Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Hey Fucktard,

Dearest fucktard,
Hello. I have a few questions for you. Did you not see the car that was sitting diagonally in the lane up ahead. You know the one, it had the front end all crushed in. Did you miss those pretty red and blue flashing lights blocking that entire lane? Did you happen to miss all the debris across the road?

Yeah, probably not. I could see how you could have missed all that. However, the problem is that I was trying to merge onto I71 from I270. As you know, there really isn't much space to do so. This mashed up car, debris, police car, and person walking around were totally blocking the lane I was in and I was forced to merge into the lane next to me.

Now last time I checked, it was legal to turn on my turn signal, check my mirrors and merge into a lane. I know you would have preferred that I slam my car into the police cruiser and the crushed up car. I know it would have been more convenient for you if I would have not used my legal right to merge into YOUR lane (you know, your personal driving lane) and just slammed into the people walking around killing them instantly. I know that it would have been easier for you to have me drive over some glass or broken metal and bust my tires.

You are far more important than I am, I understand this. I mean, clearly you had somewhere you desperately needed to be at 7:30pm on a Tuesday night. I should have never dreamed of asking you to ensure the safety of all involved, and move over to the furthest lane possible. How dare I assume YOU would allow me to legally and safely merge into your lane without getting some reprimand for my actions.

Did you see me wave when you laid on your horn? I did it with one finger.

sincerely,
the apparent pain in the ass whose New Year's resolution is to drive more safely