celebrating the greatest music video EVAH!

Be sure to check out all of Weezer's videos as they are all fucking genius!

Saw things so much clearer

I have a bad habit when I drive. No, I don't chat on the phone or text message. I look too much in my rearview mirror. I don't know why, but I seem to spend more time worried about what is going on behind me than what is going on before me. I worry if someone is tailgating me, if I have my music on too loud and can't hear the cop behind me, or if something exciting is going on that I am missing.

No matter how hard I try to break myself of this habit, I can't seem to shake it. I realized the other day, that my rearview mirror is an odd analogy for my life. I spend too much time thinking about what happened in my past, that I forget where I am going. I drive on automatic pilot, which is how I live my life -- just exsisting, not really driving. Why should I worry if someone it tailgating me? They can go around. Yet, the little girl inside me is hearing some bully yelling "hey, speed up fatty! You are so slow, you are taking up the whole highway!"

I have made a concious decision to try and not spend so much time looking in my rearview and only doing so in a normal and safe driving context. However, I am having the hardest time breaking myself of this. I try to live my life and not let the pains of the past hinder me, yet I am still stuck with those voices in my head. I just find it interesting how something as mundane as driving can really reflect much larger things. I am trying to take this analogy to heart and learn from it ... but I see things so much clearer once they are in my rearview mirror.

Rock and ...What!?

REARVIEW MIRROR
Pearl Jam

I took a drive today
Time to emancipate
I guess it was the beatings made me wise
But I'm not about to give thanks or apologize
I couldn't breathe holdin' me down
Hand on my face kissin' the ground
Enmity gauged united by fear
'Posed to endure what I could not forgive...

I seem to look away
Wounds in the mirror waved
It wasn't my surface most defiled
Head at your feet fool to your crown
Fist on my plate, swallowed it down
Enmity gauged, united by fear
Tried to endure what I could not forgive

Saw things
Clearer
Once you, were in my...Rearview mirror...

I gather speed from you fucking with me
Once and for all I'm far away
I hardly believe, finally the shades...are raised...hey...

Saw things so much clearer
Once you, once you...
Rearview mirror

Saw things so much clearer
Once you...oh yeah...

I promise more post's in the future!!

So I have been battling my Thyroid for many, many years. Every 6 months I have to get my blood checked to see what my levels are at. Sometimes they are too high and sometimes they are too low. If your thyroid is too high, you have hypothyroidism which means your body runs really fucking slow. Too low, vise versa. Normal thyroid levels are between 0.5-5.5. My recent levels? 10.5. NO WONDER I CAN BARELY BRING MYSELF TO GET OUT OF BED EVERYDAY!! My doctor has given up on trying to level my thyroid out. I have been seeing her for about 6 years, and my previous doctor also tried to "fix me" for a few years before her. My doctor wants to check my levels again in 2 months and send me to an endocrinologist. My fear is that if medication doesn't work, they may need to remove my thyroid all together.

Along with my thyroid being too high, comes high cholesterol. My physician told me that my cholesterol is probably elevated due to my thyorid, I guess they go hand in hand. All this news is making me feel very .... fat.

I was always a healthy fat woman, and I truly believe you can be a big girl and be healthy at the same time. People have proven it time and again. Fat doesn't always = unhealthy. However, the past few years have been creeping up on me. My heart palpatations are increasing in frequency, my blood pressure is going up, and now my cholesterol. I guess it is time to try to lose some weight again, or go to more extreme measures like surgery to help my body. UGH!!

So lazy, I am making other blogs do all the work.

You don't say?

Really, captain obvious? You are gay?
We had no fucking clue.
Good for you for finally coming out though, we support you (even if we outed you, like 3 years ago!)

Attractive AND kind? *sigh* I am kicking Angelina's ass.

"Because no one has the right to deny another their life, even though they disagree with it, because everyone has the right to live the life they so desire if it doesn't harm another and because discrimination has no place in America, my vote will be for equality and against Proposition 8."

