So, this weekend was the annual Halloween party thrown by some friends of mine. Did I have a good time? No. Why? Because I was stuck home with the fucking plague or whatever I have. While my friends were getting dressed up and drunk, I was stuck at home getting coked up on cold medicine and admiring my snot.
At 11:38 pm the fun really started (for me anyways). I started getting text messages from my friends at the party. One of my gays dressed up like Ugly Betty and one of my straight girlfriends was a pregnant cheerleader. The following conversation via text message transpired. You will probably be confused (but I will try to clarify anything in purple). And you will probably be offended ... oh well.
Enjoy!
11:38 (pregnant cheerleader) - Hey how r u feeling? I'm drunk! Miss you!
11:40 (Lothian) - Shitty. Wish I was drunk with you.
11:46 (P.C.) - Ron {Ugly Betty} met Dirty Sanchez!
11:48 (Lothian) - Yuck! Now I am glad I didn't go.
11:49 (P.C.) - Betty says ur a bitch!
11:51 (Lothian) - Tell Betty to suck my dick. Wait, she may like that...
11:58 (P.C.) - How bout his beaver?
12:00 (Lothian) - Cooter is totally fine as long as it is shaved like britneys!
12:01 (P.C.) - U mean as long as its shavd like urs. {I was supposed to go dressed as brit}
12:03 (Lothian) - I have decided 2 let it grow long. The crabs need a place to live! Plus, I like braiding it.
12:05 (P.C.) - My water just broke!
12:07 (Lothian) - Well, go push it out on the toilet & hide it in a dumpster! You got partying to do!
(Ugly Betty sends me a video)
12:26 (Lothian) - I told you! No pix of your penis. only your vajay-jay! {pregnant cheerleader once dated a boy who got really drunk and kept texting her pictures of his penis - to her horror.}
12:27 (Ugly Betty) - That was my vajina bitch! {yes, the gays can't spell vagina}
12:28 (Lothian) - Sorry. It's been a while since I have seen one so purty!
12:30 (U.B.) - I thought you saw {pregnant cheerleader's} last nite?
12:32 (Lothian) - I couldn't see much -- too much fur. Just how I like it!
12:33 (U.B.) - GROSS. I'm gonna have nightmares.
12:36 (Lothian) - Homosexuality is beautiful & natural! You should really try it some time.
12:37 (U.B.) - I'm a Republican. We don't do that! Sinner!
12:38 (Lothian) - Fornicator hater!
Thank goodness for modern technology! What did we ever do without it?
5 comments:
That cheerleader sounds like a tramp! She should learn how to keep her knees closed ! I bet she's slept with every guy on the team!
I'll sue because of that liable shit you are spreading on the net. I know how to spell vagina, I am just sickened by the thought of having to.
Oh, and the pregnant cheerleader is a big ho. She'll be on Maury this week for the 9th time trying to see who the babydaddy is. At least I know it isn't me. No Va-Jayjay for me !!
Oh, I see how it is timron1999, once you sober up you blame the messenger. Oh well, the paparazzi will catch you with your pants down someday!
OMG!!!!! You guys crack me up. I just think it's funny that the word "Republican" came up in this conversation.
I know! I was a little worried that this post might offend someone, but then I figured most people would take it for face value alone. Being drunk and silly makes for some fun text messages!
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