bid and waited. It was like Medco Roulette. I could have gone from 3:30-midnight to something much better ... or worse. Believe me, there was worse (split shifts, graveyard, etc).

Alas, once my body gets used to this 3:30-midnight, I will begin my new schedule. Officially November 26th. I really can't complain too much since it could have been much worse. I will be working M T W 8:30-7pm, Sat 3:30pm-2am. Working 4 ten-hour days is kind of nice, but that overnight Saturday shift is going to be awful. At least we are really slow those hours!

Poodle Exercise with Humans

This bitches are so fat!

NBC: 60th Anniversary Celebration-Dreamgirls