A love letter

Dear city of Dublin Police Department,

You guys rock. You definitely deserve to be a part of Columbus' bravest. Now, don't get me wrong. I am sure the entire City of Columbus and it's police department worked their asses off during our city wide power outage. The one that still has many people without power. However, the City of Dublin sent their officers to do something they probably didn't really want to be doing, but was much needed. That's right, direct traffic.
I know it sounds like a small thing, but people really reveal their stupid gene when traffic lights go out. I saw many near misses and blaring car horns on Morse road on my way to work. So many so, that I was a little worried about finishing my drive. I was very relieved once I got to Dublin and saw those flashing lights and our guardians in blue. I don't know what the rest of the city was doing, but at least Dublin knew what was desperately needed. A small gesture that went miles.

Thanks a million, you really are America's finest.
lothian

I'm a little cranky today.

Let's recount my past day or so, shall we. Maybe it will reveal why I am a little cranky today.

Saturday 3:00 am - go to bed after a long day at work
Sunday 3:00 pm - Wake up (yes, I know I overslept quite a bit)
Sunday 3:30 pm - Power goes out, oops it's back on.
Sunday 3:45 pm - Power goes out, oops it's back on.
Sunday 4:00 pm - Power goes out, oops it's back on.
Sunday 4:05 pm - Power goes out, big bang. It stays out. In the dark.
Sunday 5:00 pm - In the dark still.
Sunday 6:00 pm - In the dark still.
Sunday 7:00 pm - What's that? In the dark still.
Sunday 8:00 pm- Still dark. There isn't a whole hell of a lot you can do in the dark.
Sunday 9:00 pm - Jill and Ron have power now, hoping...
Sunday 10:00 pm - Fuck the dark.
Sunday 11:00 pm - Still hoping to have some sort of nice day off. Still sitting in the dark.
Sunday 12:00 pm/am - Pretty sure my food in the fridge is spoiled. Can't see for sure, still dark.
Monday 1:00 am - Still in the dark. Have admitted defeat. Going to bed to try and sleep.
Monday 2:00 am - Roll over in pool of sweat, listening to every fart my upstairs neighbor blows.
Monday 3:00 am - Whoo Hoo!! Power! It scared the shit out of me coming on. I stumble around the apartment half asleep turning of fans, lamps, and my blaring TV. Run into the doorknob on my closet, can feel the bruise coming on.
Monday 3:10 am - Sit down to pee. Lights go out.
Monday 3:15 am - Too tired to cry, lay back down on my bed in the sweat shack.
Monday 4:00 am - Strange dreams.
Monday 4:30 am - Mini Heart attack when power comes on again. Get up, turn bathroom light off.
Monday 5:00 am - Strange dreams about work.
Monday 6:00 am - Continued LSD-type dreams.
Monday 7:00 am - Dreaming.
Monday 7:30 am - Cell phone goes off, Ron texting me if I have power. Will reply text later.
Monday 8:00 am - Fall back asleep.
Monday 8:15 am - Cell phone goes off. Damn it!! Jill texting me if I have power yet. Will reply text later. I love my friends, I really do.
Monday 8:30 am - Fall back asleep.
Monday 9:00 am - Weird ass dreams.
Monday 9:30 am - Asshole begins mowing the lawn at my complex. You just don't know how loud a lawn mower is until you live on the ground floor and one goes by right by your head. Pretty fucking loud. Glad he feel's it's important to mow dead grass.
Monday 10:00 am - He is done, now I can go back to sleep.
Monday 10:30 am - Finally asleep
Monday 11:00 am - Mom calls like she said she would to make sure I am up in case my power never came on.

Fine. I am up now. *sigh* Today should be a good day.

Sarah Palin vs/ Hillary Clinton

HILDA! The sexiest pin-up from the 1950's and 1960's. God bless you Duane Bryers!

For more info on HILDA and to find many more absolutely adorable paintings of her, try HIS WEBSITE or HERE.

Rock and ...What!?

Danny's Song
Kenny Loggins
*sorry for the shitty video, but it was the best one I could find*

People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one, and we've just begun,
Think I'm gonna have a son.
He will be like she and me, as free as a dove, conceived in love,
Sun is gonna shine above.

Chorus:
And even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with ya honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise, you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.

Seems as though a month ago I beta chi, never got high,
Oh, I was a sorry guy.
And now a smile, a face, a girl that shares my name,
Now I'm through with the game, this boy will never be the same.

(To chorus:)
Pisces, Virgo rising is a very good sign, strong and kind,
And the little boy is mine.
Now I see a family where there once was none, now we've just begun,
Yeah, we're gonna fly to the sun.

