Monday, October 29, 2007

To the left, to the left. Oops! I mean your other left.

Hey Bitches! I just wanted you to know that I took some time to painstakingly update my links. Some sites I don't visit anymore and there are more that I needed to add because I just can't live without them. So, if you have a free minute, check them out and let them know that Lothian sent you.

By the way, what the fuck is up with Google Images? I typed in "updated links" and I got a Che Gue-gnome-vara!

Friends don't let friends text message while drunk or coked up on cold medicine.

So, this weekend was the annual Halloween party thrown by some friends of mine. Did I have a good time? No. Why? Because I was stuck home with the fucking plague or whatever I have. While my friends were getting dressed up and drunk, I was stuck at home getting coked up on cold medicine and admiring my snot.

At 11:38 pm the fun really started (for me anyways). I started getting text messages from my friends at the party. One of my gays dressed up like Ugly Betty and one of my straight girlfriends was a pregnant cheerleader. The following conversation via text message transpired. You will probably be confused (but I will try to clarify anything in purple). And you will probably be offended ... oh well.


11:38 (pregnant cheerleader) - Hey how r u feeling? I'm drunk! Miss you!

11:40 (Lothian) - Shitty. Wish I was drunk with you.

11:46 (P.C.) - Ron {Ugly Betty} met Dirty Sanchez!

11:48 (Lothian) - Yuck! Now I am glad I didn't go.

11:49 (P.C.) - Betty says ur a bitch!

11:51 (Lothian) - Tell Betty to suck my dick. Wait, she may like that...

11:58 (P.C.) - How bout his beaver?

12:00 (Lothian) - Cooter is totally fine as long as it is shaved like britneys!

12:01 (P.C.) - U mean as long as its shavd like urs. {I was supposed to go dressed as brit}

12:03 (Lothian) - I have decided 2 let it grow long. The crabs need a place to live! Plus, I like braiding it.

12:05 (P.C.) - My water just broke!

12:07 (Lothian) - Well, go push it out on the toilet & hide it in a dumpster! You got partying to do!

(Ugly Betty sends me a video)

12:26 (Lothian) - I told you! No pix of your penis. only your vajay-jay!
{pregnant cheerleader once dated a boy who got really drunk and kept texting her pictures of his penis - to her horror.}

12:27 (Ugly Betty) - That was my vajina bitch! {yes, the gays can't spell vagina}

12:28 (Lothian) - Sorry. It's been a while since I have seen one so purty!

12:30 (U.B.) - I thought you saw {pregnant cheerleader's} last nite?

12:32 (Lothian) - I couldn't see much -- too much fur. Just how I like it!

12:33 (U.B.) - GROSS. I'm gonna have nightmares.

12:36 (Lothian) - Homosexuality is beautiful & natural! You should really try it some time.

12:37 (U.B.) - I'm a Republican. We don't do that! Sinner!

12:38 (Lothian) - Fornicator hater!

Thank goodness for modern technology! What did we ever do without it?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Caught In The Act

I am posting this for no good reason. It just made me giggle.

Sunday, October 07, 2007


Yeah, I had a GREAT time at the Renaissance Faire!

Was it supposed to be hot today?

No, really. I don't need any sunscreen, thanks.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

So fucking adorable!

I have so much to update ya'll on, but I just don't have time. However, I HAD TO send along this e-mail. My parents just recently got internet service on their computer for the first time ever. The whole e-mail, internet, computer stuff is pretty new to them. They are doing really well at it and totally making an effort to learn, which makes me very proud.

Anyway, I just had to show you the adorable e-mail I just got from my Daddy. I couldn't figure out a way to screen shot it, so I just copied and pasted and included it at the bottom of this post. Isn't that the most fucking PRECIOUS thing you have ever read??!!

I am a wreck tonight! First Ron tells me to remember that everyone loves me, and then I open my e-mail and see this little note. I tell you, I am seriously in tears from the love and sweetness of it all. Stephanie, I need to borrow some damn insulin.

My parents are so cute. Welcome to the internet superhighway daddy. I love you and miss you.

(p.s.- I didn't have to go to court, I only had a speeding ticket to which I had to show proof of insurance since I didn't have it at the time of issue.)

He wrote:

"Going to send you and e mail spelling may not be right wood like to know how court went
phone does not work jen is havening house trouble will work it out trying sell it on her befour her leese is out love your dad."