Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I'm Depressed Ya'll

I am not right these days. I have not exercised much since my vacation and I certainly haven't been eating super well either. Don't get me wrong, I am not pigging out. However, my policy on dieting by not being on a diet and not depriving myself is not working. Plus, I have myself on a night-owl sleep schedule (not tired until 3 or 4 a.m.) so I am eating late at night which I know is no good.

The last I looked I had lost 22 pounds. However, I haven't weighed myself lately but I feel like I gained all that back and more. I just stay at home all day and sleep or watch T.V. Since I am not getting many hours at work I have plenty of time to become a worthless slug. Depression blows.

Plus, I have this thing that I subconsciously do with bills. When I know I don't have much in the way of money, I just simply do not pay my bills. I know they are there, and I look at them as they come in. Then I wait until I am in jeopardy of collection agents or shut offs and then I pay. It is terrible and I shouldn't do it, but of course I do.

Blah! I don't know why I am in a depression funk right now. I can blame the vacation, the heat, lack of work, lack of money, my period and so on. However the fact remains that I attempted to do my workout video tonight (and do the more difficult one) and I failed miserably. I feel like a fat piece of shit. I will get back on track, I'm sure. I think maybe this time I need to really set those goals and stick with them. Maybe even come up with weekly goals and rewards instead of just telling myself I will get a present once I lose a certain number of pounds. Who knows, I just know that I am really disappointed in myself right now.

Why can't I stick with anything? Hell, I even have trouble finishing books sometimes!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey, girl, don't beat yourself up so! Change doesn't come overnight, it's the hardest thing a person can do. You've done great, you've just hit a bump in the road. Remember, baby steps. You're an incredible person, don't give up on yourself. I never will.