(To chorus:)

Love the girl who holds the world in a paper cup, drink it up,
Love her and she'll bring you luck.
And if you find she helps your mind, buddy, take her home,
Don't you live alone, try to earn what lovers own.

(To chorus:)

The Stolen Child by W.B. Yeats

Where dips the rocky highland
Of Sleuth Wood in the lake,
There lies a leafy island
Where flapping herons wake
The drowsy water-rats;
There we've hid out faery vats,
Full of berries
And the reddest stolen cherries.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.

Where the wave of moonlight glosses
The dim grey sands with light,
Far off by furthest Rosses
We foot it all the night,
Weaving olden dances,
Mingling hands and mingling glances
Till the moon has taken flight;
To and fro we leap
And chase the frothy bubbles,
While the world is full of troubles
And is anxious in its sleep.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters of the wild
With a faery hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.

Where the wandering water gushes
From the hills above Glen-Car,
In pools among the rushes
That scarce could bathe a star,
We seek for slumbering trout
And whispering in their ears
Give them unquiet dreams;
Leaning softly out
From ferns that drop their tears
Over the young streams.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.

Away with us he's going,
The solemn-eyed:
He'll hear no more the lowing
Of the calves on the warm hillside
Or the kettle on the hob
Sing peace into his breast,
Or see the brown mice bob
Round and round the oatmeal-chest.
For he comes, the human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a faery hand in hand,
From a world more full of weeping than he can understand.

Solidarity Forever (Pete Seeger)

Phew!

I finally had that 1 on 1 with my supervisor today. It stemmed from me finally writing her a note basically asking her how close I was to getting fired. I was tired of worrying that I was going to show up one day and they were going to have all my shit packed up and an escort for me to my car.

Turns out I have nothing to worry about. Although my attendance has been admittedly bad, it is nothing that they are sweating. I need to work on it of course, but I don't have any official warnings or write-up's to be concerned about. What a relief to know that I am not going to lose my job any time soon. I was upfront with my supervisor and explained my health problems and feelings toward the job and she was very supportive. If I stay with the company, I want to move up and begin doing other (more interesting) things. She thinks that I am a good candidate, so now only time will tell if an opportunity knocks for me. I am changing my shift to a little earlier - 2pm until 10:30 pm, so hopefully that will help with the depression.

I am always grateful for the fact that I even have a job and I hope I never came across as thinking otherwise. I just didn't see myself doing this type of work in my 30's. I let myself down.

She's crafty!

I crochet. Not well, but I try. My grandmother was a master crochet-er, making delicate lace doilies and complex afghans. I never developed any interest in the craft until my mid-teens. By this time, she had fallen into the depths of dementia and had lost ... everything. When she died, I had a nervous breakdown. Literally. I had to see a physiologist and everything. One night, during my despair, I decided I wanted (needed) to crochet. My mother dug out an old hook and some worn yarn and showed me the basic stitch that she knew (she has never been into knitting or crochet). For months I worked on this blanket. My mother and I would go to the craft store and pick out colors of yarns together. It was a striped blanket, so we would consult on what color would look best next. I would stitch rows and rows and then furiously tear them out because my virgin hands dropped a loop here or there. Some rows would be super tightly coiled, revealing the bad day I may have had. While others are airy and light, showing a more relaxed state of mind. That blanket, as ugly as it is, helped me grieve. It helped my mother and I communicate during a time when we couldn't. I knew that my grandmother was somehow guiding my hands, helping me learn. Teaching me.

I am still not the best at crochet. I don't learn well from a book of diagrams and patterns that read like computer programming -- I have to have someone show me and I have to do it. However, that isn't an option -- no one I know can crochet. Yet whenever I get stuck or my eyes get hot with tears of frustration, I think of my grandmother and I ask her for help. Lo and behold, it eventually comes to me. My awkward fingers find the rhythm and my mind translates the image. So, in a way I guess I DO have some one to help me.

I don't usually have the attention span to finish any projects that I start. I have a massive granny square bag I made that all it needs is a strap and lining -- yet it still sits here. Pathetically unfinished. Alas, I have finished a few small projects and would like to show them off to you.

I made myself a little cell phone holder that turned out so cute that a friend at work begged me to make her one. I used a really tight, sturdy stitch that almost makes it appear to be knitted instead of crocheted. Here is how hers turned out.




