Monday, January 30, 2006

The award goes to:

I am in a foul mood today. I think it is the combo of Flo, no sleep and work that has gotten my knickers in a knot. Anyway, in honor of my bad mood this week's You Whack/Shout Out awards are slightly altered. I don't feel like giving a shout out to anyone, so two You Whacks it tis. Enjoy bitches.



YOU WHACK:

Cockroaches and chain e-mails. I got this one that said if you make a wish, and send the letter to five other people it will come true. I thought, "what the hell do I have to lose?"

Apparently you are to take your age, and wait that many minutes for your wish to come true. For example, I was to wait 27 minutes for my wish to meet my true love.





The following took place between 8:14 pm and 8:41 Pm:
- I send out the chain e-mail wishing for the love of my life. Nuthin.
The following took place between 8:41 pm and 8:59pm:
- Nuthin still. Visited a few of my favorite sites, checked my other e-mails...nuthin.
The following took place between 8:59 pm and 9:00:
- Something on the wall catches my eye and I took to see what it could be.
The following took place between 9:00 pm and 9:01 pm:
- To my horror it is a huge cockroach hanging out on my wall. I don't have bugs, but I do share a heat register with everyone on my floor. Apparently this is how he got in.
The following took place between 9:01pm and 9:06 pm:
- Screaming. Lots of screaming and 'I have the willies' dancing. panic soon ensues.
The following took place between 9:06pm and 9:08 pm:
- I run to my kitchen and frantically search for Raid. God bless raid.
The following took place between 9:08pm and 9:10pm:
- Spraying and screaming. I think I used the whole bottle.
The following took place between 9:10pm and 9:15pm:
- Yes, it took me that long to make sure the bug was dead, wrap my hands with way too much paper towels and pick up the ugly thing. I couldn't even leave the carcass in my trash can, I had to run outside in my bare feet and throw the roach as far as I could and then run away as fast as I could.

Apparently the love of my life is a cockroach. figures.

this was a post in honor of all you fans of the show 24 .




YOU WHACK (2):

Customers. I mean, they always suck but today was more than usual. Okay, because of my Carpal Tunnel I need to get wrist splints to wear at night. Well, I work all day so I haven't had time to get fitted for them. To keep my hands from hurting and to support my wrists, I have been wearing ace bandages. I am not talking huge things that wrap around and around your whole arm. I am just talking little velcro things made specifically for your wrists.

Now, the past few days I have been wearing long sleeves so no one could really see them. Today I decide to wear short sleeves -- what a damn mistake.

I can't count how many people -- total strangers -- asked me what was wrong with my wrists. What business is it of theirs? Do you go up to a complete stranger on the street who has an arm cast and ask them what the hell they did to break their arm? Hell No! Just because I work retail does not mean you have the right to be rude and pry into my personal life. I know you don't care, you are just being nosy. If people were asking me in a (however fake) concerned way I would have no problem, but to just ask me what happened like you are asking what time it is, is just plain rude to me. I couldn't take it anymore and had to take the damn things off.

So I decided to come up with some answers to these nosy bastards that I thought you might enjoy.


scenario #1:
SO, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR WRISTS?

What these? Oh, they were a gift. You see, my name is Ace. They thought it would be cute to give me bracelets with my name on them.

scenario #2:
WHY ARE YOU WEARING BRACES ON YOUR WRISTS?

Shh! Don't tell anyone, but really I am a superhero. These aren't just any old bands, they hold super powers too great for you to even imagine. Why, with just a tap I could detonate a bomb that would blow this whole place to smithereens! If I press this button here that says "ACE" I can contact my special superhero hovercraft and fly out of here in a blink of an eye. All I have to do is whisper into this secret microphone that looks amazingly like velcro and contact my boss (for anonymity sake, we'll call him Bosley). If I get on this telecommunication device and I tell him that "the crow doesn't know but the brown cow knows how"...Well, you don't want to know what happens then!

scenario #3:
WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS ON YOUR WRISTS FOR?

Yeah. I got a little upset, and I slit my wrists during my lunch break. The boss wouldn't let me go to the emergency room because I have to cover the cafe while the guy back there takes his lunch. Maybe I could leave a little early today.

Why do you keep spinning around like that? It's very nauseating ... Do you always travel with a monkey in a pink tutu on your shoulder? ... Oh, did you see that? ... Someone is turning off the lights ... Grandma?....................



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