I then got bored at work and decided I was going to try to make my mother a clutch using the same idea, but making it larger. Here is how it turned out.

I decided to try some new things on mom's gift. I had never done the Picot edging before and it turned out surprisingly well. I had also never attempted flowers and that was ... a trip. Initially I had a pattern for a little bird and since she loves birds, I wanted to make that. Yeah, um ... flowers are easier (but not that easy). I sewed fancy buttons in the middle of the flowers to really make them pop.

In my earlier, cell phone/change purse I made the mistake of trying to sew Velcro onto the yarn as a closure. Never again. I was intimidated by using snaps as I have never sewn snaps before, but it turned out alright on mom's purse.

All in all, I was pretty impressed with myself. I stuck to it, and it was not perfect, but it was made with love and I had a good time doing it. I will let you know what she thinks of it when I mail it off this week.

Miss me?

I know I haven't been around much lately. It is just that the vampire hours I am working are starting to get to me. Plus, my brain has been very scattered lately and I haven't been able to really focus enough to blog.

Anyway, I answered one of those MySpace surveys the other day. I don't usually fill them out because how many times do I have to tell you what my favorite color is, or what I am listening to at the moment? However, this one was interesting so I did it. A long time friend responded to my survey and was surprised at one of my answers. She "never knew" this particular thing about me (#1 on my list). It got me thinking about what things I would like to accomplish in my life, however small or large. I thought I would share my preliminary list (not in any order of importance) with you all so that maybe you too will learn a thing or two about me.


1) Have a child. Hopefully before my parents pass away so they can feel the joy of grand parenting.

2) Make love to a man and have no fear of him. Make love to man and not be embarrassed by my body. (and no, I don't think #1 and #2 necessarily go hand in hand)

3) Live in a remote cabin in Alaska for at least a month. Never apologize (or be surprised) if I decide to stay there forever.

4) Go on a nice fishing trip with my father. My favorite memories with him are of our time spent fishing together.

5) Visit India during the Holi Festival.
**According to www.holifestival.org "The colorful festival of Holi is celebrated on Phalgun Purnima which comes in February end or early March. Holi festival has an ancient origin and celebrates the triumph of 'good' over 'bad'. The colorful festival bridges the social gap and renew sweet relationships. On this day, people hug and wish each other 'Happy Holi'."

6) Ride a Harley (or any motorcycle for that matter). Learn how to drive my own Harley.

7) Get all of the tattoo's that I am wanting, without any fear of what people may think of me.

8) Write a book. Maybe or maybe not try and get published.

9) Go to Pastry school. I love to bake, and to be able to do this as a career would be a dream.

10) Own (at least) 2 pug dogs. I shall name them Merry and Pippin.

11) Do something remarkable for my parents as they have been so remarkable to me. I have yet to find out what this will someday be.

12) Move back home and buy my own house near a lake.

13) Learn to scuba dive and travel all over exploring the sea.

14) Visit Tibet and walk among the holiest of people.

15) Take singing lessons and sing loudly and proudly (and not drunkenly) in front of a crowd.

16) Never lose touch with Brad.

17) Find a job that I love and will not hate go to. (I DO think this and #9 go hand in hand)

18) Get liposuction or workout to remove my massive arms and my spare tire belly.

19) Learn how and go rock climbing and hiking.

20) Taking acting lessons and actually go for it, just once.


That is all I can think of right now. I will definitely keep adding more as they come to me. I will also keep you posted if I ever manage to accomplish any of these things. Of course, if you can help me with any, feel free to speak up! (wink*wink)

For your information,

Greatest. Thing. Ever!


That is all.

I didn't mean to leave you hanging ...

However, I haven't heard anything. NOTHING. When I was supposed to have my stern talking to I waited for her for 45 minutes and she never came to find me. I chatted with a co-worker for 45 minutes, went on break, came back and nothing. Apparently my genius supervisor leaves at 5pm. Which would make sense why she would schedule our little meeting for 5pm. She has had ample opportunity to reschedule and apologize for forgetting, yet she hasn't. I am certainly not stupid enough to go looking for trouble! I swear, it is the same at every job. The dumbest people are the one's running the show. I will keep you posted on when (or if) she ever remembers to chastise me. I have no plans on worrying about it.